mommy blogging

i have to be honest, i used to look at stay at home moms and mock them in my head. how could that be difficult? how is that a job? don't you just sit at home and play with the little ones all day and snack? psh. stay at home moms.

and now, well now i understand that i couldn't have been more wrong about what a difficult job spending all day running evil minions and trying to keep your home clean is. if we are able to make it out if the house by noon it is a miracle. if by the time we make it out of the house i am not exhausted from the sheer effort that goes into getting to little kids and myself ready to leave, i surely am after we run our errands. strap in the car seats, unstrap and take one out, maybe hold the other baby or her in her car seat, don't touch that, no you can't have anything, why are you spitting at strangers, no we don't touch that, why are you even saying that, please stop crying we will be home soon, i am sorry i can't feed you, no you can't have cookies for dinner, seriously stop touching that, omg mommy has to go home before all of these people see her have a nervous break down. phew. it's so much.

and they are little tornadoes. in my next life i will never teach my children that toys exist, or i will just buy a puppy. i can clean the house and 5 minutes later everything is ruined. forget about eating in peace, either. the 3 year old thinks that as soon as i do something for myself he needs to jump in to make sure i am actually doing something for him. my life is cartoon theme songs, laundry, bedtimes, crazy arguments, weird sounds, tears, fights about food, diapers, bathroom floors covered in magical cleaning pee, toys, toys, more toys, and then we wake up and do it all over again. there is never a break. there is only calm after 9 pm and by then i am so exhausted that who even cares about the quiet. i look forward to the weekends and week nights after 7 because the closer comes home and the little monkeys attach to his gravitational pull and i feel less weight and my smile and my hair start coming back.

so, to all of the stay at home moms out there, i apologize for ever doubting you and i want to send out my love and respect for what you (we) do. this mother's day i hope that you all pat yourself on the back and sneak away for 5 minutes to enjoy a bit of silence.

and, because my mommy guilt will not allow me to end this post sounding so rude i must say - the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, watching them grow up, being there to share all of the moments, singing the stupid theme songs with them, laughter, laughter, laughter, and more laughter, the walks, the trips out we turn into learning experiences, kissing them better, loving them every minute no matter what - those things make me love this staying at home and this being their mom. and sometimes, i may sneak in a moment to breathe so they don't see the cracks in my sanity, but when i walk out in the room again and they both smile up, happy to see me still, it reminds me that this is worth it. that the only place in the world i want to be is home, with them.

a few things

today was a rough one in mommy land. i love my little ones, but as any parent knows - some days are more trying than others. this particularly rough day led to my husband coming home before tomorrow and i gave him the nickname, "the closer." seriously, the man is a stress relieving genius. when i feel like i am all done he swoops in and makes the kids laugh while i make him home-made blue cheese stuffed burgers in return.

oh, by the way, my dinner tonight was awesome. 2 lbs of 94-6 ground beef, garlick, salt, pepper, a spice concoction i keep on hand (smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, oregano, sage, poultry seasoning, pepper, salt, chipotle powder, and a bit o' rosemary). mix the beefy goodness together, create 8 patties, place about a tablespoon or so of blue cheese crumbles on the top of 4 patties, cover with more spice mixture, and finish by placing another patty on top and smoothing the lines out for cooking. i use my skillet to cook - medium high on both sides for 2 minutes and then tent on med for about 3 minutes more on each side. top with arugula, maters, and red onion. so. effing. delicious. so yeah, he may be the closer, but i make his tummy happy.

i am beyond thrilled that it is the weekend. we are easter egg hunting (not for hard-boiled - hardy, har, har) tomorrow. even though the rain is here, we are weathering the storm - literally. i am looking forward to our family time this weekend and for baskets full of candy and toys for the kiddos. plus, having the husband home, who doesn't babble or spit craziness when i speak to him (normally) is a gift in itself.

i've got nothing

the old is creeping in. i can feel the 30 seeping in to my brain and making it impossible to be creative. or, maybe, i am just making it all up in my crazy old head. one can never be sure.

we used to live in south jordan, utah. we had this amazing horse named babe, and she was pretty much my horse. my pretty white horse. i would often go lie down next to her while she napped during the middle of the day; i felt such a huge feeling of peace during those times. i am craving that moment right now. the silence, the dirt, the smell of my horse, the feeling of a big animal trusting me so much, the calm of the moment. today has been a blur of "put that down", "no you can't have ice cream for breakfast", and "one moment, mommy only has two hands and little sanity left." i need a minute of calm. i need a deep breath of sanity inducing air. i need a horse, and a mountain to run her up.

looking back on the last 3 decades of life has been funny, and sad, and memorable in so many ways. i wouldn't change a thing because i love my life, but i definitely made some mistakes along the way. i got lucky, and for some reason i am astutely aware of that today.

knee deep in "it"

for the past few weeks we have been trying to teach the 3 year year old the concept of sharing - something that be believes is third in line of bull-shit-things-he-has-to-do. third only to going to bed, and leaving the park. we started slowly; chunk should be able to have one of his toys when she plays in his room, but has to give it back before she leaves. this week we have moved more into making him share one of his toys at any given time in any given room. he is fine with sharing, as long as it isn't with his baby sister. but a breakthrough came today by way of goldfish crackers, and ended in her being able to play with one of mickey mouse's friends (pluto, to be exact, but they are his current prized possessions.) thank goodness the chunk already has an affinity for salty cracker goodness, or the clubhouse friends would have been out tonight as well.

the husband is away watching the phillies lose to the mets right now and i have the pleasure of spending all day in the madness that is two children. when my sister called tonight i relished every second of speaking to someone that doesn't spit, say ba-ba, or speak in tongues every five seconds. it isn't that i want to complain, because i love being a stay at home mom, but woah - that's a lot of kid time, batman.

but i am here with my friends, wine and silence. i am watching the phillies game, listening to the effing wind blow in more cold to the region, and typing happily away on my laptop; it could be worse. to be absolutely fair to the kids; i love the husband, but it is kind of nice to have some kerry time tonight, too. i very much enjoy my moments of silence, and when the become scarce (like lately), i seem to drink them in as if it has been years since i have had the quench of nothing.

i have been thinking about my birthdays leading up until the big three-oh, and the one that always comes to my mind is my 21st. my sister and i at wasatch pub in park city; i ordered a beer and the waiter didn't even check my i.d., we wound up at port o' call drinking i.r.a. car bombs that same night. we ended the festivities with family in las vegas listening to a crazy limo driver tell us inappropriate jokes, watching the amazing johnathan at the golden nugget, and me getting so drunk at the night club that i could only remember to take out my contacts after a cab ride i don't remember. oh to be young, dumb, and partying with the coolest woman i know. i am looking forward to this birthday. dinner with my amazing husband in one of my favorite towns, and then spending time with that same coolest woman and her equally awesome husband. i love that i have gotten to that moment in life where it isn't how drunk i get, but the quality of people that i get to celebrate life with.

in keeping with randomly mentioning the theme of april's nablopomo, i have to mention that family has been my greatest source of sprouting, and most likely until the end of time. family has been a center in my life, and those who know me best know that without a doubt (okay, but maybe with a bit of a laugh) and i hope to share that with my children. i hope that my children always grow up knowing how much family means and that no matter what, they are always there. we all sprout as family, and though we may always be at different places in the growing process, all we can hope is that the youngest ones catch up in the end. i know i am glad i have.