laser envy

the kiddo's beloved paw-paw is in town and not only did he bring his love for entertaining our children, he brought a really cool blue laser with a super powerful beam. for his line of work he is the kind of person who needs super powerful laser beams, and as a proud relative i am the kind of person who just found out i love to play with super powerful laser beams. for instance: did you know that if you hold black paper up to said laser it will actually start on fire!? très bien!! also, playing with laser beams during the night time is a lot, and i mean a lot, of fun. i am probably not responsible enough to own one, nor could i legally buy one, but it was a lot of fun. 

last nights adventures in phosphor fun were a blast, and today brings more merriment as we head to the slides and later make some blue cheese burgers. i absolutely love the chance to spend time with family and watch the kids get some solid interaction with their grandfather. slides and books by day - science, mma, and politics by night. perfection!

my blood test results came back clean, which is good, but slightly annoying. i am almost positive i am going to have to move myself to a gluten free diet to see if that brings the feelings back into my hands. i miss having extremities that feel normal. right now i am either in excruciating pain, or numb. blah. perhaps i will make the month of july not only about our freedom, but my freedom from gluten. i am going to give the zoloft withdrawals the two more weeks necessary to finish off, too, before i make any major decisions. part of me was just really wishing the doctor would call back and give me a solid issue and solution. they never have before though, so i suppose i am not too surprised. 

off to play in the rain.

food inspiration

i became incredibly inspired about the munchkin's food choices today while catching up on meet the dubiens. looking through pages and pages of amazon goodies, i started thinking that mebbe it would be possible to move ge over to a gluten free diet for a while by turning his food into a lot of fun. the little bento boxes, cutters, shapers, and random container goodies could actually make him enjoy eating!

so, anyone just looking to send me random things for absolutely no reason, please feel free to consider the first 13 items on my amazon wish list. ;) otherwise i am sure i will start collecting these things on my own as i can. i need a game plan to commit to a multiple week gluten cleanse for our home and i just don't know exactly how to move forward with ge. i am hoping that i can put together an arsenal of ideas and recipes for when i begin to make sure that there is no slip ups along the way. i want to make it a commitment that i can succeed at.

spending the time to find all of these things has made me feel like i might be able to do the cleanse for him that i have known i need to do for a while. ge has always had tummy problems and i want to do whatever i can to help him, and a gluten free diet is most likely the next best step forward.

my thyroid ultrasound came back normal. blood tests should be in in the next few days. this morning i woke up with two giant burn blisters on my fingers and i was absolutely shocked. i can't believe that my hands are so numb these days that i couldn't even feel a burn bad enough to give me these blisters. even typing this i can't really feel my fingers connecting to the keys, unless the tingling kicks in for a moment and reminds me i still have fingers. i am so tired of all this. my anxiety and my depression have really ramped up the last few days; i am just so tired of feeling like crap.

many life changes coming soon. i am going to go all boy scout on them and earn my "bitch was super prepared for that!" badge. wish me luck!

7 long days in withdrawal hell

last friday i decided to throw my zoloft away rather than take my dose of addiction for one more evening. the last 7 days have been nothing short of a trial and the ebb and flow of my body's withdrawal from that horrible medication has been difficult. today my lips are almost numb, with the occasional intense tingling feeling finding its way in there. my hands and feet are numb and tingling and my emotions are all over the board. i cried all morning when i saw kate's dress. i mean, it was really pretty, but i don't think that a sane kerry would have spent an hour crying because of the lacy beauty of the dress. last night the zaps were so horrible that it felt like i was going to have a heart attack. every 3rd beat of my heart was a bit off and i felt like i was being tenderly electrocuted. i hate all of these feelings. i hate the anxiety and the physical and emotional pain that this fracking drug withdrawal has given me.


on the plus side; my hair isn't falling out anymore, my sex drive is coming back, i don't feel like shooting myself in the head, and i am starting to find my old spark of me again. my husband told me last night that he was happy to have me back and that seems silly, but the last few months have just been so incredibly difficult and i had no idea that a drug that was supposed to "help me" was swallowing me whole.


i am looking forward to a weekend of 70 degree temperatures, 2 wonderful kids, and a marvelous husband to share those things with. i am thinking there will be a trip to our local dairy to find ice cream and something to cook whatever we decided we want for dinner. merrymead farm has the absolute best strawberry ice cream that i have ever consumed. and the cream i bought from there and used for a decadent thanksgiving tiramisu was amazing. perhaps a nice steak will do, we shall see. i can say, with 100 % certainty, that i will not be getting the scrapple. it concerns me that people actually eat that shit.


for those of you that haven't heard of scrapple before and do not understand why i cringe at the word, let me quote the informational gods of wikipedia to explain:


"Locally called "everything but the oink" or made with "everything but the squeal", scrapple is typically made of hog offal, such as the head, heart, liver, and other scraps, which are boiled with any bones attached (often the entire head), to make a broth. Once cooked, bones and fat are discarded, the meat is reserved, and (dry) cornmeal is boiled in the broth to make a mush. The meat, finely minced, is returned to the pot and seasonings, typically sage, thyme, savory, black pepper, and others, are added. The mush is formed into loaves and allowed to cool thoroughly until set. The proportions and seasoning are very much a matter of the region and the cook's taste.


yeah, that's disgusting.


on the up and up the kids are doing well this week. ge and i have had a few battles, but only because i have ramped up lessons on politeness and listening a bit. he is such a smart and sweet little boy and is adapting to the lessons well. he never ceases to surprise me with his kindness and intelligence. chunk has decided that sleeping isn't necessary again, but i am sure that is because she is getting ready to crawl. she is doing well with solids and i absolutely cannot believe that i have made it this far with breastfeeding her. i was hoping to make it to a month when i was pregnant with her and now it has just become second nature for both of us. we have such a strong bond and i thank my body for that. i hate to spend so many days complaining, but it has been nice to blog through this withdrawal and put it all down instead of bottling it up. hopefully this passes soon.

a few things

today was a rough one in mommy land. i love my little ones, but as any parent knows - some days are more trying than others. this particularly rough day led to my husband coming home before tomorrow and i gave him the nickname, "the closer." seriously, the man is a stress relieving genius. when i feel like i am all done he swoops in and makes the kids laugh while i make him home-made blue cheese stuffed burgers in return.

oh, by the way, my dinner tonight was awesome. 2 lbs of 94-6 ground beef, garlick, salt, pepper, a spice concoction i keep on hand (smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, oregano, sage, poultry seasoning, pepper, salt, chipotle powder, and a bit o' rosemary). mix the beefy goodness together, create 8 patties, place about a tablespoon or so of blue cheese crumbles on the top of 4 patties, cover with more spice mixture, and finish by placing another patty on top and smoothing the lines out for cooking. i use my skillet to cook - medium high on both sides for 2 minutes and then tent on med for about 3 minutes more on each side. top with arugula, maters, and red onion. so. effing. delicious. so yeah, he may be the closer, but i make his tummy happy.

i am beyond thrilled that it is the weekend. we are easter egg hunting (not for hard-boiled - hardy, har, har) tomorrow. even though the rain is here, we are weathering the storm - literally. i am looking forward to our family time this weekend and for baskets full of candy and toys for the kiddos. plus, having the husband home, who doesn't babble or spit craziness when i speak to him (normally) is a gift in itself.

choppin broccoli

last night i made the best pork chops i have ever had. in fact, i have really been on top of my cooking game for the last few weeks. i wish i could take credit for the pork chop recipe, but it is actually from a cookbook i own called hot & spicy. 4 thick cut pork chops. marinate @ room temp for 30 minutes in 2 tbs soy sauce, 2 tbs molasses, 1 tbs black pepper, 1 tbs brown sugar, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper, 2 minced cloves of garlick (i doubled the marinade, added a lot more red pepper and garlick, and marinated for about 45 minutes.) drain the chops, reserve the marinade, and throw those beautiful pieces of meat into a 375 degree preheated oven for 30 - 40 minutes. i cooked them on a baking sheet covered in tin foil (important! sugar boo-urns) and put the chops on a (cookie) rack on top of that. transfer the glaze to a sauce pan,bring it to a boil, boil for 1 minute stirring constantly, and cover those cooked chops in spicy, garlicky goodness when they are done.

i am telling you - they were orgasm in mouth quality.

today we ate the leftover chops and they were still amazing the next day. we had the leftover garlick and olive oil couscous that i paired with them the night before, and i made my brilliant roasted broccoli tonight. easy recipe, super delicious, and still somehow finding out how to make our household favorite even better :

preheat oven to 450. i don't like the stems of the broc, so i cut it down into cute little florets and throw the stems out - i am sure you could cook them, too. depending on how much garlick you want, cut some into thick slices (i used about 3 heads of broccoli and 9 cloves of garlick, but we are junkies.) in a 13 x 9 pan i mix the broc and garlick with a bunch of olive oil (i infuse my own olive oil with rosemary and prefer to use that kind), a tbs or so of red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper. cook in the oven until you can't resist the sweet smell of roasted veggis any longer (15-30 minutes depending on how you like it done - i prefer about 30). straight out of the oven i cover the cooked broccoli in fresh lemon juice (to taste, honestly) and cover it in freshly grated pecorino. i am here to tell you now that it is beyond heavenly. i promise you. i promise me.

i also promise that the mini dq blizzard my husband brought me home tonight was the perfect ender to a(nother) great dinner. i just. love. eating.

burning bush? i think not

this may very well be tmi, but i am dying over here from continuous hot flashes. i so enjoy nursing my little chunk, but my hormones are so out-of-whack that i often feel like stripping off my clothes and hiding out in the freezer. if i wear anything more than a t-shirt, no matter what the weather, i am so miserable that it is unbearable. people look at me like i am a crazy woman when i am walking around in flip flops and t-shirt in the freezing cold weather, but every time they glance at me with the crazy looks i just want to scream at them, "you do not understand me! leave me alone to deal with my fifty thousand degree body in peace!" men just do not understand how much we women go through to produce evil little offspring and keep them happy and healthy.

last night my husband informed me that he took my sister's advice and made reservations at the chart house in annapolis for us for my birthday. he managed to snag us reservations for a table overlooking the water at sunset. not only will this be our first real date (by real i mean one where i wasn't miserably pregnant and feeling awful) in over a year and almost a half. he informed me that we will not be looking at any prices on the menu and that my only thing i have to do that night is enjoy myself. i am so excited. i cannot think of a better way to celebrate my crazy 30 years of life than expensive food and over-priced wine. there will be indulgence and it will be delicious. i love me some romance and i love me some husband.

i am typing this blog in the middle of the day because chunk is actually napping, again (that's 2 days in a row!) and ge is happily consuming tater tots and ketchup for lunch. how i met your mother is playing in the background and i am actually calm for the first afternoon in a while. i am enjoying the rain outside and the cool weather. there is a giant chicken to be roasted with lemons and garlicks for dinner, and the husband is bringing home fresh bread and salted butter to enjoy without regret. there is so much of friday night to enjoy ahead of me and a weekend with my wonderful family. i love being on the eve of weekends; it always lifts my mood to a better place.

secret sushi saturday

The husband and I went to The Wegman's today and purchased a bunch of fresh sushi rolls and a 6 pack of Sapporo. Tonight when the kids finally go down to bed I am going to pull myself up a place on our carpet kitchen table and dig in to rice and raw fish dipped into insanely large amounts of ginger and wasabi in a bit of soy sauce. I want my sauce to be so spicy that I make a face. I am so excited.

I haven't had sushi in over a year and a half and I am going to love my sushi as much as legally possible. If I marry sushi am I a polygamist? I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I plan to do this all after the kids go to bed because ge likes to play this game when I eat where he asks me over and over what I am eating just so he can tell me that he hates it. Not my most favorite game. And I love him, but I love sushi, and I just want to enjoy my moment of lust fulfillment.

The husband and I watched The Fighter last night - a movie that I enjoyed and highly recommend. We stayed up past our.bedtime and debated religious freedoms and enjoyed a moment of silence. I knew that 2 children would be crazy, but I never expected to learn to love the silent moments so much. And, in keeping with one of my goals, I cross stitched. I cross stitched the shit out of a sail boat and it looks good. I am proud.

I miss my computer. I apologize for the grammatical atrocities in this post, but I will redeem myself soon. Hopefully Monday.

how not to clean on a weekend

I had many hopes for this weekend. Those hopes were a spring-cleaned home, a smell of bleach throughout that spring-cleaned home, and a marathon watching of cheesy Lifetime movies while accomplishing said goals. To say I failed would be to say that I didn't succeed in some ways, but my goals were only 35.6 percent achieved, and the home that I am typing this message from is nowhere near spring-cleaned. And Lifetime, well, I hope that they are achieving their viewership goals in other ways because I in no way contributed.

Instead of goal smashing I let my poor sick husband sleep in on Saturday. I played with my kids, made circus shaped waffles, and went about my tasks at a pace that would make snails mock me. I did, however, get some goals knocked out. My closet is a shining example of a solid hour and fifteen minutes of work, my husband's closet has been eradicated of man slop, the clutter has been removed from our living room, and my storage unit is the proud owner of all the shit I didn't want in my house anymore.

Last night I was certain that I would tackle today and finish up all of the things I didn't accomplish yesterday. There was going to be dusting and vacuuming and bleaching and pine-sol galore. I was even going to jam out to music to up my production level, but I changed my mind after my Husband let me sleep in for a half an hour extra. I changed my mind because we only have so much time to actually enjoy the weekend. I changed my mind because the Pennsylvania state lottery system has been good to me and I had 70$ worth of scratchies to turn in and I felt like putting them to use. We worked on a few chores today, the necessary ones to make my house cleaning goals accomplish-able tomorrow, and then I decided to grant a break upon my family.

With 70$ of cash in my pocket I decided that the best thing we could do was venture out of the house, head to the best grocery store we know, buy some beautiful New York Strip steaks and a bottle of amazing Napa Cellars 2007 wine. We came home and built trains with Ge. We played silly games with Chunk that filled out house with infectious infant laughter. And when the kids went to bed I put the Husband and I's steak in the cast iron skillet as the wine took a bit of time to breathe. Dinner was amazing. I am hoping that the episode of Big Love that is coming up in 5 minutes will be amazing. And my house doesn't have a voice, so I do not worry about the backlash from my laziness. To be honest. spending a weekend with my kids and my husband was way more awesome than cleaning. And, there is always tomorrow.