sprouting, yeah i did that.

the last 30 days have been an interesting time for me. i turned 30, my littlest one is 7 months old, the 3 year old gave me a run for my money every single day, and my husband and i truly found our stride as a couple. i am honestly thankful that i chose to blog this month, and i had no idea what this april had in store for me when april fool's day rolled around.

tonight i am having a hard time. the withdrawals have finally reached my brain and i am so frustrated that i have been reduced to self deprecating tears multiple times today. my memory has given me a run for my money tonight and i am frustrated because i know i shouldn't be having these issues. tonight i feel like the things happening to me are happening in snippets and it is hard to deal with. i can say, with all honesty, that the last week has been one of the most trying times in my life, and i am still powering through.

the husband didn't have a very good end of month and i feel for him. he works so hard for his company and for his family and i feel bad for him when things don't exactly work out for him. he kept his head with him as soon as he walked through our doors this week and he, as always, stepped in as the amazing father and husband that he is. i just couldn't put my feelings towards my husband in words that would give him justice; he is my best friend, my rock. i just love him, i really do. i couldn't possibly begin to be me without him.

chunk is growing up so quickly. i can't believe that she is already 7 months old. when i was 7 months pregnant with her i was miserable, and i never thought that she would be here. i remember wondering if i would be able to breastfeed her, if i would love her the same way i loved ge, and if i would even find the time to be a mom to her in the middle of the life of crazy that i lived. and chunk came and she blew me out of the water from the word go. i gave birth to her via c-section and being away from her during those moments of recovery were so hard. from the moment i met her i loved her with every inch of who i am. chunk has put the color into the sketch of my life and i love her for it more every day.

and ge, my sweet ge. that little boy is so brilliant and so sweet. at least once a day he turns to me and says, "mom? i love you, mom." and my heart is filled. i didn't know who i was before there was ge and he reminds me everyday that he has helped me find myself. being a mother to him has changed me for so many positive reasons and he taught me to find meaning in myself. ge is a hard subject for me because i feel like i become so choked up when i think about who he is. i am so proud of that little boy and we are so connected for so many reasons. even on our hardest days i can't help but pick him up into my arms and thank him for just existing.

i thought that 30 was going to be the end of me, but with my family behind me i know that it is just the beginning. living so close to my sister again has given me such happiness. being able to be 2 and a half hours away from a patio and a glass of wine with my hero, my friend, has brought such a new light into my life. i have reexamined my life and my friendships and everything i have in this life feels solid.

so sprout, yeah, i am doing that. i am going to keep doing that. i felt like blogging through april was hard, but when nablopomo sent me the email today that the theme for may is maybe, well i am on board. and maybe they won't all be lengthy. and maybe i won't make it every day. but i am going to try and i am going to pat myself on the back if i make it. and maybe tomorrow i am going to wake up and all of this shit is going to be gone and i will be back - 30 years old, mother of 2, proud wife, and still trying to figure it all the frack out.

and here it is

easter is an interesting holiday to me; being a person that is in no way religious i find the holiday itself a bit strange. i knew from the beginning that our home would not be a place where the easter bunny stopped by to visit, but as a child who loved her tootsie roll banks i knew we wanted to celebrate the day of chocolate bunnies and resurrection. okay, more chocolate bunnies and less fairytale.

i came up with the idea to send the kids on an in home treasure hunt while watching the easter egg hunting weather turn sour a few days leading up to the holiday. i had a basic idea of what i wanted ge to experience, but the idea unfolded after the presents were bought and the husband and i sat down with a pad of paper and newly bought markers. the husband suggested that we cover the home in misleading clues mixed in with the obvious. i suggested that we end the hunt in riddles to make the big presents a bit more thought provoking. ge brought the fun home when he figured out what we were doing and became so excited that we no longer cared that it was early morning. 

we did minimal candy and more practicality in gift form. games, cars, bottles, pacies, necessities, and the occasional emmie were purchased and hidden throughout our home. ge was given his easter basket with a star taped to the bottom and we tried to explain to him that he needed to find a star in the house that matched the one in his bucket. little man looked around and immediately started naming off the presents he could see, but couldn't quite grasp what we were asking of him. by the third clue he was in, and was off an running as soon as he found his next goal; be it letter, shape, or number. 

after the first few clues in he was led to a new basket, a pink basket, and his treasure hunt became his and chunk's treasure hunt, and he so enjoyed being the collector of all gifts. ge would find the clue, open the present, and tell chunk what he found. he was very good at placing the presents in the correct basket and was never jealous that chunk was part of this new game. i don't know if we have seen him so excited for a new adventure and that smart little brain of his was so happy to be so active and so intense in search. 

he loved that the letters of the alphabet went in order and would often pause to sing us the alphabet song. clues and eggs were left behind as he went in search of the next piece of paper that would lead him to the next treasure, and so on. we wondered how quickly he would catch on, if he would become bored, but he loved the rate that his basket filled with new treasures and the excitement of the educational aspect of this new easter tradition. he was always so happy to accomplish the next task, to figure out the clues and run throughout the house to pounce upon his hunting grasp. to say that we were proud of him throughout the hunt is an understatement. 

the riddles were a point of concern for his dad. was a three year old ready to grasp the concept of begging a question through rhymes? turns out, he was. he blurted out the answers to the riddles seconds after they were asked and those were his favorite moments of the entire hunt. chunk's book, a new bubble gun for ge, and uno moo were perfect gifts to round out a perfect morning. 

this is a new tradition in our home for easter. as the kids grow older the elements of the hunt can become more difficult. i look forward to ge always taking the lead in letting the little ones know how to get a treasure hunt done. by the time he was done searching for his treasures we had spent an hour of our easter morning in pure bliss and morning coffee and breakfast tasted even sweeter than thought possible. 

we finished off our easter day by taking a 3 hour tour of our area by way of the schuylkill trail. we made it to valley forge national park, where george washington housed the revolutionary troops, and the weather gave us a beautiful background for a wonderful family walk. there wasn't a moment in our entire day that wasn't full of laughter and smiles and i will always look back on our first tradition easter with fond memories. especially because warles joined us. 

entire photo goodness can be found here.


7 long days in withdrawal hell

last friday i decided to throw my zoloft away rather than take my dose of addiction for one more evening. the last 7 days have been nothing short of a trial and the ebb and flow of my body's withdrawal from that horrible medication has been difficult. today my lips are almost numb, with the occasional intense tingling feeling finding its way in there. my hands and feet are numb and tingling and my emotions are all over the board. i cried all morning when i saw kate's dress. i mean, it was really pretty, but i don't think that a sane kerry would have spent an hour crying because of the lacy beauty of the dress. last night the zaps were so horrible that it felt like i was going to have a heart attack. every 3rd beat of my heart was a bit off and i felt like i was being tenderly electrocuted. i hate all of these feelings. i hate the anxiety and the physical and emotional pain that this fracking drug withdrawal has given me.

on the plus side; my hair isn't falling out anymore, my sex drive is coming back, i don't feel like shooting myself in the head, and i am starting to find my old spark of me again. my husband told me last night that he was happy to have me back and that seems silly, but the last few months have just been so incredibly difficult and i had no idea that a drug that was supposed to "help me" was swallowing me whole.

i am looking forward to a weekend of 70 degree temperatures, 2 wonderful kids, and a marvelous husband to share those things with. i am thinking there will be a trip to our local dairy to find ice cream and something to cook whatever we decided we want for dinner. merrymead farm has the absolute best strawberry ice cream that i have ever consumed. and the cream i bought from there and used for a decadent thanksgiving tiramisu was amazing. perhaps a nice steak will do, we shall see. i can say, with 100 % certainty, that i will not be getting the scrapple. it concerns me that people actually eat that shit.

for those of you that haven't heard of scrapple before and do not understand why i cringe at the word, let me quote the informational gods of wikipedia to explain:

"Locally called "everything but the oink" or made with "everything but the squeal", scrapple is typically made of hog offal, such as the head, heart, liver, and other scraps, which are boiled with any bones attached (often the entire head), to make a broth. Once cooked, bones and fat are discarded, the meat is reserved, and (dry) cornmeal is boiled in the broth to make a mush. The meat, finely minced, is returned to the pot and seasonings, typically sagethymesavory, black pepper, and others, are added. The mush is formed into loaves and allowed to cool thoroughly until set. The proportions and seasoning are very much a matter of the region and the cook's taste.

yeah, that's disgusting.

on the up and up the kids are doing well this week. ge and i have had a few battles, but only because i have ramped up lessons on politeness and listening a bit. he is such a smart and sweet little boy and is adapting to the lessons well. he never ceases to surprise me with his kindness and intelligence. chunk has decided that sleeping isn't necessary again, but i am sure that is because she is getting ready to crawl. she is doing well with solids and i absolutely cannot believe that i have made it this far with breastfeeding her. i was hoping to make it to a month when i was pregnant with her and now it has just become second nature for both of us. we have such a strong bond and i thank my body for that. i hate to spend so many days complaining, but it has been nice to blog through this withdrawal and put it all down instead of bottling it up. hopefully this passes soon.



so michael scott hasn't officially left yet, but i am already tearing up watching the engagement episode, so i know that in 3 minutes from now i am totally screwed in the kerry-cries-at-the-drop-of-a-hat arena. the husband and i spend so much time devoted to our marriage and our children that we forget to have real friends, so our television shows kind of turn into our friends and we really get involved. i actually talk about the people on how i met your mother as if i really spend time with them and they are something other than a script. and, to be fair, that show (and parenthood!) is the best show ever.

i could take a moment here to discuss my thoughts on the new season of teen mom and the fact that dustin from rrlv is totally effed up in the head because of his stint as a boy on boy porn star, but i won't. i feel as if i have already said too much.

i am feeling a lot more like myself today. i actually spent the morning laughing and playing and none of my feelings were forced in any way. and that is saying a lot because chunky decided that sleep was for bitches last night and that neither her father or i are bitches. don't worry, you'll get it. i cleaned the house, bought some red wine, turned some of that red wine into an amazing sketti sauce, and now it is time to tune into our television friends to see if their days were okay, too.

i love my g rated life. goodnight.


the beatles were right

- it is getting better all the time.

today has been a much easier day. perhaps that is because i bought a fan and a few clothes i feel good in from the target, or perhaps it is because i noticed that since i stopped taking the zoloft my hair actually stopped falling out, perhaps it is the antibiotics finally kicking in, or it is simply because i have an amazing family that has rallied around me for days. i wish i could say that my poor husband is doing well, but it is month end and his numbers aren't where they should be and he is very rabble rabble.

today ge and i battled back and forth about every hour or so. we are working on listening, which is far easier said than done. chunk is really wanting to crawl, but only thinks that that can be done while floundering about on her over-sized belly. and as much as i want to blog, i am tired and 30 days is a long time. i started out so passionate, but i have just lost that loving blog feeling.

and it's gone, gone, gone ... woahohahoh ba dum ba dum.


day 5 (ish) meh edition

this afternoon the kids and i finished up our shopping trip and i asked ge if i could have his hand to walk through the parking lot and he spent the following 20 minutes lecturing me because "we don't have people's hands, we hold them." and no, i did not teach him that. 

today has been rough. last night i didn't sleep; i had an incredibly weird out of body experience every time i came close to falling asleep. last night i could hear and sense everything going on around me, but my body would never let me fully fall to sleep. to say i am exhausted is an understatement. the zoloft detox has me in a bit of a depression funk today, to say the least, but i powered through and spent quality time with ge playing ring around the rosie and we laughed and laughed every time we all fell down. if it weren't for my amazing family i don't know if i could make it through everything going on right now.

living in a phillie swamp-like weather has not helped boost my mood as it is muggy and hot right now. yes, it may seem like i complain a lot, but it is seriously muggy right now. our home has no ceiling fans and ventilation is for not, so i am sending the husband to buy a fan tomorrow so we can get a bit of relief. 

the most important thing to me right now is a reminder that this too shall pass. and i know it will. 


a good excuse becomes a simple reason

i really wanted to edit and post my pictures of our wonderful easter and include a story or two, but instead i woke up with an abscessed tooth, spent the afternoon at urgent care, and have been battling the crazy heat along with a wonderful bout of extreme nausea. typing words is making my stomach churn even more. this. is. lame.

and in all honesty i am currently detoxing from zoloft (have been for 4 days now) and it is absolutely horrible. the zaps are miserable, the constant sickness, debilitating depression, hot / cold spells, headache, numbness, tears, and all of the other evils that come with withdrawal. i would have never, never, gone on zoloft if someone explained to me that when i got off of it i would literally go through withdrawals; it's horrible. i could write a p.s.a. about the evils of that effing drug, but i have to go throw up, again.

so yes, the last four days have been horrible. easter was wonderful and my family is amazing, but i have been in the heat of a losing battle and it doesn't really feel like it is getting any better. i read that zoloft detox takes a week or a few months. and i wouldn't have gone off of it, but i literally was becoming alarmingly suicidal and it took me sitting down after a long crazy conversation with my sister to realize that something was going on in my brain that wasn't healthy. and so, as a grown ass adult who needs to reach in and find her coping skills, i got off of that drug and am going to learn to manage my anxiety and my ocd the old fashioned way ... by sucking it up.

after suffering postpartum depression with my son i welcomed in the damb drug with open arms when my obgyn gave me a prescript when my daughter was born. and it helped for a while. but after getting my dose upped to 150 mg things started to get out of control. i didn't even realize that i was spending most of my days deep in thoughts of horrible things i could do to myself and it never really occurred to me that something was wrong with that. and looking back on it the longer i took zoloft the more depressed i became and that is what made me decide i needed more and so on. the effing drug is a vicious cycle with no rinse option.

and yes, maybe this is a little bit of blog t.m.i., but maybe someone will read this and they will understand my message - zoloft is teh evils. i would have told you different a few months ago, but i was wrong. very wrong. and ytf don't doctors tell you that when you go off of it you will literally go insane(r)? my heart beat is completely irregular right now and the doctor at urgent care just said, "yep, going off that drug is really hard." i feel like doctors should tell you that you will have to go through all of these things, because i never would have gone on it. if my doctor would have said, "well, it's going to help balance your hormones out after the pregnancy, but eventually it will make you incredibly depressed and you will think that suicide is a great option. and then, when you realize that that is in no way healthy because the person that is inside of you that isn't on crazy drugs loves her life and definitely wants to live, you will get off of it and horrible things will happen to you. you will be sitting on the couch and it will feel like someone literally shocked your brain and then you will feel dizzy and then you will spend an entire morning crying for no reason and feel a sadness that is heavier than any blanket you have ever felt. here, take this pill." i would have been forced to punch my doctor and tell him / her abso-fracking-lutely not. and, are you freaking stupid? no one should feel any of those things.

and there you have it. if that doesn't fit the april theme of "sprout" for nablopomo, i don't know what does. i am sprouting back to myself. i am remembering, again, that i don't need all the crazy stuff and i just need to be surrounded by the wonderful people i love. life has its hard moments, but looking back on all of it i am thrilled to be here today. and, ask anyone who knows me, i can be drama.

please send my tooth infection negative thoughts and tell it you don't want it around me anymore. make it feel really bad about itself because it is killing me. 4 more days of antibiotics and hopefully only a few more days of withdrawal. i told the husband tonight that i do feel like i am going to come out of this in a few days and i will feel like me again. the real me that isn't completely insane. the drama me, but not the drama me that bawls all night and says horrible things i really don't feel. i miss me. i miss my own brain and my own feelings and not being a blue robot.

remember, kids, just say no to drugs. all of them.

that's stupid silly, mom

for easter we got chunk an adorable little "book" by vtech that sings songs and does other flashy crap that 6 month olds love. the 3 year old loves it, too, as he is finally getting into the whole music isn't evil thing. he is currently obsessed with the hey diddle diddle rhyme and presses it just to tell me, "mom, dishes don't run away with spoons, that's stupid silly. we wash the dishes."

ge absolutely hates jokes and refuses to talk about things that are not possible. he loves to sit in his room with his dad and make his dad talk to him through his mickey mouse doll. yesterday ge and mickey mouse were having a conversation and his dad tried to use his own voice for a second and he said, "dad, i am not talking to you, i am talking to mickey!" i am glad that his dad is patient, and has a decent mickey voice, because ge loves to "play that game"

and everything we do is a "game" in ge's world. he will literally look at me and say, "mom, let's play that game where i say bleck." or any other crazy sound of the moment. he uses the word game for any activity he wants to do. he has an amazing memory and told me the other day that he misses his old sandbox, a sandbox that he had in our old house over a year and a half ago. he remembers things that happened throughout his second year of life with vivid detail. i guess my point is that the kid is brilliant and we love him. and i just felt like writing it down.


it's kind of ...

every night as i get ge ready for bed we discuss the events of the day, or the weekend, in order to remind him that even though he has to sleep now, we actually did have fun in the past. tonight we were talking about our awesome easter weekend and i asked him why he didn't want to say hi to elmo or the easter bunny while we were at the fire house on saturday and he replied, "well, because they were creepy."

i have a blog that includes pictures sitting up in my head that includes all of the fun details from our weekend, but instead of writing it now i am going to put it off until tomorrrow because - well, because relax. that's why. relax + beer + last moments with the husband before he is off to month end work week + relax = no lengthy blog tonight.

we had an amazing weekend and my idea worked out perfectly and right now there is a giant thunderstorm happening outside and even though my brain and my body are pretty effed up for currently undisclosed reasons i am going to end this run on sentence by saying that all of those good things in the before of this sentence are making all the bad things okay. well, as okay as the bad things can be. relax.



i would like to write a lengthy blog about how our day was awesome, but the husband and i are currently setting up a lengthy treasure hunt for ge. new easter traditions + crayola markers + tape + a lot of toys = an adventure for the parents. will explain and post pictures tomorrow. happy peep day, everyone!


a few things

today was a rough one in mommy land. i love my little ones, but as any parent knows - some days are more trying than others. this particularly rough day led to my husband coming home before tomorrow and i gave him the nickname, "the closer." seriously, the man is a stress relieving genius. when i feel like i am all done he swoops in and makes the kids laugh while i make him home-made blue cheese stuffed burgers in return.

oh, by the way, my dinner tonight was awesome. 2 lbs of 94-6 ground beef, garlick, salt, pepper, a spice concoction i keep on hand (smoked paprika, garlic powder, onion powder, cayenne, oregano, sage, poultry seasoning, pepper, salt, chipotle powder, and a bit o' rosemary). mix the beefy goodness together, create 8 patties, place about a tablespoon or so of blue cheese crumbles on the top of 4 patties, cover with more spice mixture, and finish by placing another patty on top and smoothing the lines out for cooking. i use my skillet to cook - medium high on both sides for 2 minutes and then tent on med for about 3 minutes more on each side. top with arugula, maters, and red onion. so. effing. delicious. so yeah, he may be the closer, but i make his tummy happy.

i am beyond thrilled that it is the weekend. we are easter egg hunting (not for hard-boiled - hardy, har, har) tomorrow. even though the rain is here, we are weathering the storm - literally. i am looking forward to our family time this weekend and for baskets full of candy and toys for the kiddos. plus, having the husband home, who doesn't babble or spit craziness when i speak to him (normally) is a gift in itself.

he ain't no share bear

yesterday the kids received easter presents from their beloved nana and papa. toys r us messed up and sent 2 of the chunk's present, something that has confuseled the ge monster for the last 24 hours. we have had many a conversation about why nana sent chunk 2 presents and he only got 1. the realities of the additional present are impossible to explain to him and he simply cannot get over it. this morning he was lying on the floor playing with chunk's new rolly turtle happily. he looked up at me and said, "hey mom, it's nice to share!" to which i replied, "yes, you can share your toys with chunky, too." "well, no," he said back to me "today just chunky is going to be nice."


choppin broccoli

last night i made the best pork chops i have ever had. in fact, i have really been on top of my cooking game for the last few weeks. i wish i could take credit for the pork chop recipe, but it is actually from a cookbook i own called hot & spicy. 4 thick cut pork chops. marinate @ room temp for 30 minutes in 2 tbs soy sauce, 2 tbs molasses, 1 tbs black pepper, 1 tbs brown sugar, 1 tsp ground coriander, 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper, 2 minced cloves of garlick (i doubled the marinade, added a lot more red pepper and garlick, and marinated for about 45 minutes.) drain the chops, reserve the marinade, and throw those beautiful pieces of meat into a 375 degree preheated oven for 30 - 40 minutes. i cooked them on a baking sheet covered in tin foil (important! sugar boo-urns) and put the chops on a (cookie) rack on top of that. transfer the glaze to a sauce pan,bring it to a boil, boil for 1 minute stirring constantly, and cover those cooked chops in spicy, garlicky goodness when they are done.

i am telling you - they were orgasm in mouth quality.

today we ate the leftover chops and they were still amazing the next day. we had the leftover garlick and olive oil couscous that i paired with them the night before, and i made my brilliant roasted broccoli tonight. easy recipe, super delicious, and still somehow finding out how to make our household favorite even better :

preheat oven to 450. i don't like the stems of the broc, so i cut it down into cute little florets and throw the stems out - i am sure you could cook them, too. depending on how much garlick you want, cut some into thick slices (i used about 3 heads of broccoli and 9 cloves of garlick, but we are junkies.) in a 13 x 9 pan i mix the broc and garlick with a bunch of olive oil (i infuse my own olive oil with rosemary and prefer to use that kind), a tbs or so of red pepper flakes, and salt and pepper. cook in the oven until you can't resist the sweet smell of roasted veggis any longer (15-30 minutes depending on how you like it done - i prefer about 30). straight out of the oven i cover the cooked broccoli in fresh lemon juice (to taste, honestly) and cover it in freshly grated pecorino. i am here to tell you now that it is beyond heavenly. i promise you. i promise me.

i also promise that the mini dq blizzard my husband brought me home tonight was the perfect ender to a(nother) great dinner. i just. love. eating.

literally literal

ge: "mom, my lunch was delicious"

me: "you're deliciuos"

ge: "uhm, no, mom ... people don't eat people."


nice patrol

ge has become the hall monitor of that which is nice and that which is not. the which is not being things that ge does not want to happen. today he took a toy away from chunk, a toy that he knew he wasn't supposed to take away. when i let him know that it isn't nice to take toys away from other people he responded with, "mom, it's not nice to tell me it's not nice." yeah, that makes sense. telling him to go to bed, getting upset if he does something wrong, and asking him not to climb underneath my feet as i walk are all not nice things to do. today a bee tried to come into our home and he closed the glass door and gave the bee a lecture about how coming into our home is also not a nice thing to do. he has become the hall monitor on all things not nice for ge.

chunk decided last night that sleep wasn't necessary. i disagreed, but my cries weren't as loud as hers when i was trying to sneak in at least five seconds of shut eye between her crazy needs. i assume she is going through a growth spurt, teething, or a learning curve of some kind. i take that back, she is pretty much just being 7 months old. and, in a moment of tmi (but one other women who breastfe(e)d could appreciate) ytf do the little ones think that biting after feeding is hilarious!? she will seriously finish up the second side and clamp down. when i yell out she starts laughing and looks so proud. babies are evil. plus, they still chew on your shit and don't poop outside like puppies. mebbe an american bulldog named matthew mcconaughey would have been a better choice. mebbe not.

we have decided not to tell the kids that a giant bunny is going to hop around and bring them presents on sunday, but rather to let them know that we love them and bought them a basket of gifts. i had a hard time with the santa thing, but i have to admit that the excitement for christmas was fun. i just don't think a giant rabbit is something i want to start making lies about. and, to be honest, i find the tooth fairy incredibly creepy. i would rather them believe in powdered toast man.


the best part of waking up

first thing in the morning, when my husband is rising from bed to get ready for work, i like to shift myself and my pillow over to his side of the bed and saddle into supreme comfort. i do this because i love the smell and the reminder of him just existing. ge often walks in shortly after, with the biggest pouty pants face ever, to crawl up next to me and ask sadly why daddy has to go to work. one day, during the comfort and the pouting, i let ge know that daddy has to go to work so we can have a house and presents; ge replied saying, "i don't want presents, i just want daddy to stay home." and my heart melted.

i may be the person that cleans our home, cooks our dinners, and cares for the kids throughout the day, but my husband is the glue that holds everything together. not only is he amazingly handsome, but he is such a caring and loving man. there isn't a single day that passes where he puts his own needs in front of anyone else and he always knows how to bring a smile and a laugh in the very hardest of times. i know it is cliché, and perhaps a bit fluffy lovey, but he really is my best friend and the light at the end of my tunnel. it would be impossible to put words to the way that i love him, and the way he loves us.

and so, in those morning minutes, i take in everything i feel for him with a deep breath and an intense feeling of appreciation and love. i may not tell him those feelings each day, but i try and never let a moment go by where i don't let him now that he is our strength and peace. and every day those moments are the most relaxing ones for me, the ones that get me ready to great my day and ready myself for whatever insanity the little uns' are about to bring upon me. i do not know what heaven feels like, but i imagine it has nothing on that.



my ideas for blogging are about as fresh as the food i reheated and called dinner. the leftovers were good and all, but it was the same thing we ate yesterday. and right now i feel as if i have been snacking on the same words for 18 days. so i will try again, tomorrow. i am hopeful that my fingertips will find their creative pace and place words upon my computer screen that i am happy with. until then.


happy to be home

i want to write about my weekend. i want to say positive things about my sister, her husband, their child, and my many thankful thoughts towards them for watching our children. i want to tell you all that my sister somehow fixed all of ge's eating issues and tonight he decided that fish sticks were something he was going to eat, after falling in love with pesto pizza. i want to say that dinner was amazing, and that my husband and i are still reaping the benefits of a night to ourselves. i want to, but i am so relaxed. i had one of those weekends that makes me so grateful to be home because i feel like me again. i had one of those weekends that brings you peace in your heart and in your mind. i had one of those weekends that i will be grateful to all those involved for the remainder of my days.

and now, we relax.


perfect night

Chart house : martini, wine, east meets west tuna, blue cheese fillet mignon w/ mashed potatoes and grilled shrimp, mojito, baileys and coffee, and the house dessert with reese's peanut butter cup inside.


learning as we go

ge is currently slouched over in his chair, becoming more and more of a pouty lump as the minutes tick by. occasionally he will spring from his chair and exclaim, "mom, it's one o'clock yet?". and i reply no, again, for the eleventy billionth time. lesson learned :

next time we are going to see aunt brook, do not tell the mini, until we are literally heading out the door, that we are going for a visit. he just gets so excited; he won't eat, he sleeps horribly, and he spend every waking moment asking when the hell we are going and thinking that his dad and i are completely incompetent and idiotic because why in the eff wouldn't we just leave now!? that little guy loves him some aunt brook. her house is a magical place full of puppies and happiness. why wouldn't he love it? we do, too.

(i failed to mention in my last post that the same pouty pants 3 year old also hilariously asks me, "mom, what's so funny about?" anytime i burst out laughing over something.)

of course the forecast for saturday is rain, rain, thunder, wind, and a bit more rain. so plans to wander the streets of annapolis are most certainly not a go, but delicious food and a bit of adult time with my husband is. i am getting really damb sick of all of this weather and i know that everyone else, from the west to the east is, too.


em oh you es eeeeee

ge came running in from the patio today and happily screamed, "mom! it's just so nice to play bubbles outside!" the gods of weather finally shined a beautiful day of sunshine and 70 degrees upon us and he so enjoyed running outside and blowing bubbles and drawing with his chalk. i love watching him play outside; he always looks so genuinely happy. a lot like how he looks when he plays with his daddy.

we have been working on counting with ge for the past few months. i literally spent about 3 weeks trying to convince him that the number 5 exists. normally when he would count he would go, "1, 2, 3, 4 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 8, 9, 10!" 5, 6, and 7 really felt left out. one of his favorite games is hide and seek and we incorporated a need to count before we played at all and the other day, as he told his dad to go hide by the couch, he started counting and he counted from 1 - 15 and he included all of the numbers, and i was so excited that i let out a little yelp and felt a lot like crying. he counts to fifteen, he will actually sing me the entire alphabet song and he doesn't miss a letter, and he loves singing me twinkle twinkle little star.

my favorite activity of the ge man lately is his love for his mickey mouse clubhouse plush dolls. they are just the little disney store guys, perfect size for his 3 year old little hands, and he loves them. wow, does he ever love them. disney should start paying me for how often that kid watches, references, and dreams about mickey mouse. he currently owns pink minnie, red minnie, mickey, pluto, goofy, daisy, and donald and he carries them around the house with them. he loves to make his dad and i give them voices and act out games with them. but when he is having his own time in his room he will sit with all of them and give them his voice, and make them have his scenarios, and if you peek in on him while he is doing it he immediately turns red in the face and stops. and so i will sit by the door to his bedroom without him knowing and i will listen to my beautiful little three year old boy give his favorite toys his own voice. and wow, his voice is the cutest thing i have ever heard. and mickey and his friends, they fight, the make-up, the are never allowed to hit each other, and they always give one another hugs when something happened at ge's clubhouse to make them sad. listening to him give those dolls life makes me so proud to have such a sweet and beautiful little boy.

he may make crazy sounds, or tell me no when i try to do things like feed him, or put him to bed. but he is my pain in the ass little three year old and i love him more and more with each passing day. he gives me, his dad, and his little sister a voice, too.


candle light vigil - twenties edition

my wonderful husband lit thirty candles for me this morning and woke me up to come see them along with the sweet ass classic 160 gig i pod he got me. he said it was welcoming in my 30s, but we see things a bit differently. and so, as i blew them out, i mourned the loss of my sweet friend 2. may my twenties rest in the chaotic peace they lived in. forever and ever, amen.


i've got nothing

the old is creeping in. i can feel the 30 seeping in to my brain and making it impossible to be creative. or, maybe, i am just making it all up in my crazy old head. one can never be sure.

we used to live in south jordan, utah. we had this amazing horse named babe, and she was pretty much my horse. my pretty white horse. i would often go lie down next to her while she napped during the middle of the day; i felt such a huge feeling of peace during those times. i am craving that moment right now. the silence, the dirt, the smell of my horse, the feeling of a big animal trusting me so much, the calm of the moment. today has been a blur of "put that down", "no you can't have ice cream for breakfast", and "one moment, mommy only has two hands and little sanity left." i need a minute of calm. i need a deep breath of sanity inducing air. i need a horse, and a mountain to run her up.

looking back on the last 3 decades of life has been funny, and sad, and memorable in so many ways. i wouldn't change a thing because i love my life, but i definitely made some mistakes along the way. i got lucky, and for some reason i am astutely aware of that today.


giving 30 before 30

my 30th birthday is in 2 days. in the spirit of living 3 decades i have decided to make a list. i am calling this my 30 people, place, events, and / or things that i have loved before 30 list. it's a lengthy title, but my life has been, as well. 

and now, in a not not random order, my 30 people, place, events, and / or things that i have loved before 30 list:

  • red lodge, montana. for the years and years of experiences i have had there. not limited to, but including: the hotel, the hot tub, the pool, the laughs, the drinks, the drives, and the family memories. 
  • living in the same apartment complex as my sister for some wild and crazy years. we lived, we laughed, we drank a bit too much, and one time some guy with a mullet threatened us. also, pink fucking sauce.
  • pool league. at one time i actually beat one of the top ranked women in utah. also included is playing in the diviest of dive strip clubs in magna, utah. 
  • avalanches and risqué behavior as a high school student during school hours. end of story. 
  • also in high school; receiving my fire fighting 1, haz mat certification, and emt-b with a class of all males and being called, "one of the boys."
  • certainly, of course, the birth of my first child. the events surrounding his entrance to the world were traumatic, but he changed me in every way for the better. we gave each other the life we always needed.
  • fire pits with my family. yes, we are loud, obnoxious, and probably speak over each other too often, but we have a damn good time doing it. 
  • the time they lit fire works off of our rental car in cowley, wyoming. 
  • cowley, wyoming. full of my family, a wonderful parade every year, and a teenage dance where i did some teenage things. the smell of cowley, and the happiness of being there, will always feel like home.
  • throwing a snowball at a buffalo in yellowstone when i was a very young girl because it wouldn't move.
  • karaoke bowling with a big group of friends. girls just wanna have fun. 
  • i ran over a bunny, once, coming home from a trip to montana / wyoming. and even though we were blasting slipknot in my sweet little isuzu, i burst into tears. i now call all of our hopping friends by our house my little bunny bunnies.
  • the thousands of different haircuts and hairstyles that i have been through throughout the years. 
  • moving to new mexico. damn, i miss the food. i miss the people. and i miss our home.
  • of course, chunky being born. the husband and i had such a surreal experience that week. she gave us a family and all we have her was life; it doesn't seem like a just trade.
  • receiving the title of miss raz mataz. hell, just dancing as a little girl meant the world to me. i will always remember a decent shuffle - ball - change.
  • my mother, sitting in mormon church so many moons ago, singing a beautiful song with tears rolling down her face on father's day. there was so much power and emotion. 
  • my sister, key west, dixie chicks cover - her beautiful voice singing on the patio is still something i can hear when i close my eyes. 
  • i hated me some tubby brothers, but somehow being included in my brother's games, even if they hurt me, meant a lot to me as a child. 
  • my sister's chemistry set. 
  • the day my husband tried to break my arm and i wound up getting punched in the jaw by his dad.
  • yes, that was a lot of fun.
  • key west. spending a week spending too much money with all of the coolest people i know - getting kicked out of sloppy joes - i mean, really, what beats that?
  • the time a group of friends and i went hiking up to the hot pots in the middle of the night after watching blair witch project and dustin from walla walla jump out of the bushes and literally sent our friend screaming bloody murder down at least a mile of the mountain.
  • hiking delicate arch by full moon.
  • being a mom, a wife, a sister, and a daughter. and taking that roll very seriously.
  • all of the music that has been the soundtrack to this crazy 30 year roller coaster that has been my life. honorable mentions go to (first and foremost) sublime, color me badd, the violent femmes, boys 2 men, slipknot, jewel, eagles, tom petty, ian anderson, garth brooks, and jay-z.
  • moving to pa
  • my wedding week with my amazing husband. 
  • the weekends, the days, the minutes, the moments, the everything that i stick into that seconds that is my life. it may not have always been perfect, but after thirty years i am in such an amazing place and i can honestly say; i simply couldn't ask for more.  


fluorescent self esteem

part of my issue with turning 30 has been reinventing my personal sense of style. having 2 children hasn't been that kind to my body and the way that i dressed pre baby weight does not lend itself well towards my current body type. plus, when i was pregnant with the chunk i pretty much ate whatever i wanted and now i am paying for it. oh, and i love food. i love butter and pasta and bread and fatty meats. i even love ice cream. and wine. at the beginning of the year i really tried hard to turn up the heat on working out, but i honestly do not have the time. when the kids have their down-time i use those moments to straighten up the house or prep dinner. and the weather outside this winter was so awful that we didn't get any walking time in. i am hoping to really push the walks this spring / summer with myself because losing just 15 pounds will put me back where i would be comfortable and happier with my body shape.

since i had chunk 6 months ago i have been hiding behind over sized clothing and pajama pants. i essentially live in pajama pants, i love them. none of my clothes really fit me anymore and the thought of trying on clothes depressed me. plus, i finally understood the pains of having bigger boobs. nothing. fits. seriously! by the time i find something that fits my chest i have lost all the shape in the bottom of it. nothing feels flattering and sizes just don't work anymore. by boobs are at least a size 12 and my waist is between an 8 and a 10. since i don't feel like i am going to quit nursing anytime soon i finally bit the bullet and did some birthday shopping today at the mall with the husband and the minis.

the first hour of the trip to the mall was a disaster. i was hoping that ge would start complaining so i had a reason to just give up and leave, but he didn't and the husband insisted i keep looking. at macy's i finally found 2 croppy pants and a shirt that didn't make me want to cry. felt pretty good. i wanted to find a dress to wear to the husband and i's fancy date next weekend, but i kept striking out. everything i tried on pushed me closer and closer to the brink of tears. trying on clothes is hell on a woman's self esteem.

i did, however, find the dress i was looking for after a round of pretzel sticks and cheese. shining like a beautiful blue light in the ann taylor window was this dress (<3). a check on the price found me saying, "shit, i really shouldn't do 148" but they were giving 30% off of your purchase and my husband told me to get my ass in the store and try it on. i never thought it would fit, but it did, and in a size down from the one i picked up first. it has been such a long time since i felt pretty and that feeling is wonderful. paired with these shoes i bought i am going to be a cute date for my husband. i was going to wear pajama pants, but i decided to finally dress myself up like a lady.

and so, to women everywhere, i just want to apologize and offer my sympathies. it doesn't matter what size you are we are all so hard on ourselves. i have spent so much time lately hiding behind my clothes that i forgot how good it feels to wear something i feel good in. the most beautiful women are the ones that feel it, no matter what size and shape they are. we all grow, we all change, but we all deserve to feel good. and to find heels that are comfortable.


small n small y big effing q

the family and i have long loved denis leary. no cure for cancer was hilarious, and lock and load is a personal favorite stand-up for me.when i watched it, many moons ago, i had no idea the realities of what i thought was hilarious back then. ge is a wild man and lately he has embodied the little drunken midgets that denis describes so  well. and so, instead of my words today i give you denis's, because he is funnier than me and tells a damn good story. now, if you will excuse me i am off to have a beer and enjoy the silence. blessed be bedtime. 


burning bush? i think not

this may very well be tmi, but i am dying over here from continuous hot flashes. i so enjoy nursing my little chunk, but my hormones are so out-of-whack that i often feel like stripping off my clothes and hiding out in the freezer. if i wear anything more than a t-shirt, no matter what the weather, i am so miserable that it is unbearable. people look at me like i am a crazy woman when i am walking around in flip flops and t-shirt in the freezing cold weather, but every time they glance at me with the crazy looks i just want to scream at them, "you do not understand me! leave me alone to deal with my fifty thousand degree body in peace!" men just do not understand how much we women go through to produce evil little offspring and keep them happy and healthy.

last night my husband informed me that he took my sister's advice and made reservations at the chart house in annapolis for us for my birthday. he managed to snag us reservations for a table overlooking the water at sunset. not only will this be our first real date (by real i mean one where i wasn't miserably pregnant and feeling awful) in over a year and almost a half. he informed me that we will not be looking at any prices on the menu and that my only thing i have to do that night is enjoy myself. i am so excited. i cannot think of a better way to celebrate my crazy 30 years of life than expensive food and over-priced wine. there will be indulgence and it will be delicious. i love me some romance and i love me some husband.

i am typing this blog in the middle of the day because chunk is actually napping, again (that's 2 days in a row!) and ge is happily consuming tater tots and ketchup for lunch. how i met your mother is playing in the background and i am actually calm for the first afternoon in a while. i am enjoying the rain outside and the cool weather. there is a giant chicken to be roasted with lemons and garlicks for dinner, and the husband is bringing home fresh bread and salted butter to enjoy without regret. there is so much of friday night to enjoy ahead of me and a weekend with my wonderful family. i love being on the eve of weekends; it always lifts my mood to a better place.


i just shouldn't listen

i do not want to turn my new and improved blogging land into a space to discuss my political opinions, but i do feel a need to state my opinion for just a moment. listening to the radio tonight on my quick drive to the grocery store i happened in on a conversation between hugh hewitt and rick santorum where-in rick declared that planned parenthood has never cared about women's health and were only interested in abortions and eugenics. as a woman, a woman that has utilized the amazing services of planned parenthood since my teenage years, i couldn't be more offended. i have used planned parenthood for such a wide range of services including, but not limited to: birth control, plan b, advice, medical paperwork, and pregnancy tests (where they never offered me an abortion option, btw.) planned parenthood gives so many young women a place to admit that they are having sex and take the proper precautions to prevent unwanted pregnancies. they have been a safe haven for so many women and a friend to many more. i absolutely cannot stand sitting back and listening to a man tell people his opinions about a place he never even tried to understand. as women we deserve an option, a place, a voice, a fracking opinion - for hell's sake. it's such a maddening issue to me.

all that being said, chunk loved her some carrots today. it seemed as if the puffs really helped motivate her to eat and enjoy eating. she actually napped today, allowed me to sleep for 3 entire hours last night, and the husband and i are hoping that she will extend that to at least 3 and a 1/2 tonight. i feel hopeful. she seems to be coming around to a napping schedule. as a skeptic, though, i know that as soon as she gets on a schedule something horrible will come along to knock her off of it.

i love red wine. i love it a lot. it helps me tell my 3 year old, who is currently covering my glass patio doors in bubbles, that he is right in the fact that he thinks he is actually cleaning them. i just smile, try and hold back my ocd needs to clean the mess of bubbles off my windows, and then sip my wine knowing that it gives me sour grape comfort - for the moment.


post of the day, take two

today i somehow managed to cook, clean, and care for the kids on such a minimal amount of sleep that i think chunk is turning me into a robot, too. we had fun, though, and ge loving the game epic mickey on wii was helpful for a bit of downtime when the chunk was taking her 15 minute nap.

i had ge help me put the roast in the crock pot today and help me make mashed potatoes and he was just so happy to be there helping. the kid is a natural in the kitchen and is completely enthralled with the process of cooking. i love his inquisitive nature and his love for getting in and helping no matter the situation. he is such an observant little guy and that can be both challenging and rewarding, depending on the situation. he doesn't forget anything and remembers things that happened over a year ago at only 3 years old. when he is trying to recall something that happened i can watch him view the moment in his mind through pictures and his words can never seem to come out as quick as the pictures he sees in his head. we have to often help him along a bit to find some of his words because he gets stalled and gets frustrated pretty easily. i hate to be "that mom", but the kid is just so damn brilliant.

having a 3 year old is such a surreal experience at times. he is so loving and tender and so willing to turn on you at any moment for any reason. i feel like i am often walking a tight rope to make sure that everything is held together and i have to be honest, my feet are tired. this weekend the husband is going to be stand-in-mom so i can do a bit of mall shopping for my upcoming dirty 30 birthday. i cannot wait to smell the commerce during the first moment i have been without a mini attachment in over a year. i am just hoping that the clothes i buy fit me as well as my beautiful family.

te amo

I have a personal rule with myself; every time I am incredibly frustrated with the kids, I take a deep breath and say, "i love you." Let's just say that they really, really know I love them today.


knee deep in "it"

for the past few weeks we have been trying to teach the 3 year year old the concept of sharing - something that be believes is third in line of bull-shit-things-he-has-to-do. third only to going to bed, and leaving the park. we started slowly; chunk should be able to have one of his toys when she plays in his room, but has to give it back before she leaves. this week we have moved more into making him share one of his toys at any given time in any given room. he is fine with sharing, as long as it isn't with his baby sister. but a breakthrough came today by way of goldfish crackers, and ended in her being able to play with one of mickey mouse's friends (pluto, to be exact, but they are his current prized possessions.) thank goodness the chunk already has an affinity for salty cracker goodness, or the clubhouse friends would have been out tonight as well.

the husband is away watching the phillies lose to the mets right now and i have the pleasure of spending all day in the madness that is two children. when my sister called tonight i relished every second of speaking to someone that doesn't spit, say ba-ba, or speak in tongues every five seconds. it isn't that i want to complain, because i love being a stay at home mom, but woah - that's a lot of kid time, batman.

but i am here with my friends, wine and silence. i am watching the phillies game, listening to the effing wind blow in more cold to the region, and typing happily away on my laptop; it could be worse. to be absolutely fair to the kids; i love the husband, but it is kind of nice to have some kerry time tonight, too. i very much enjoy my moments of silence, and when the become scarce (like lately), i seem to drink them in as if it has been years since i have had the quench of nothing.

i have been thinking about my birthdays leading up until the big three-oh, and the one that always comes to my mind is my 21st. my sister and i at wasatch pub in park city; i ordered a beer and the waiter didn't even check my i.d., we wound up at port o' call drinking i.r.a. car bombs that same night. we ended the festivities with family in las vegas listening to a crazy limo driver tell us inappropriate jokes, watching the amazing johnathan at the golden nugget, and me getting so drunk at the night club that i could only remember to take out my contacts after a cab ride i don't remember. oh to be young, dumb, and partying with the coolest woman i know. i am looking forward to this birthday. dinner with my amazing husband in one of my favorite towns, and then spending time with that same coolest woman and her equally awesome husband. i love that i have gotten to that moment in life where it isn't how drunk i get, but the quality of people that i get to celebrate life with.

in keeping with randomly mentioning the theme of april's nablopomo, i have to mention that family has been my greatest source of sprouting, and most likely until the end of time. family has been a center in my life, and those who know me best know that without a doubt (okay, but maybe with a bit of a laugh) and i hope to share that with my children. i hope that my children always grow up knowing how much family means and that no matter what, they are always there. we all sprout as family, and though we may always be at different places in the growing process, all we can hope is that the youngest ones catch up in the end. i know i am glad i have.



i am so tired. i am so tired that there are moments of saturday afternoon that i do not remember. i am so tired that last night i thought i was going crazy, but really wasn't, but still had my husband taste test rancid meat. something that he did not appreciate. i am so tired that when i woke up this morning i felt like i could have fallen asleep standing for the first two hours of my day. i am so tired that i can't even focus any longer.

ge was never like this. he was never a robot baby that could go without sleep. he was like me - later to bed and sleep in for a bit in the morning. he didn't stay awake for days on end. he didn't nap for 15 minutes in the day and then demand to play. he was a lot less evil. a lot.

i am hoping to sleep tonight. i am crossing my fingers that evil robot puppy baby gives me at least 5 hours of sleep. i am crossing my fingers that i don't hear the sound of her lifting her legs up in the air and slamming them down on the mattress. that noise signals trouble. that noise signals that i am not going to sleep, again.

the beginning of this month is not starting out how i had wished, but i remain hopeful. the husband brought me home a universal charger for my laptop today and i am happy to have it back; even if i am having a hard time remembering how to use it. it was beautiful outside today and i left the door open while ge ran in and out in between playing with his bubbles on the patio. i am off to bath chunk and put her to bed so i can put myself to bed. i am so ready to welcome my covers.


easy like sunday evening

this might make me a horrible mother, but i am excited for when the kids go to bed tonight. it's not that i don't love them, or think that they are hilarious and wonderful, but they are loud. and the youngest one thinks that sleep isn't necessary. and the 3 year old has taken to either asking questions or making random noises in a very loud manner. they have given us a run for our money today and i think that both the husband and i are looking forward to ending our weekend by sitting in a quiet room saying nothing unless necessary.

this weekend has been a wonderful one. the temperature actually rose above 40 today and ge and his daddy went and played at the park while chunk and i had the most peaceful grocery shopping trip ever. my windows were open and fresh air poured in, making me spring happy. sushi last night was delicious and morning glory was a surprisingly delightful movie. the only issues i take with weekends is the quickness with which they fly by. time just keeps flying by and i want to snatch it up and slow it down for a while.

up tonight is a bit of vodka suace over penne, some fresh garlic bread, and strawberry shortcake(ish) for dessert. i am looking forward to enjoying the last minutes with my husband before he disappears into his work week. luckily his last month was a good one and he is heading in tomorrow with less stress than usual. i am also looking forward to getting out and taking the kids for a walk in what the weatherman claims will be a 70 degrees monday.

we were joking today that if we didn't have the kids we would be off exploring philadelphia, spending too much money on fancy wine and fancy dinners. we talked about all the toys we could have and all the exciting things we could do, but at the end of it all we decided that we would just want to get pregnant anyway. i have had so many years where i have wanted to be something, hell, anything other than myself. i was jealous of what other people looked like, what they had, where they went, and who they knew. but now, for the first time in my life, i wouldn't change a thing. if i was anyone else i wouldn't be the mother to 2 beautiful children or a wife to the most amazing man i have ever known. it has taken me (almost) 30 years to get here, but i am ... here. i have arrived. and just in time. i told the husband i wanted ice cream cake for my birthday ... at least i get an excuse to indulge.

and before i end this, as i sit watching the husband hold chunk she is literally trying to chew a table. a table. she gets angry when he pulls her away from the table. i thought i gave birth to a real live baby girl, but it turns out she is a puppy. a puppy that never sleeps.


secret sushi saturday

The husband and I went to The Wegman's today and purchased a bunch of fresh sushi rolls and a 6 pack of Sapporo. Tonight when the kids finally go down to bed I am going to pull myself up a place on our carpet kitchen table and dig in to rice and raw fish dipped into insanely large amounts of ginger and wasabi in a bit of soy sauce. I want my sauce to be so spicy that I make a face. I am so excited.

I haven't had sushi in over a year and a half and I am going to love my sushi as much as legally possible. If I marry sushi am I a polygamist? I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I plan to do this all after the kids go to bed because ge likes to play this game when I eat where he asks me over and over what I am eating just so he can tell me that he hates it. Not my most favorite game. And I love him, but I love sushi, and I just want to enjoy my moment of lust fulfillment.

The husband and I watched The Fighter last night - a movie that I enjoyed and highly recommend. We stayed up past our.bedtime and debated religious freedoms and enjoyed a moment of silence. I knew that 2 children would be crazy, but I never expected to learn to love the silent moments so much. And, in keeping with one of my goals, I cross stitched. I cross stitched the shit out of a sail boat and it looks good. I am proud.

I miss my computer. I apologize for the grammatical atrocities in this post, but I will redeem myself soon. Hopefully Monday.


no green light

Today marks the beginning of my 30 blogs for 30 years. I was going to type out something with a bit more substance, but my computer charger decided to be less like a charger and more like a worthless piece of black plastic. And as much as I love typing lengthy blogs on my HTC incredible, I don't. Or, as my 3 year old says, "i just dont"

So instead I am going to type this. And after I am done I am going to finish off the chicken wings I am currently baking and follow their spicy goodness up with a beer. I love me some Friday.

I would like to personally tell Dell that I have similar feelings towards them at this moment that I had towards my 3rd grade classmate that hit me with his cowboy boot. He was an ass, just in case you are curious.