unanswered prayers

chunk is currently in front of me practicing throwing tantrums. not just any type of tantrum, either - the kind where she throws her body onto the ground and screams. these are the times where i find being an atheist completely inconvenient because i have no one to pray to.

this week has been one of those weeks where both of my kids have challenged me in ways they never have before. we have had a busy few months and it seems that all of the chaos has finally caught up with them and rendered them both emotionally unstable. it also seems that i am the person they most want to take out their frustrations on be them good or bad. chunk thinks that i am the only person in the world who can take care of her problems and will come screaming to me after the slightest injustice happens in her tiny toddler world. this morning she couldn't lift the new batcave her brother got for christmas - the meltdown took 15 minutes to get through and included her literally throwing a book at me. i was never able to understand that some kids could just be inherently evil - bitter pill and all that jazz. sheesh.

the kids, the husband, and i cleaned up for christmas. the husband got me the gift of crafting and i gave him the gift of jiu jitsu. the kids loot included a ginormous play tent, stuffed animals, books, a play kitchen, the batcave complete with a ton of accessories, candy, a learning clock, puzzles, a leap frog laptop, and minnie mouse. they have done a surprisingly good job sharing everything they received, and aside from the damn elephant we have had no fights. the damn elephant came from aunt brook (at my request, so she is totally not on the hook for it.) the damn elephant is an adorable plush that has a wireless remote with a little button. the damn elephant makes his elephant noise when you push the button. you play hide and seek with the damn elephant and fun is supposed to ensue. if you live in my house, though, you have a crazy toddler that pushes the button over and freaking over again while you try to beat her into a room to hide the damn elephant and a (almost) 4 year old who sits in a corner crying because he wants to push the button. do you try to explain that the fun of the damn elephant is the actual finding part not the pushing the button part? you do. but they don't listen. and so you put the damn elephant in the closet and close the door because this is no fun anymore. damn elephant ain't no fun.

i think i just blacked out there.

we are hoping to make the elephant fun again in 2012.

we here at this house that we live in have been blessed with an amazing year. have we had our ups and downs? of course. the husband and i talked last night about how blessed we are that he has a job that can support me staying home to try and help our children not become future convicts, and that we have cool things like running water and electricity. we really don't have any right to complain about anything in our lives. in fact, i don't have many complaints outside of some incredibly annoying and selfish family members. really, though, the gift of living so far away from people is a beautiful one. so yes, good year and all that. plus, in 2012 i get to meet my niece, and i really couldn't put into words how happy that makes all of us here in this house.

i am not one to make goals for myself. so i won't.

i have a lot of hopes for 2012 and i am going to write those down for myself just as we did last year after i burn all of the things i want to let go from 2011. my biggest burn item is letting people get under my skin. i want to learn how to not give a shit in 2012. here's to hoping.

for now i have a toddler screaming, "here! book!" at me. that's a pretty clear message and since i am terrified of her i am going to meet her demands.


leveling up

right now (and for the past 6 months) ge is obsessed with games. everything that ge and daddy do must be a game. there must be rules, winners and losers, and always a name for the game. recently these games have begun to include levels, complicated structure, and rounds. there are 3 rounds and 4 levels within each round, or 1 round and 3 levels of increasing difficulty. there are rounds that only ge can play, but levels that we are somehow included in. it's safe to say that i do not completely understand how most of this goes down, but he does, and seeing as he is always somehow the winner of these games - well, i try not to complain.

this weekend the husband was trying to get some work done from home. ge stared at his dad's computer, completely confused by the black and teal database page that he was boringly typing into. "dad, what are you doing?" "i am working (insert boring explanation of credit database structure here)" "where are all the pictures in your game?" "this isn't a game, this is work." at this point the husband switched from the database to an email and back to the database again to which ge replied, "yeah. you lost that last level and now you have to be back here." so true, kiddo. so true.

our little princess tonka truck is obsessed with chocolate the last few weeks. the thing i find most amusing about it all is that she calls chocolate "cu-cow" which sounds a lot like cacao. she will run to her advent calendar a few different times a day and scream, "MORE CACAO!" and melt into a heap on the floor before she becomes bored and finds something to go destroy. i have to give her credit - she is persistent. her new words the last few weeks include car, train (tain), neigh (when she sees a horse), dink (drink), poom (for book - i have no idea on that one), bite, eyes, sprise (surprise), mine, and money (for monkey). she wants to read books all day long. all. day. long. mostly this horrible book about monkeys that drum and if i don't put the right sort of excitement into it she will literally throw the book at my head.

we have my brother in town for christmas and i have so much to do before than. of course i chose right now to blog because i really should be making cookies. damn procrastination.


the ge man

i have two blogs almost finished, but still sitting in my "i am too lazy to write 3 sentences to finish these up" box. one is a recipe for cheeseburger soup, the other a recipe for cream cheese enchiladas - both were friggin amazing. i also have chunk's one year book to finish up, a house to clean, presents to wrap, family coming in for christmas, and sleep to catch up on on my to do list. in fact, i am so tired of making a to do list that i simply stopped making one. instead i decided that i would make these cream cheese snickerdoodles and enjoy some time with my wonderful kids this week. besides, i am done with christmas shopping and that gives me at least 2 days of wasted time credits.

after i made the cookies my sweet little ge man proclaimed them to be, "the best cookies ever, mama" and said to me, "thank you for making these delicious cookies for me, mama. that was very really nice of you to do that." yes, that is how my 3 year old speaks to me. in fact, today he stated, "mama, when you bought me that hot cocoa it made me feel very special. thank you for thinking about me and making me happy, mama." the child would have been perfect in one of those old timey shows where families loved each other and said nice shit to each other when they were going to bed.

over thanksgiving we flew out to nana and papa's house to enjoy family, puppies, and gluttony. on the plane flight there ge was his normally well behaved self for the entire 6 hour flight. after we landed a lady approached me to compliment me on ge's behavior and told me i was doing a good job raising him. i thanked her, and admitted that we work hard on behavior and appreciation with our children, but was honest in telling her that the husband and i are just incredibly lucky to have a ge. he is an exceptional child in every way.

right now ge and i are making our way through a pre-school book to get him ready for the day i spend hours in the fetal position crying because my baby is in kindergarten. the first book centers around learning to write letters and draw his shapes - something he is working at very diligently. every day when chunk goes down for his nap he happily grabs his book and is ready to learn something new. afterwards he gets to play a few computer games until chunk is up and we go about our day. he has such a love and capacity for learning.

at this time ge can count to 15, but is close to getting up to twenty. he can spell his name and is learning to hear a word and spot out beginning letters. he knows his shapes, letters, and colors like a champ. he has mastered the art of somersaults, loves to "get his exercise", and has taught his baby sister how to play tag with him - a game that might be the cutest thing in the entire world. ge loves to laugh and to make people laugh. he and his little sister are the best of friends and she loves being his little shadow - everything ge does is the most amazing thing in the world.

i can't believe he is rounding the corner towards 4. i have cherished every moment with him from the day he was born and can remember so much of it like it was yesterday. i am excited to spoil him over christmas. he has brought so much christmas magic to our house with his love for the elf on the shelf, his christmas countdown happiness, and his love of decorations. this weekend we are making a gingerbread train together and i know that he will make it the best train ever, because that's just how he rolls.

it's funny - i don't feel like he is growing up too fast, but his thoughts are so incredibly grown up. he acts like a 40 year old sometimes, but he plays like a 4 year old and is always such a great joy to be around. we couldn't love him more than we do or be more grateful for him. our little man is just a super cool kid. we thinks he is the coolest kid in the world, but i am pretty sure we are bias on that one.