cha cha chunkers

the husband and i have been incredibly busy not having sick kids lately, which is super amounts of awesome and win. i can admit that i think both of us had had it up to everywhere over the last few months, but finally getting a break has been nice. i am especially happy that we are getting a break leading up to our anniversary because i love me some romantical shit. this year i want to have a glass of wine, watch tv, and go the fuck to bed. romantic? yes, in my book.

i keep meaning to write a chunk update, but then i a fall asleep. or a show i want to watch comes on. or i pretend to be in a coma just so i trick myself into thinking that i had five minutes of calm. it's amazing i can even dress myself anymore. i love chunk, but she is a lot like having a warden. a warden that brings you presents and blows you kisses.

the warden is currently obsessed with bringing me gifts. when i am showering she will bring me toys and lay them in front of the shower door. a few days ago she took out all the puzzle boards and spread them across the bathroom - when i tried to get out of the shower she screamed at me and tried to close the door to keep me trapped in. she likes to bring me presents while i am doing the dishes and she insists that i keep them directly underneath my feet to avoid a complete meltdown. her favorite place to bring gifts me is while i am sitting on the couch, but when i am on the couch the rules change and i am forced to hold everything she wants me to have or she throws herself on the ground and screams for thirty minutes. this morning she started screaming, "hold it!" in the middle of her tears because i didn't want to hold the book that she didn't want to read anymore.

lately chunk has taken to having meltdowns because we won't allow her to take her lovies into the bath with her. chunk has mitti, monkey, and mouse and she loves them with all of her heart. she also really loves her bath time. a + b = why the hell not bring them in with me to enjoy the happiness? the other night i literally had to spend 15 minutes trying to convince her to breathe after i told her monkey would not be joining us in the bath that night. as much as i love her cuddling a soaking wet stuffie to sleep, i don't.

she is hilarious, and is loving laughing and play time. she loves to play the new games her big brother dreams up and for all of her craziness, she really is so incredibly sweet and cuddly. i always look forward to the half hour after her nap because i know she is just going to want to sit on my lap and cuddle until i have to get things done. she loves her goodnight kisses, her stuffies, her books, her daddy, her brother, and i am pretty sure she loves me as long as i don't say no.

she makes me so incredibly happy and i love the light she brings into all of our lives. as she is getting older she is starting to love helping around the house and she is talking at a level i didn't even know was possible for her age. she is an absolute blast to be around and to say that there is never a dull moment is an understatement. my mom always says, "no doubt about it, she is a challenging baby" and she is, but that also has a lot of upsides because her dynamic personality can make the good times the greatest times. i will think that i have had enough after an hour of her screaming at me for no reason, but all of a sudden she will light up, start laughing, and run into my arms happily. that's charli - and i wouldn't change any of it.


New day, new ideas.

"mom cats are just stupid and scary. And when you aren't looking behind you they pop up and then they thppppt all scary and cat. Cats like to pop up and surprise you and your head and then there is milk on your head. And they poop in boxes, mom. In boxes is where they poop."

Guess he is a dog person. ;)



Well then.

"this is NOT a drawing. It is a balloon with a smiley face on it and it is not real."


Gage man has it in his head that things are only real if they can move. Convincing him otherwise is impossible. This blog? Not real. My bed? Not real. Cartoon characters? Real. You know what else "fart on your face for real!!!!!" Kids are weird.



Dear Gage,

For your birthday this year your Nana and Papa got you a sweet new LeapPad that you adored from the word go. You are such a technologically driven child and we were hopeful that this new system would pull you away from the Angry Birds and maybe give you a bit more of the educational play instead of the killing the pigs play. Your LeapPad has a game called Pet Pals 2 that allows you to adopt a virtual dog and care for it. You love this because you love taking care of puppies (just ask Aunt Brook’s dogs who love it when you come over to care for them!) When you started the game you chose a cute little Husky Pup that you named “Cuddly Pup”. When the game told you that you could choose a new dog to care for after a few days of play you were completely offended – how dare the game suggest you abandon your sweet Cuddly Pup for a new dog!? Bastards.

And that is you. You are the most loyal person I have ever met and you are only 4 years old. You’re incredibly loving and would never throw anyone under the bus or abandon them for any new someone or something. You have your circle of people and animals that you love and they are always your best. You are consistent, reliable, and far beyond your years with your attitude and intelligence. We get so many compliments from strangers about your manners and self control when we are out and I always have to tell them that it is not me; you are just that great of a kid. I am so proud of your demeanor and your loving nature.

We have had a hell of a year and have enjoyed so many travels, visits, and adventures. We had a pass to our local zoo (Elmwood Park Zoo) and enjoyed almost weekly visits during the warmer weather (and some of the cold weather, too!) to see the animals and play at the park. You love checking in on each animal and reciting facts that you have learned about them. You love feeding the goats and ducks, and as long as there aren’t too many crazy kids on the playground you love playing there. We took many a trip to our local farm (MerryMead) to visit with the animals and eat some of the best ice cream that exists on this planet. Our normal routine is to go visit the animals, head in and eat our ice cream, and one more round trip of visiting our animal friends before we are allowed to leave. If you aren’t thinking about being a veterinarian yet, maybe you should, you have a kinship with animals rarely matched by other people. Again, you’re just that good.

This year we made countless trips down to visit Aunt Brook, Uncle Tom, and Dominic. You love visiting their house because it is magic. Seriously, everything at their house is like magic to you and I love the way you light up as soon as we are there. It helps that Aunt Brook is one of your most favorite people in the world, and that no dog holds a bigger place in your heart than Martini. The two of you love to cuddle up on the couch and watch your cartoons and both of you always look right where you want to be in those moments; it’s so incredibly sweet. When we watch the puppies at their house while they are out you insist on being the one that feeds them and lets them out and are very responsible about it. I promise that as soon as I can I will get you a puppy, but Aunt Brook’s sub in happily when we are missing puppies in our lives.
You also visited California for the first time this year to spend Thanksgiving with Nana, Papa, and Uncle Jess. I don’t have to say that you had a good time, because you love your Nana and Papa so much and they are always a good time. You stepped foot onto a sailboat for the first time (Papa’s boat, Jessica) and finally had a positive reaction to ocean waters as you played on the beach in Monterey Bay. Nana and Papa were also able to visit us a few times this year and we enjoyed their company so much while we had them. Having family so spread out is hard sometimes, but we all manage to make it work because family is incredibly important to us, but you know that, because you feel it to your sweet little core.

You took a while to find your voice, but this year you have found the words you were always looking for and your vocabulary has taken off. I love our little conversations and all of the rules you place on us during our daily lives. You love to turn everything into a game, and you love manipulating those rules to make sure that you win every single game. You are a brilliant little guy and you love to learn about everything around you. Educating you is impossibly easy because you soak up information like a sponge and you have a very photographic memory that keeps everything in order for you to recall things at a later date. You remember things that happened at the age of two and I love watching you recount the stories because I can watch you visualize everything in your head as you go as if you were reading a story in front of you. I hope you always embrace your intelligence and let it guide you to amazing places in life.

We had the opportunity to watch you blossom as a big brother this year and even typing this makes tears well up in my eyes because of the pride I have for who you are and how you treat your little sister. Charli wants to be just like you in every single way and will often irritate you because she just won’t get out of your business. Every single thing you do, she does, and everything you love, she loves. You treat her so well, giving her hugs and kisses each night before she goes to bed, and giving her reasons to laugh all day long. The two of you fill my heart to the brim with happiness and I love that you love being a big brother. She has really helped to bring that shy little guy out of you and I am happy to report that finally, and with no encouragement from us, you started to interact with other little kids towards the end of this year. I hope you keep finding the courage to laugh and play, because watching you just be  you is one of the greatest joys of my life.

I have such a hard time writing these letters to you because there isn’t enough space in the world to put down how I feel about you. When I gave birth to you I was forever changed and I had no idea then that you would be who you are and continue to change me every single day. You aren’t like other kids. Hell, you aren’t like other grownups. Your light shines beautifully and bright. You have such a peaceful and calm soul and you act much older than you really are. You may be a quiet child, but your thoughts are loud and have such a big personality on their own. I hope that you can always find a way to speak loudly; no matter if you do it by words or by action, but I have no doubt that you will do great things in life.

Mostly I just want to thank you for being the you that you are. I am beyond proud of my 4 year old little man and I love you more than I ever thought I could love something in my life. You are such a joy to be around; being your mother is a blessing and getting the opportunity to spend every day with you makes me happy beyond measure. I hope I can always guide you to be the best possible version of yourself that you can be, but seeing who you are now I don’t know how much guidance you will really need. You’re such an incredible little boy. Thank you for letting me be there to watch you grow and learn, you make me proud of you every single day.

I love you,



speak up, i can't hear your babble

one of my new favorite things that charli is doing is using baby sentences to tell us things. she will run into a room, point, and say something like "ugh huraah hur ha be tado meow" with firm authority. she really feels confidant when she leaves the room that her instructions have gotten through to us and that we are now ready to follow through with those plans.

one of my least favorite things that charli is now doing is collapsing into a heap on the floor and screaming for at least five minutes because we can't understand her booga booga language and have absolutely no idea what we are supposed to be doing.

kids can be such a joy.


i don't have to wonder

the chunk is being the absolutely awful. my last 3 days have consisted of her either yelling at me, or flipping the other coin and being a complete maniac. yesterday she started laughing at herself and the things she was doing - something she had never done before. i know from raising ge man that she is probably in the middle of a massive wonder week (month? life?) either that or my mom said she is about to start her period. i think it's safe to assume that one of those is plausible. or not. whatever.

i am hoping that chunk comes out of this wonder week with some pretty cool new abilities. maybe she will be able to do fractions, or bake me a pie, or maybe she just won't feel like screaming at me for absolutely no reason. mostly i am just hoping that tomorrow will be easier because it is house cleaning day. usually she decides to be at her absolute worst on house cleaning day, which would mean that house cleaning day might become mommy checks into a mental clinic day. or daddy brings mommy home a bottle of wine day. or fuck it, who cares about this stupid house and all of its toys let's go eat a cheeseburger day.

ge man's 4th birthday was absolutely fantastic. we weren't able to go to please touch because gage and i both had severe gastrointestinal flu, but we were able to spend the weekend together and that is always a good thing. ge and i went to the pottery studio on saturday and he painted an angry birds piggy bank, afterwords i spoiled him a bit at toys r us, and we both talked about how awesome it was to get to spend a mommy and ge day. i need to write his 4 year letter, but it's hard because the little man just means so damn much to me. his birth changed me forever and i love him so much for that, and for so many other reasons.

on his actual bday he woke up to happy birthday signs, balloons (his favorite), and a bunch of gifts to open and enjoy. we had been telling him for a month that nana had sent him an awesome bday present so when he opened up her other present first, some really cute super hero underwear, he burst out with, "UnderWear!? UGH. That's IT!?!?" i love the honesty of kids. fabulous. he loved his leappad (the big gift), his new squishy football (thanks brook and tom!), super hero movie and book, art stuff, leappad games, and catwoman (for his bat cave and joker house). we had a super hero day complete with batman cake and playtime in our capes and with batman. he really seemed to have had a great day, even if he was still under the weather a bit. he is a champ. and i am so proud to have a little 4 year old man.

we are still waiting to hear a move date for virginia, but i am so ready to go. my apartment walls feel like they are closing in on me with the prospect of 3 (3!) whole bedrooms. plus, a kitchen table! my living room and dining room won't be toy boxes anymore and i cannot wait. plus, virginia sounds good. my mom says the most important part is the ham, and i like ham, so i must like virginia. i especially like ham when you saute up some onions in butter and red pepper, brown the ham in the mixture, add in eggs, and top it with cheese. if virginia is like that, especially if virginia is sour cream and hot sauce on top of that, then i will love it.


the day after

"hey mister 4 year old, i am super glad you weren't sick again last night."

"shit yeah, mom. throwing up sucks."



eff you see kay

january got one final jab in last night when gage woke up at 10:30 puking his guts out. fuck you too, january.

i blame this all on target because i am pretty sure that is where he picked up the croup and the flu that became the bane of my existence in january 2012. it should be illegal to be the kind of asshole that takes their sick kids out of the house to infect everyone else. yes, having sick kids is an inconvenience, but getting other people's kids sick makes you an inconsiderate prick. people should care a lot more about being a prick than they do.

in the last few days chunk has really started to string words together in sentences. this morning she woke up as her alter ego - a kickboxing instructor - and ran around the house going "punch punch kick" and following it up with the appropriate actions. this was surprising to me mostly because gage was in bed so this must have been something she dreamed of last night. dream big, baby - you're can be a kick ass fitness instructor if you really want to. or, you know, just as a hobby.