food!

This weekend I decided to have an indoor picnick. Well, actually, I decided to make potato salad and (baked) fried chicken and pretend like it wasn’t completely bad for me. Somehow rationalizing that meal with the thought of a checkered table cloth made enjoyment possible. That and I have already blown my diet up completely the last few weeks because of reasons that would make most men go all “ewww gross, don’t talk about that very natural thing that happens with women because we are children.” Yeah, who would have known that after I stopped breastfeeding (we made it 9 months, WOOT!) my body would decide that I needed 2 months worth of a reminder of what I had missed during my pregnancy and my awesome food making body time. To say I am angry and over it is an understatement. 

But I digress. 

Potato Salad is delicious. I love mayo, I love potatoes, I love onions and eggs and indulging. I adapted my own take on a very good recipe by Ina Garten.

3 ish lbs red potatoes
1 cup mayonnaise
1/4 cup buttermilk
2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

2 tablespoons whole-grain mustard
1/2 cup chopped fresh dill
Salt and Peppah
1/2 cup chopped celery
3/4 cup chopped red onion
6 Hard boiled eggs

Place the potatoes along with some salt in a large pot of water. I like to add a bit (like a tbs or 2) of apple cider vinegar because I am convinced it makes them mo bettah. Boil the potatoes until you are happy with them (I personally like mine a little mooshy, but you might not). This should all take about 15 – 20 minutes. Pierce them with a fork to check for doneness.

Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk together the mayonnaise, buttermilk, Dijon mustard, whole grain mustard, dill, 1 teaspoon of salt, and 1 teaspoon of peppah. Set aside.

When the potatoes are cool enough to handle, cut them into a size that fits your potato salad needs. Place the cut potatoes in a large bowl. While the potatoes are still warm, pour enough dressing over them to moisten. Add the celery and red onion, and chopped up eggs. Salt and Peppah to taste. Toss well, cover, and refrigerate for a few hours to allow the flavors to blend. Serve cold or at room temperature.

I served this delicious potato salad with The Neely’s Buttermilk Baked Chicken. The only changes I made to the chicken recipe were that I used bone-in split breasts (they were huge, juicy, and delicious! I am not much of a chicken pieces kind of person and I hate dark meat), I soaked them in a buttermilk mixture for 24 hours, and I added some extra spices to the cornflake / cheese mixture. This chicken turned out so dang delicious. I had never soaked chicken in buttermilk before and now I will do it as often as possible. The husband liked this chicken more than he likes my roasted chicken, which is a lot. Like, a whole lot. Faboosh.

today was the day

every once in a while one of those days comes along that redefines perfection - today was that day for my little family. the last 3 + weeks we have been in a funk. my cooking has suffered, husband's work has suffered, the kids have been miserable in the heat; it just hasn't be noteworthy in so long that i think we started to give up. and today, today we didn't even try to turn it around, but it naturally fell into place and today i am so grateful, because i needed that ... we needed that.

the kids loved the phillies game. when we first got there it started to rain, heavy rain, but the clouds parted and our seats stayed dry. ge was worried at first, but he quickly warmed when the players and the sun came out. we got a game, a good game. we left during the top of the 7th after the score reached 4 - 1, phillies. a perfect time to leave because when we came home the kids were bathed and happily put to bed and the husband and i ordered ufc 131.  (phillies over cubs, 7 - 1 in the end.)

my husband and i, we work together for so many reasons. the most important, and cliche reason, is that we are best friends. we are, best friends. we share passions, and when we don't we remain involved no matter what. we share a love for ufc and it energizes us and brings us to a great place. tonight we were not going to order the fights, but we did, and we made the right decision. tonight has been nothing but conversation and smiles and my jaw bones are sore from the happiness that today has brought. this has been one of those days where i feel lucky, and these days are the moments i carry because i know we will always be back here no matter what.

this is the day i have needed for weeks. today makes all of the previous day's tears worth it. this life, this life is beautiful. i thank my husband and my kids. i thank my family. i thank the east coast. i thank my sister, my friends, my mother, and every good person i have had the opportunity to meet. i thank the bad times, because without them, i would have never known good. i am just thankful.

cheesy? yes. but i would write it again, and again.

i'm about to get list like up in here

first, with the teevee talk

• how awesome was house last night? i felt like the sick person story was a little draggy and ridiculous, but she paralleled house well and i absolutely love that actresses voice. i hope that it wasn't a hallucination, because that would be like the billionth time they have done that and i totally love the car into house scene. win. 
• i am still mourning the loss of how i met your mother for the season, but they went out with a good bang and i can spend my lame summer television months thinking that lily is happily pregnant. i told the husband as soon as it started that she was with alien life form. this season was a lot of sad so i was happy to see it end with so much happy. 
• i have never watched the biggest loser before, but i got hooked about half way through this season and i am loving it. i don't know what happens tonight, but i hope the best things happen to hannah. it really is amazing to watch  the transformations. 
• uhm, voice? yes? i love it and i got the husband hooked on it, too. i still think blake shelton is an absolute idiot for letting tyler robinson go, but i will move forward with the show trying to hold only a little grudge. the show really is the awesome and i am excited for it tonight. 
• and yes, glee. i love me some glee. i love me some over-the-top break outs into random song and ridiculous plot twists. you could judge me, but jesus said not to. so there. i am hoping they win nationals. i don't know if the writers will do that, but i would rather it not completely mimic the last season-ender. plus, if they lose nationals you know they will probably take it next year and the formula gets a bit boring. 
• how sucky is the end of good television!? i am super excited that we get so you think you can dance and next food network star soon. the closer is a huge summer time tee vee win for us, too. excuse me a minute while i go hug my television and tell it that i love it and i don't know how other people live without it. 

we had a really nice weekend with the paw-paw. there was mall time, park time, zoo time, play time, and a lot of food time. we had a bit of lemon with our scotch and water and we had a lot of good conversation. the weekend was so much fun that the husband and i actually felt like we got a bit of a vacation, too. i feel like such a parent because this weekend we bought our first season pass to a zoo, which is a big moment. turns out we have an adorable little zoo right by our house and ge really loved it. ge gets overwhelmed pretty easily and this is a perfect sized place for him to explore without getting stressed out. i look forward to getting to know the little animals at our zoo this summer. 

this weekend we get to see my sister and her family and they are going to take the little devils off of our hands for two hours so we can actually be grow-ups and go see the hangover two. i. are. excited!! i feel spoiled with all of this family time because my family is way cooler than yours. i mean, no offense, but i have to be biased. you would be biased, too.

laser envy

the kiddo's beloved paw-paw is in town and not only did he bring his love for entertaining our children, he brought a really cool blue laser with a super powerful beam. for his line of work he is the kind of person who needs super powerful laser beams, and as a proud relative i am the kind of person who just found out i love to play with super powerful laser beams. for instance: did you know that if you hold black paper up to said laser it will actually start on fire!? très bien!! also, playing with laser beams during the night time is a lot, and i mean a lot, of fun. i am probably not responsible enough to own one, nor could i legally buy one, but it was a lot of fun. 

last nights adventures in phosphor fun were a blast, and today brings more merriment as we head to the slides and later make some blue cheese burgers. i absolutely love the chance to spend time with family and watch the kids get some solid interaction with their grandfather. slides and books by day - science, mma, and politics by night. perfection!

my blood test results came back clean, which is good, but slightly annoying. i am almost positive i am going to have to move myself to a gluten free diet to see if that brings the feelings back into my hands. i miss having extremities that feel normal. right now i am either in excruciating pain, or numb. blah. perhaps i will make the month of july not only about our freedom, but my freedom from gluten. i am going to give the zoloft withdrawals the two more weeks necessary to finish off, too, before i make any major decisions. part of me was just really wishing the doctor would call back and give me a solid issue and solution. they never have before though, so i suppose i am not too surprised. 

off to play in the rain.

maybe not, may

i wanted to be a diligent blogger this month, but i am just not feeling the every day right now. weekends are hard for me because i don't really want to be on the internet. yesterday we had craft morning, visited the local farm, made jalapeno burgers, and watched the social network (an awful movie! how people liked it was beyond us!) and there wasn't a minute in there that i felt like stepping away from that goodness to type. i want to suck up every minute i have on the weekends with my family.

plus, with family coming into town this week, and more family visit time at the end of this month; it's just not going to happen. so maybe not, may. maybe august. or maybe never. i am loving blogging and i don't want to burn myself out by forcing myself to write something every day. and with that, no more words today, just a picture that makes me mass schmappy.

sadistic slumbers

* i feel like i have to preface this blog by saying that i do not choose to watch the kardashians. but yes, i am a person that will stop to watch a train wreck if one happens in front of me. if, for some reason (the soup!), our tv is tuned to E! and the kardashians are on i cannot look away. they are such interesting people to me because i truly cannot understand why people would actually want to watch them. and yet, they are my television show equivalent of a train wreck.

this morning the husband let me sleep in. (i actually slept until 9 am!) for me, most of my crazy dreams happen after the sun has risen and i continue peacefully in my slumber, burritoed in my soft comforter and squishy pillows. today the crazy dreams reached a monumental peak by way of the kardashians. i will tell the dream as i saw it - please try not to judge my insanity too harshly.

we begin at a dive bar. the best way to describe this bar is dusty; the colors were very sepia toned and the faces of the people around me took on a very softened look.  my husband and i were surrounded by some friends that are real in our life and some of, what i call, my dream friends (people that do not actually exist, but often pop up in my sleeping head.) we were deep in detective like conversation about the serial killings that were happening around us. the surroundings began to take shape as the conversation unfolded, sort of like they happen in a movie; where there is a description of events and places and the camera pans the location they are speaking about. the location was a large quarry with a giant mansion settled in to one of its ledges. the home was vibrant, but the surrounding were very gray and ominous looking. the dive bar happened to sit above the quarry and our homes were somewhere around, although never really shown in my dream. there was a television that was giving us the news of a serial killer in the area and the prime suspect was scott disick. anyone who has ever seen the kardashian shows would most likely agree that out of anyone on the E! network, scott would probably be the person voted most likely to be a creep ass killer. and yet, i was skeptical. we started to piece together the events and i started to argue with our group. is scott an ass? yes. but does being the world's most giant bag of douche make you a killer? not so much. i broke from the group and started a very video game like search for the killer. there were ledges to cross, clues that were grabbed by just the force of thought, and everything started to pull together. the video game like parts of my dream were vibrant, full of color and speed. the husband and i journeyed together and in picking up all the clues realized that it was actually rob kardashian that was the killer. and we brought it to everyone, who immediatly jumped to the defense of what they saw as such an innocent little guy, but the cops started to agree with me and finally i busted the case wide open. rob kardashian, serial killer. we found the clues all over the quarry and were congratulated for our hard work.

and then i woke up, because i could hear my little girl making noises from the other room and i knew that her dad did not have the same means to feed her that i did. and it took me a few minutes to realize what a crazy brain i live in. and i laughed. as much as i love my morning sleep in sessions, they send my dream brain to absolutely insane places. like i said, please do not judge me. you should hear about the crazy shit my mom dreams up!

lovely day in kerry land. we finally retrieved my summer wardrobe from storage and i found that last bit of motivation i need to lose the baby weight when absolutely nothing in my wardrobe fit me. i am going to dig down deep into my motivational bucket and pull that last bit out to help myself. i have been living in such a sad place for the last year and i am ready to help myself, finally. i need to do this because i want to feel better. the husband and ge went on a mother's day shopping trip and ge came home to tell me most of the presents that were bought and how excited he was to surprise me. chunk and i danced around the house a lot and i teared up several times thinking about how grateful i am to have the kids, the husband, and the family that i have.

i am looking forward to tomorrow because it is a day to reflect on my beautiful mother and the past that has brought me here today. it's like the facts of life always said : you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. until tomorrow, goodnight and good wine.

7 long days in withdrawal hell

last friday i decided to throw my zoloft away rather than take my dose of addiction for one more evening. the last 7 days have been nothing short of a trial and the ebb and flow of my body's withdrawal from that horrible medication has been difficult. today my lips are almost numb, with the occasional intense tingling feeling finding its way in there. my hands and feet are numb and tingling and my emotions are all over the board. i cried all morning when i saw kate's dress. i mean, it was really pretty, but i don't think that a sane kerry would have spent an hour crying because of the lacy beauty of the dress. last night the zaps were so horrible that it felt like i was going to have a heart attack. every 3rd beat of my heart was a bit off and i felt like i was being tenderly electrocuted. i hate all of these feelings. i hate the anxiety and the physical and emotional pain that this fracking drug withdrawal has given me.


on the plus side; my hair isn't falling out anymore, my sex drive is coming back, i don't feel like shooting myself in the head, and i am starting to find my old spark of me again. my husband told me last night that he was happy to have me back and that seems silly, but the last few months have just been so incredibly difficult and i had no idea that a drug that was supposed to "help me" was swallowing me whole.


i am looking forward to a weekend of 70 degree temperatures, 2 wonderful kids, and a marvelous husband to share those things with. i am thinking there will be a trip to our local dairy to find ice cream and something to cook whatever we decided we want for dinner. merrymead farm has the absolute best strawberry ice cream that i have ever consumed. and the cream i bought from there and used for a decadent thanksgiving tiramisu was amazing. perhaps a nice steak will do, we shall see. i can say, with 100 % certainty, that i will not be getting the scrapple. it concerns me that people actually eat that shit.


for those of you that haven't heard of scrapple before and do not understand why i cringe at the word, let me quote the informational gods of wikipedia to explain:


"Locally called "everything but the oink" or made with "everything but the squeal", scrapple is typically made of hog offal, such as the head, heart, liver, and other scraps, which are boiled with any bones attached (often the entire head), to make a broth. Once cooked, bones and fat are discarded, the meat is reserved, and (dry) cornmeal is boiled in the broth to make a mush. The meat, finely minced, is returned to the pot and seasonings, typically sage, thyme, savory, black pepper, and others, are added. The mush is formed into loaves and allowed to cool thoroughly until set. The proportions and seasoning are very much a matter of the region and the cook's taste.


yeah, that's disgusting.


on the up and up the kids are doing well this week. ge and i have had a few battles, but only because i have ramped up lessons on politeness and listening a bit. he is such a smart and sweet little boy and is adapting to the lessons well. he never ceases to surprise me with his kindness and intelligence. chunk has decided that sleeping isn't necessary again, but i am sure that is because she is getting ready to crawl. she is doing well with solids and i absolutely cannot believe that i have made it this far with breastfeeding her. i was hoping to make it to a month when i was pregnant with her and now it has just become second nature for both of us. we have such a strong bond and i thank my body for that. i hate to spend so many days complaining, but it has been nice to blog through this withdrawal and put it all down instead of bottling it up. hopefully this passes soon.

it's kind of ...

every night as i get ge ready for bed we discuss the events of the day, or the weekend, in order to remind him that even though he has to sleep now, we actually did have fun in the past. tonight we were talking about our awesome easter weekend and i asked him why he didn't want to say hi to elmo or the easter bunny while we were at the fire house on saturday and he replied, "well, because they were creepy."

i have a blog that includes pictures sitting up in my head that includes all of the fun details from our weekend, but instead of writing it now i am going to put it off until tomorrrow because - well, because relax. that's why. relax + beer + last moments with the husband before he is off to month end work week + relax = no lengthy blog tonight.

we had an amazing weekend and my idea worked out perfectly and right now there is a giant thunderstorm happening outside and even though my brain and my body are pretty effed up for currently undisclosed reasons i am going to end this run on sentence by saying that all of those good things in the before of this sentence are making all the bad things okay. well, as okay as the bad things can be. relax.

happy to be home

i want to write about my weekend. i want to say positive things about my sister, her husband, their child, and my many thankful thoughts towards them for watching our children. i want to tell you all that my sister somehow fixed all of ge's eating issues and tonight he decided that fish sticks were something he was going to eat, after falling in love with pesto pizza. i want to say that dinner was amazing, and that my husband and i are still reaping the benefits of a night to ourselves. i want to, but i am so relaxed. i had one of those weekends that makes me so grateful to be home because i feel like me again. i had one of those weekends that brings you peace in your heart and in your mind. i had one of those weekends that i will be grateful to all those involved for the remainder of my days.

and now, we relax.

learning as we go

ge is currently slouched over in his chair, becoming more and more of a pouty lump as the minutes tick by. occasionally he will spring from his chair and exclaim, "mom, it's one o'clock yet?". and i reply no, again, for the eleventy billionth time. lesson learned :

next time we are going to see aunt brook, do not tell the mini, until we are literally heading out the door, that we are going for a visit. he just gets so excited; he won't eat, he sleeps horribly, and he spend every waking moment asking when the hell we are going and thinking that his dad and i are completely incompetent and idiotic because why in the eff wouldn't we just leave now!? that little guy loves him some aunt brook. her house is a magical place full of puppies and happiness. why wouldn't he love it? we do, too.

(i failed to mention in my last post that the same pouty pants 3 year old also hilariously asks me, "mom, what's so funny about?" anytime i burst out laughing over something.)

of course the forecast for saturday is rain, rain, thunder, wind, and a bit more rain. so plans to wander the streets of annapolis are most certainly not a go, but delicious food and a bit of adult time with my husband is. i am getting really damb sick of all of this weather and i know that everyone else, from the west to the east is, too.

burning bush? i think not

this may very well be tmi, but i am dying over here from continuous hot flashes. i so enjoy nursing my little chunk, but my hormones are so out-of-whack that i often feel like stripping off my clothes and hiding out in the freezer. if i wear anything more than a t-shirt, no matter what the weather, i am so miserable that it is unbearable. people look at me like i am a crazy woman when i am walking around in flip flops and t-shirt in the freezing cold weather, but every time they glance at me with the crazy looks i just want to scream at them, "you do not understand me! leave me alone to deal with my fifty thousand degree body in peace!" men just do not understand how much we women go through to produce evil little offspring and keep them happy and healthy.

last night my husband informed me that he took my sister's advice and made reservations at the chart house in annapolis for us for my birthday. he managed to snag us reservations for a table overlooking the water at sunset. not only will this be our first real date (by real i mean one where i wasn't miserably pregnant and feeling awful) in over a year and almost a half. he informed me that we will not be looking at any prices on the menu and that my only thing i have to do that night is enjoy myself. i am so excited. i cannot think of a better way to celebrate my crazy 30 years of life than expensive food and over-priced wine. there will be indulgence and it will be delicious. i love me some romance and i love me some husband.

i am typing this blog in the middle of the day because chunk is actually napping, again (that's 2 days in a row!) and ge is happily consuming tater tots and ketchup for lunch. how i met your mother is playing in the background and i am actually calm for the first afternoon in a while. i am enjoying the rain outside and the cool weather. there is a giant chicken to be roasted with lemons and garlicks for dinner, and the husband is bringing home fresh bread and salted butter to enjoy without regret. there is so much of friday night to enjoy ahead of me and a weekend with my wonderful family. i love being on the eve of weekends; it always lifts my mood to a better place.

secret sushi saturday

The husband and I went to The Wegman's today and purchased a bunch of fresh sushi rolls and a 6 pack of Sapporo. Tonight when the kids finally go down to bed I am going to pull myself up a place on our carpet kitchen table and dig in to rice and raw fish dipped into insanely large amounts of ginger and wasabi in a bit of soy sauce. I want my sauce to be so spicy that I make a face. I am so excited.

I haven't had sushi in over a year and a half and I am going to love my sushi as much as legally possible. If I marry sushi am I a polygamist? I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I plan to do this all after the kids go to bed because ge likes to play this game when I eat where he asks me over and over what I am eating just so he can tell me that he hates it. Not my most favorite game. And I love him, but I love sushi, and I just want to enjoy my moment of lust fulfillment.

The husband and I watched The Fighter last night - a movie that I enjoyed and highly recommend. We stayed up past our.bedtime and debated religious freedoms and enjoyed a moment of silence. I knew that 2 children would be crazy, but I never expected to learn to love the silent moments so much. And, in keeping with one of my goals, I cross stitched. I cross stitched the shit out of a sail boat and it looks good. I am proud.

I miss my computer. I apologize for the grammatical atrocities in this post, but I will redeem myself soon. Hopefully Monday.