unanswered prayers

chunk is currently in front of me practicing throwing tantrums. not just any type of tantrum, either - the kind where she throws her body onto the ground and screams. these are the times where i find being an atheist completely inconvenient because i have no one to pray to.

this week has been one of those weeks where both of my kids have challenged me in ways they never have before. we have had a busy few months and it seems that all of the chaos has finally caught up with them and rendered them both emotionally unstable. it also seems that i am the person they most want to take out their frustrations on be them good or bad. chunk thinks that i am the only person in the world who can take care of her problems and will come screaming to me after the slightest injustice happens in her tiny toddler world. this morning she couldn't lift the new batcave her brother got for christmas - the meltdown took 15 minutes to get through and included her literally throwing a book at me. i was never able to understand that some kids could just be inherently evil - bitter pill and all that jazz. sheesh.

the kids, the husband, and i cleaned up for christmas. the husband got me the gift of crafting and i gave him the gift of jiu jitsu. the kids loot included a ginormous play tent, stuffed animals, books, a play kitchen, the batcave complete with a ton of accessories, candy, a learning clock, puzzles, a leap frog laptop, and minnie mouse. they have done a surprisingly good job sharing everything they received, and aside from the damn elephant we have had no fights. the damn elephant came from aunt brook (at my request, so she is totally not on the hook for it.) the damn elephant is an adorable plush that has a wireless remote with a little button. the damn elephant makes his elephant noise when you push the button. you play hide and seek with the damn elephant and fun is supposed to ensue. if you live in my house, though, you have a crazy toddler that pushes the button over and freaking over again while you try to beat her into a room to hide the damn elephant and a (almost) 4 year old who sits in a corner crying because he wants to push the button. do you try to explain that the fun of the damn elephant is the actual finding part not the pushing the button part? you do. but they don't listen. and so you put the damn elephant in the closet and close the door because this is no fun anymore. damn elephant ain't no fun.

i think i just blacked out there.

we are hoping to make the elephant fun again in 2012.

we here at this house that we live in have been blessed with an amazing year. have we had our ups and downs? of course. the husband and i talked last night about how blessed we are that he has a job that can support me staying home to try and help our children not become future convicts, and that we have cool things like running water and electricity. we really don't have any right to complain about anything in our lives. in fact, i don't have many complaints outside of some incredibly annoying and selfish family members. really, though, the gift of living so far away from people is a beautiful one. so yes, good year and all that. plus, in 2012 i get to meet my niece, and i really couldn't put into words how happy that makes all of us here in this house.

i am not one to make goals for myself. so i won't.

i have a lot of hopes for 2012 and i am going to write those down for myself just as we did last year after i burn all of the things i want to let go from 2011. my biggest burn item is letting people get under my skin. i want to learn how to not give a shit in 2012. here's to hoping.

for now i have a toddler screaming, "here! book!" at me. that's a pretty clear message and since i am terrified of her i am going to meet her demands.

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