i would like to get back to blogging soon, mostly because i enjoy the creative output of writing.plus, i need a break from telling the kids to stop fucking with each other. if i have to stop one more argument over nothing i am going to start pulling my hair out.
our house has bee full of the plague for the last week - actually, since the beginning of 2013. so far this year i have suffered a miscarriage, the husband has suffered large amounts of stress at work, and the kids and i have been sick on and off every other week.
on the plus side ge man has been enjoying his gymnastics class, chunk has been a little more reasonable even though the has ramped up the drama, my husband has a job to support us, and i have a great amount of support and love surrounding me from family and friends.
the miscarriage was hard. we have been trying for over a year to get pregnant and were so excited to get the positive line 2 days before christmas. to be honest i felt something was amiss from the word go, but i wanted to believe that we would finally be getting the baby we have dreamed about so i pushed forward with hope. my pregnancy signals started and i thought this was going to be it, but at the six week mark i miscarried and was crushed. a lot of my girlfriends around me are either a.) newly pregnant b.) ready to give birth or c.) just gave birth this week and it has been an emotional struggle. i am super happy for everyone, but the quiet moments are hard and often full of tears. we are trying to be hopeful, but it's hard after the emotional struggle from the last year to keep my head up. i was amazed by the female support i have received through all of it, though, and am grateful to be surrounded by some amazing female friends.
chunk is doing really well and is talking up a storm. i tell everyone she lives life like she is writing a story and it is so true. there is always a scenario to play out, a mystery to solve, or a song to sing. she brings high energy and high drama to absolutely everything she does and is hard to keep up with some days. we are working on teaching her colors, but she simply cannot connect the words to the colors themselves. her recognition of animals is beyond anything i have ever seen, and she enjoys telling you what they say as loudly as she possibly can. she still loves reading books, is starting to enjoy crafting (although it never goes off without a lot of stress), and potty trained herself in two days (TWO DAYS!) her current favorite toys are her baby dolls and her doll house (filled with a variety of small plastic toys to create drama and happiness with). she prefers spicy food, loves her big brother more than life itself, and gives some damn fine hugs when she wants to be nice.
ge man has come light years from where he was when we first moved here. his playgroup has been super good for him and he has forged friendships that i didn't know he was capable of. our little ladies man has quite a few girls with crushes on him and he always enjoys making sure they are happy in the sweetest of ways. he is the most considerate little guy i have ever met and has a brain unlike any i have ever known. still a lover of all things rules, he is starting to be able to build a bit more structure for himself and is thriving under his new status as a 5 year old. he loves his legos, anything scientific, and creating art. his phineas and ferb birthday party was a huge success and i was amazed to see how many people showed up to celebrate him. i may or may not have cried many a time because i honestly don't know how he got this old so quickly. ge man is loving his gym class at the community center - so much so that i signed him up again through the spring. we also enrolled him in tball for the first time and i know the hubs is looking forward to taking him and watching his big guy do the sports thing. ge is insistent he will be an artist when he grows up, but is letting us push him a little in the activities direction. he is reading, wonderful at math, and loves to learn. he loves his little sister and tries not to be too annoyed that her favorite activity is pushing his buttons. i could write paragraphs on how far he has come, and how proud i am of him. he continues to amaze me daily.
we are grateful to be here, even on the hard days. the husband and i's anniversary is coming up soon and i am continuously grateful to be married to him and to have him in my corner. he works incredibly hard for this family and rarely complains. we are a lucky bunch.
Showing posts with label chunk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chunk. Show all posts
2.21.2013
9.12.2011
and then i fell asleep
i keep meaning to update my blog. there is so much to say about the little ones and i feel like i am going to forget all of these moments because there are just so many to remember. from ge saying things like the mini adult he is a chunk running around growling like a bear; there are just so many moments in our day i wish i could capture. but by the time i have a minute at the end of the day to sit down and update - i am completely asleep. gone to this world. last night i was asleep in bed by 8:45. i haven't seen 10:30 pm in weeks.
i love that chunk is walking by her first birthday because she is finally sleeping through the night, but i spend all day chasing her around the house screaming things like, "ahhh!" and "oh no!" and "please, for the love of mark wahlberg, don't do that!" because she is full of evil, that one. she has mastered the art of full body on the floor tantrums and will throw one if you don't allow her to take things out of the fridge when she sneaks in during food time. she also throws them when i don't let her eat paper, or crayons, or kittens. ok, maybe not kittens, but if we had one i would fear for its safety. she is so cute, and when she looks up at me with her big dimply smile and bright blue eyes i almost forget for a moment that she is trying to drive me mad. i often look at her and i pause for a moment just to take her in because she is the cutest thing i have ever laid eyes on - even if that means in those 2 seconds she has moved on to destroying my most prized possessions.
ge is 3 going on 40. we asked him to play trains the other day and he declined stating, "we will have to wait until charli goes down for a nap because she will wreck my trains and i will just freak out." true. oh. so. very. true. he is still, and always has been, the most responsible child in the world. he is the child that has every piece to every toy he has ever owned (which is a lot of toys) and is now becoming irritated by chunk's inability to maintain order and longevity in toys. he is so full of imagination and loves to tell stories. he can tell you the story of his day in roughly 5 minutes and will makes sure you understand every word of what he says. his favorite bed time book is cloudy with a chance of meatballs, and he insists you tell it in your normal voice and let him repeat his favorite moments. he loves to visit monuments around towns and have them explained to him so he can take them in for next time to be a mini tour guide of our beautiful area. we learned about canal locks yesterday and already this morning he has told me about water flow by our big river. he is a little sponge, soaking up moments and lessons and is able to release that information at all of the right times. i marvel at his intellect daily, and fear for the day when he is smarter than me. that could be any day now.
husband and i are doing well, aside from the exhaustion from that thing called life. work is going well for the husband and they ended their fiscal year in an exceptional place. he is so amazing at his job and i love watching him grow in that position. we had his mother in town for a few days which was a learning experience. ge enjoyed getting to know her, but chunk was weary of her which is strange for our little girl. we attribute it to her age, but it was quite funny watching her size her grandma up constantly. we visited landmarks and ate ice cream and had a lovely visit. husband and i are both looking forward to more people being in town this coming weekend to celebrate chunk's first birthday and also her cousin's birthday (they fall on the same day - celebration time!) we have many things to celebrate aside from birthdays now, too, which makes this coming weekend all the more exciting.
things are going well. i never though i could be that person that is asleep by 9 and up at 6:30 am with coffee in hand, but here i am. i cannot believe how quickly the last year has gone and how much all of us in this house have changed, but i have never learned more in a years time and i have never had such a full heart.
i love that chunk is walking by her first birthday because she is finally sleeping through the night, but i spend all day chasing her around the house screaming things like, "ahhh!" and "oh no!" and "please, for the love of mark wahlberg, don't do that!" because she is full of evil, that one. she has mastered the art of full body on the floor tantrums and will throw one if you don't allow her to take things out of the fridge when she sneaks in during food time. she also throws them when i don't let her eat paper, or crayons, or kittens. ok, maybe not kittens, but if we had one i would fear for its safety. she is so cute, and when she looks up at me with her big dimply smile and bright blue eyes i almost forget for a moment that she is trying to drive me mad. i often look at her and i pause for a moment just to take her in because she is the cutest thing i have ever laid eyes on - even if that means in those 2 seconds she has moved on to destroying my most prized possessions.
ge is 3 going on 40. we asked him to play trains the other day and he declined stating, "we will have to wait until charli goes down for a nap because she will wreck my trains and i will just freak out." true. oh. so. very. true. he is still, and always has been, the most responsible child in the world. he is the child that has every piece to every toy he has ever owned (which is a lot of toys) and is now becoming irritated by chunk's inability to maintain order and longevity in toys. he is so full of imagination and loves to tell stories. he can tell you the story of his day in roughly 5 minutes and will makes sure you understand every word of what he says. his favorite bed time book is cloudy with a chance of meatballs, and he insists you tell it in your normal voice and let him repeat his favorite moments. he loves to visit monuments around towns and have them explained to him so he can take them in for next time to be a mini tour guide of our beautiful area. we learned about canal locks yesterday and already this morning he has told me about water flow by our big river. he is a little sponge, soaking up moments and lessons and is able to release that information at all of the right times. i marvel at his intellect daily, and fear for the day when he is smarter than me. that could be any day now.
husband and i are doing well, aside from the exhaustion from that thing called life. work is going well for the husband and they ended their fiscal year in an exceptional place. he is so amazing at his job and i love watching him grow in that position. we had his mother in town for a few days which was a learning experience. ge enjoyed getting to know her, but chunk was weary of her which is strange for our little girl. we attribute it to her age, but it was quite funny watching her size her grandma up constantly. we visited landmarks and ate ice cream and had a lovely visit. husband and i are both looking forward to more people being in town this coming weekend to celebrate chunk's first birthday and also her cousin's birthday (they fall on the same day - celebration time!) we have many things to celebrate aside from birthdays now, too, which makes this coming weekend all the more exciting.
things are going well. i never though i could be that person that is asleep by 9 and up at 6:30 am with coffee in hand, but here i am. i cannot believe how quickly the last year has gone and how much all of us in this house have changed, but i have never learned more in a years time and i have never had such a full heart.
8.23.2011
ruff
let me just start off by saying - these last 10 pounds are totally kicking my ass. losing these last 10 pounds is made more difficult because my children do not like to eat things that are only vegetables. ge likes things like chips and chunk's favorite food is mac and cheese, and my will and power are weak. i am a weak, weak person. plus, i am a person that indulges during stressful times and having 2 children with strong personalities makes things stressful at times. hence, a potato chip here and there more often than not. damn. 10 pounds.
chunky is officially pretty much walking and loving every step. her sleep patterns are a lot like one of those posters where you have to focus your eyes to see the picture - i think they call them optical illusions. she is still stubborn, still loud, and finds hitting people with objects across the face to be a hilarious daytime activity. my favorite thing she does is crawl over to me, stand up, crawl into my lap, and bury her head into my chest. buried deep within her chaos is sweetness. sort of like a cupcake that will burn your mouth when you eat it. a hot, delicious cupcake.
ge is brilliant, controlling, and full of crazy imagination play ideas that are a lot of fun and occasionally confusing. he and his dad play carnival a lot where his dad makes up these crazy "games" that he wins for prizes (random toys from his room), and he often will walk up to me during the afternoon and say, "mom, let's play that game where we stand and then there is a ball and things happen and yay! prizes." so i try to recreate, but mostly i just fail, and he ends the games with, "you're just not good at this like dad." but i am better than him at mario. and cooking. and i am always right - so there. i am pretty sure the little man is finally going through a growth spurt because all he wants to do right now is consume and that is so not like him. who knows - maybe one day he will actually grow into new clothes. for now we are celebrating the cost cut that comes with him being in 3t clothes for another winter. yay for clothes recycle!
we have a busy september coming up and i am filled with the need to clean. my mother-in-law is coming into town over labor day to meet her grand-daughter for the first time and explore philly for the first time. the other grand parents are coming in for chunk's first birthday and we are having a big ass celebration of family goodness proportions. chunk and her cousin share their birth-day and we are going to eat extra cake and food to celebrate. like i said, damn you 10 pounds!
chunky is officially pretty much walking and loving every step. her sleep patterns are a lot like one of those posters where you have to focus your eyes to see the picture - i think they call them optical illusions. she is still stubborn, still loud, and finds hitting people with objects across the face to be a hilarious daytime activity. my favorite thing she does is crawl over to me, stand up, crawl into my lap, and bury her head into my chest. buried deep within her chaos is sweetness. sort of like a cupcake that will burn your mouth when you eat it. a hot, delicious cupcake.
ge is brilliant, controlling, and full of crazy imagination play ideas that are a lot of fun and occasionally confusing. he and his dad play carnival a lot where his dad makes up these crazy "games" that he wins for prizes (random toys from his room), and he often will walk up to me during the afternoon and say, "mom, let's play that game where we stand and then there is a ball and things happen and yay! prizes." so i try to recreate, but mostly i just fail, and he ends the games with, "you're just not good at this like dad." but i am better than him at mario. and cooking. and i am always right - so there. i am pretty sure the little man is finally going through a growth spurt because all he wants to do right now is consume and that is so not like him. who knows - maybe one day he will actually grow into new clothes. for now we are celebrating the cost cut that comes with him being in 3t clothes for another winter. yay for clothes recycle!
we have a busy september coming up and i am filled with the need to clean. my mother-in-law is coming into town over labor day to meet her grand-daughter for the first time and explore philly for the first time. the other grand parents are coming in for chunk's first birthday and we are having a big ass celebration of family goodness proportions. chunk and her cousin share their birth-day and we are going to eat extra cake and food to celebrate. like i said, damn you 10 pounds!
8.05.2011
demands
chunk said her first word round 4:30 am this morning. what was most impressive about chunk's first word was that it was so well crafted that it seemed like her first sentence. she had woken up for her normal early morning hour bottle, one that i usually take her into the kitchen to make, but since her dad was also awake i left her in bed with him so i could navigate the darkness and make the morning bottle with two hands. sweet convenience. i made it roughly three steps out of our bedroom door when, much to my surprise, chunk screamed "MAMA!" and the way she screamed it you could almost see the full sentence of feelings hanging in the air - "you get your bitch ass back here and take me with you or i will make you pay, mama." and i did. because i am terrified of her.
the miniature dictator can pack quite a punch in that little voice of hers. she likes to complain, a lot, and knows how to work a tantrum the second she doesn't get exactly what she wants. she has beautiful dimples that shine through so cutely when she is happy. she loves to shake her head back and forth for comedic effect. she loves to clap her hands and celebrate little moments - especially the ones where she pulls off something evil, like stealing her brother's favorite toys away from him. she is starting to laugh more, still wants to snuggle constantly, and maintains a solid routine that will create a world of chaos if disrupted. she is a challenging baby, but she is so worth every second of it.
this has been a long month + for us. work hasn't especially been kind to the husband and the heat hasn't been kind to the kids and i. it feels like we have been in one giant transition month with the kids learning this or that about themselves and how to manipulate those around them. chunk and ge are very different children and that can, at times, come with a bit of a challenge. ge likes order and structure and chunk likes to destroy those things. ge has to give a lot during the day, so during chunk's naps i set aside special time for us to play trains, read a book, paint, etc. so he gets some time in with me that doesn't involve a giant 10 month old baby smashing and eating everything in sight. we are trying to find a balance, but sometimes that takes time. i guess. i mean, that's what i am hoping.
ge is finally eating. he is still a vegetarian, save for chicken nuggets, but he is actually eating three meals a day and asking for food. he has been such a shitty eater his entire life so it is nice to hear the words, "mom, i am hungry." he can count to 15, knows all of his uppercase letters, is working on his lowercase, knows all of his colors and the basic shapes (we are working on hexa/penta/wtfagons). if you ask him what some words start with (mom, papa, daddy, ball) he can tell you. i was hoping to have him reading soon, but the lowercase letters are really stressing him out for some reason. i don't know if we should have started with those. he works hard on those things and is such a good learner. kiddo has an amazing sense of humor and loves to learn new words and phrases. one of my favorite phrases he says is, "no waaaayyyy!" he often says this after a word or phrase is said that he doesn't know and will be all like, "campaign finance reform, no waaayyyy!"
our days are never boring and our nights are never exciting. most nights by 8 pm i am so exhausted that i am ready to collapse. i love it - i love them. i wouldn't trade these years for anything.
the miniature dictator can pack quite a punch in that little voice of hers. she likes to complain, a lot, and knows how to work a tantrum the second she doesn't get exactly what she wants. she has beautiful dimples that shine through so cutely when she is happy. she loves to shake her head back and forth for comedic effect. she loves to clap her hands and celebrate little moments - especially the ones where she pulls off something evil, like stealing her brother's favorite toys away from him. she is starting to laugh more, still wants to snuggle constantly, and maintains a solid routine that will create a world of chaos if disrupted. she is a challenging baby, but she is so worth every second of it.
this has been a long month + for us. work hasn't especially been kind to the husband and the heat hasn't been kind to the kids and i. it feels like we have been in one giant transition month with the kids learning this or that about themselves and how to manipulate those around them. chunk and ge are very different children and that can, at times, come with a bit of a challenge. ge likes order and structure and chunk likes to destroy those things. ge has to give a lot during the day, so during chunk's naps i set aside special time for us to play trains, read a book, paint, etc. so he gets some time in with me that doesn't involve a giant 10 month old baby smashing and eating everything in sight. we are trying to find a balance, but sometimes that takes time. i guess. i mean, that's what i am hoping.
ge is finally eating. he is still a vegetarian, save for chicken nuggets, but he is actually eating three meals a day and asking for food. he has been such a shitty eater his entire life so it is nice to hear the words, "mom, i am hungry." he can count to 15, knows all of his uppercase letters, is working on his lowercase, knows all of his colors and the basic shapes (we are working on hexa/penta/wtfagons). if you ask him what some words start with (mom, papa, daddy, ball) he can tell you. i was hoping to have him reading soon, but the lowercase letters are really stressing him out for some reason. i don't know if we should have started with those. he works hard on those things and is such a good learner. kiddo has an amazing sense of humor and loves to learn new words and phrases. one of my favorite phrases he says is, "no waaaayyyy!" he often says this after a word or phrase is said that he doesn't know and will be all like, "campaign finance reform, no waaayyyy!"
our days are never boring and our nights are never exciting. most nights by 8 pm i am so exhausted that i am ready to collapse. i love it - i love them. i wouldn't trade these years for anything.
7.15.2011
the sickness.
the today show is the background noise to my mornings. i never really liked it until the last year, but it does a good job of giving me a bit of news, ridiculous pieces to keep me ranting and awake, and a nice solid chance to make fun of ann curry for her horrible fashion choices and her inability to do an interview with absolutely anybody. the way she touches people and the tone of her voice make me so uncomfortable. and, to be honest, i just assume matt lauer is the biggest prick off camera. my mom loves him and i just don't get it. i miss meredith.
anywho, this morning their concert series pick is chris brown. okay, whatever. i wouldn't put him on my show, but what bothers me more is the droves of women, and their many young daughters, that are in the audience celebrating this guy and his shit ass music. i just want to grab them all by the shoulders and scream, "you know he beat the crap out of his girlfriend, right? and as women we shouldn't really scream and cheer for someone like that, right? RIGHT!?" taking abuse is a fracking sickness and we seem to allow it in our culture without even thinking twice. i have been abused and it is awful. i see people like chris brown getting off on the fame that he has and i wish him nothing but the worst in life. there is no repentance, there should be no fame after that. and, just so you know, the same goes for women abusers, too. don't even get me started on the fact that i heard there are men sending casey anthony money in prison. that is disgusting.
and, by the way, chris brown has still been running all over the place slinging homophobic slurs and hatred on his douche bag tour of daily celebrity status. you may like a persons music, but we need to learn to turn on back on people that make bad life decisions. our nation needs to go to the betty ford clinic to figure out how to stop enabling celebrities. i am just so tired of it.
chunk didn't sleep last night. no, that's not why i am pissy (i would have been anyway), but still - she is evil. she is crawling and cruising and getting into absolutely everything she can. i think that her brain is spinning in over drive trying to figure out how to walk and that is resulting in only stress inducing insanity moments for me. she is just so intense right now and she refuses to sleep. i have had 5 hours of sleep in 2 days and today is house cleaning day and i am starting to look at the walls of my home as if they are made from the worst things this world has to offer. like chris brown is pictured in every corner of my home. ugh. the sickness.
on a positive note ge is still cute. and he is trying really hard to help me with chunk. i decided to start walking at night and i feel so much better. the last 2 nights the moon has been beautiful and full. wednesday i walked 4 and a half miles and listened to american gods by neil gaiman, last night i walked about 4 and a half miles again while listening to mumford and sons, kings of leon, and hanggai. there is a route that is a steady climb up a hill right by the golf course and i am enjoying the pain it is putting into my legs. i feel so much better getting out of the house again. i make dinner, do the dishes, and then push myself out the door. once i am in the cool of the night my ipod starts dripping sweet voices into my step and i propelled forward into a healthier and happier me. good things.
7.11.2011
over-drive
i am currently, for the first time ever, in the middle of watching every wonderful episode of grey's anatomy; it plays daily on lifetime and i have to often ask myself why in the world i never watched it before. and i go to thank the god's of television for women for bringing this to me and then a commercial for "dance mom's" come on and i am left with a very - bad! bad lifetime! kind of feeling.
if you don't know what i am talking about, be disgusted over here
i love reality tv. i love the jersey shore. i am all for trashy people getting drunk and making stupid decisions for the benefit of my amusement. i am all for those things because they are completely mindless shows in a life full of stress. i watch a lot of really bad television and i refuse to apologize for that. but dance mom's!? dance freaking moms!?!?! these women are horrible mothers. awful. to make money off of watching some nasty bitch scream at your kids is beyond bad parenting. it is bottom barrel scum sucking bad. i get that kids need encouragement and if they want to be dancers they need training, but there are dance coaches out there that can actually dance with your kids and won't be all screamy nasty mean face bitch like. gar. besides - kids don't belong on reality tv. assholes.
i hold the same issue with toddlers and tiaras, but on a grander scale. those women should be locked up and their adorable little brats should be retrained to know that 3 year olds shouldn't be drinking red bull so mommy can live out her twisted fantasy of being miss america. to me it really appears as if those crazy mothers want their daughters to grow up to be scantily clad head fucks, because that's where they are headed. little girls shouldn't be booty dancing in short shorts in front of a panel of judges for a cash prize of a thousand dollars - that's called stripping. and no, your 2 year old didn't want to to pageants, you did. and now your 8 year old thinks that the only thing that matters about her is her divatude, her trophies, and her ability to pull off showing her spray tan by showing as much skin as possible. you don't deserve children, ladies. hell, you don't even deserve a puppy.
i look at chunk and the thought of doing anything like that to her makes me physically ill. we are over-sexing our little girls at younger and younger ages. i never thought i would be such a prude, but i am. i want my baby daughter to be a baby, and then a little girl (a loooong stretch of that), and then a teenager. i want her to be innocent and adorable for as long as possible. i never want her to be one of those little girls i see walking around the mall in clothes that are barely fit for a night club. seriously! where the fuck are their parents!? how do you let your 12 year old wear a miniskirt? how do you look at that little girl and say, yep! you look like every skeavy guy in the mall is going to look at you like a tiger looks at a steak - good for you! have fun with your friends! NO. bad parents. BAD.
i know i won't be able to keep her from the grips of the katy perry's, keshas, and lady gaga's, but i will teach my daughter that not looking like them is more about self respect. i think that a lot of american's are obsessed with the royal couple right now because they are a refreshing change of pace from the "role models" our children have. that cathrine is a beautiful young woman with such grace and class. that is the kind of young lady i would love chunk to be. i would love for her to know that she can be beautiful without showing every inch of her skin. i would love for her to know that, as a female, she has more power in her mind than in her body. i would love for her to respect herself and have pride. i know that there is a lot going against me, but i am hoping just being honest with her and always talking with her will help her understand why i don't think that strapping on a meat suit and / or singing about one night stands in high school and / or just selling off any amount of self respect you have for a dollar are good options.
and as i finish this female centered post i look up into my tabs and the story i am in the middle of reading is "michele bachmann leads iowa race" and suddenly i think - mebbe meat suits have their good qualities. ugh.
if you don't know what i am talking about, be disgusted over here
i love reality tv. i love the jersey shore. i am all for trashy people getting drunk and making stupid decisions for the benefit of my amusement. i am all for those things because they are completely mindless shows in a life full of stress. i watch a lot of really bad television and i refuse to apologize for that. but dance mom's!? dance freaking moms!?!?! these women are horrible mothers. awful. to make money off of watching some nasty bitch scream at your kids is beyond bad parenting. it is bottom barrel scum sucking bad. i get that kids need encouragement and if they want to be dancers they need training, but there are dance coaches out there that can actually dance with your kids and won't be all screamy nasty mean face bitch like. gar. besides - kids don't belong on reality tv. assholes.
i hold the same issue with toddlers and tiaras, but on a grander scale. those women should be locked up and their adorable little brats should be retrained to know that 3 year olds shouldn't be drinking red bull so mommy can live out her twisted fantasy of being miss america. to me it really appears as if those crazy mothers want their daughters to grow up to be scantily clad head fucks, because that's where they are headed. little girls shouldn't be booty dancing in short shorts in front of a panel of judges for a cash prize of a thousand dollars - that's called stripping. and no, your 2 year old didn't want to to pageants, you did. and now your 8 year old thinks that the only thing that matters about her is her divatude, her trophies, and her ability to pull off showing her spray tan by showing as much skin as possible. you don't deserve children, ladies. hell, you don't even deserve a puppy.
i look at chunk and the thought of doing anything like that to her makes me physically ill. we are over-sexing our little girls at younger and younger ages. i never thought i would be such a prude, but i am. i want my baby daughter to be a baby, and then a little girl (a loooong stretch of that), and then a teenager. i want her to be innocent and adorable for as long as possible. i never want her to be one of those little girls i see walking around the mall in clothes that are barely fit for a night club. seriously! where the fuck are their parents!? how do you let your 12 year old wear a miniskirt? how do you look at that little girl and say, yep! you look like every skeavy guy in the mall is going to look at you like a tiger looks at a steak - good for you! have fun with your friends! NO. bad parents. BAD.
i know i won't be able to keep her from the grips of the katy perry's, keshas, and lady gaga's, but i will teach my daughter that not looking like them is more about self respect. i think that a lot of american's are obsessed with the royal couple right now because they are a refreshing change of pace from the "role models" our children have. that cathrine is a beautiful young woman with such grace and class. that is the kind of young lady i would love chunk to be. i would love for her to know that she can be beautiful without showing every inch of her skin. i would love for her to know that, as a female, she has more power in her mind than in her body. i would love for her to respect herself and have pride. i know that there is a lot going against me, but i am hoping just being honest with her and always talking with her will help her understand why i don't think that strapping on a meat suit and / or singing about one night stands in high school and / or just selling off any amount of self respect you have for a dollar are good options.
and as i finish this female centered post i look up into my tabs and the story i am in the middle of reading is "michele bachmann leads iowa race" and suddenly i think - mebbe meat suits have their good qualities. ugh.
7.01.2011
no blog til sleeping
i know that i have been seriously lagging on my blog updates as of late, but i have a really good excuse :
having two kids this age is freaking hard.
i wrote up a post last weekend, but i never got around to finishing it and now it is just sitting in draft status all lonely without it's ending paragraph(s). i was going to finish it, but chunk is a lighting quick crawler, and also a 3 am riser, and by the time they go to bed i am so exhausted that i can no longer form sentences. hell, i can barely move my fingers by 8 oclock. but i do, because that's when i make dinner. and then dishes. and by 9 it is finally time for me to sit down and blogging sounds stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid.
the kids aredriving me crazy doing great! chunk is a crawler, and is working on being a stander as well. the other day she stood up on her own by pushing off a teeny box and i thought it was going to go really badly, but by the time i got around to almost intervening she was safely down on her bum and she still had all of her eyes and toes. ge is insane and 3. he is really, really good at being 3. we have had a lot of activities for him lately to keep him busy and it seems to help him from not going crazy and speaking in tongues. they are both playing in ge's room happily together these days, which helps me do things like vacuum and make sure that the dishes we own aren't covered in gross. their ages may be hard at the moment, but i know in the next few months it will get a bit more easy.
the husband, the amazing husband, killed his fiscal year end at work and had a real live smile on his face when he came home from yet another 14 hour day at work last night. he threw himself into making june his month and he succeeded. we miss him, though, and i am so happy he is home for a 3 day weekend. we are going to go to the farmer's market, light of some cheap fireworks, and have a movie night with ge. should be a wonderful weekend. plus, backup! huzzah for backup!
i am going to try and blog more in july. i keep this blog for my kids so i really want to stay more updated on it. eventually a lot of the entries will make their way into book form so i can tell my children howawful wonderful and fun they were when they were little. time really does fly by with kids and this here word thingie helps me slow down and remember all of the moments we have.
having two kids this age is freaking hard.
i wrote up a post last weekend, but i never got around to finishing it and now it is just sitting in draft status all lonely without it's ending paragraph(s). i was going to finish it, but chunk is a lighting quick crawler, and also a 3 am riser, and by the time they go to bed i am so exhausted that i can no longer form sentences. hell, i can barely move my fingers by 8 oclock. but i do, because that's when i make dinner. and then dishes. and by 9 it is finally time for me to sit down and blogging sounds stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid.
the kids are
the husband, the amazing husband, killed his fiscal year end at work and had a real live smile on his face when he came home from yet another 14 hour day at work last night. he threw himself into making june his month and he succeeded. we miss him, though, and i am so happy he is home for a 3 day weekend. we are going to go to the farmer's market, light of some cheap fireworks, and have a movie night with ge. should be a wonderful weekend. plus, backup! huzzah for backup!
i am going to try and blog more in july. i keep this blog for my kids so i really want to stay more updated on it. eventually a lot of the entries will make their way into book form so i can tell my children how
6.23.2011
so far
11 : 27 am
chunk's 2nd meal of the day. the same apples she had yesterday - today she refuses to eat them. fickle baby. i think she just wanted to eat her fake cheetos.
i have already had this conversation - "look mom, i can lick my window!" "ugh, no, please don't lick your window." "why mom? i have an awesome tongue!"
1 of 2 baby naps has been taken. 1 lean cuisine has been quickly had for breakfast. dancing. singing. reading. toy box (a.k.a. my house) is .13% cleaned. this life is so far from glamorous.
i need a recipe for a low fat high delicious apple pie / cobbler thingie that can satiate my need for a pie without giving me 40% of the saturated fat i need for the day. i don't even like sweet things that much, but dieting is killing me and for some reason i think i want all the cookies and cake in the world. i don't. i really don't think i do. i just need to know that they still exist.
chunk's 2nd meal of the day. the same apples she had yesterday - today she refuses to eat them. fickle baby. i think she just wanted to eat her fake cheetos.
i have already had this conversation - "look mom, i can lick my window!" "ugh, no, please don't lick your window." "why mom? i have an awesome tongue!"
1 of 2 baby naps has been taken. 1 lean cuisine has been quickly had for breakfast. dancing. singing. reading. toy box (a.k.a. my house) is .13% cleaned. this life is so far from glamorous.
i need a recipe for a low fat high delicious apple pie / cobbler thingie that can satiate my need for a pie without giving me 40% of the saturated fat i need for the day. i don't even like sweet things that much, but dieting is killing me and for some reason i think i want all the cookies and cake in the world. i don't. i really don't think i do. i just need to know that they still exist.
6.22.2011
9 months of chunk
Little Charli,
I can’t believe you are 9 months old. I can’t believe that time has gone as quickly as it has, and I am still pretty angry that I can’t seem to slow it down. I am terrified that I am going to wake up tomorrow and you are going to be 18 with a boyfriend I hate and an attitude matched to yours right now – an attitude that I have now named divatude. You are just sooo opinionated. Most of the time you are screaming because you want to go play in your brother’s room, you love playing with him and all of his cool big kid toys. The two of you have really developed a relationship over the last week. Yesterday you sat in his room and watched Sesame Street and played his drum while he draped you in blankets; I could hear the two of you giggling and it brought tears to my eyes. I know I have said it before, but that little boy loves you, and I know he always will.
You love your Eggo Waffles for breakfast, a fruit or veggie puree for lunch, and a cereal for dinner. You, my beautiful little girl, are a creature of habit. Long nap in the morning, short nap mid afternoon, and bath and bed at 8; you will not let your dad put you down for a nap and you hate when I try and put you down at night. See? Opinionated. You almost always have a smile when you are being talked to, even if it is a stranger that is shoving their face in yours, which happens a lot. You and your brother get so much attention that it drives me crazy sometimes, especially when we are in a hurry. Little old ladies just flock to touch your fat little feet and tell me what a precious little girl you are – and they are right.
This week you started clapping, and what I love most about that is that you started clapping for two reasons. The first reason is, “yaaaaaay!” as in, “mom! I touched this button and my kitchen light went on and it is singing me songs now – yaaaaaay!” The second reason is, “now!” as in, “mom! I am on the ground and I don’t know words but pick me up now or I will throw a tantrum!” Both of these reasons are wonderful and delightful and you always have a smile on your face while you are clapping. Poor little girl, you are still stuck in reverse, but you can stand by yourself while holding things and you can get to sitting from crawl. You want to be mobile so badly, but you just can’t figure it out. Honestly, I am so sick of getting screamed at, and my arms are so tired from carrying your giant babyness around, that I too hope you figure it out soon. I thought I was going to be nervous about you walking, but really I think I want you to as much as you do.
I hear the words, “that’s a healthy baby” a lot. And you are. You are a giant, happy, and healthy baby. You are wearing clothes that your brother fit into last year. We visited your doctor today and he said my favorite thing to hear from a doctor, “She’s perfect. Keep doing what you’re doing.” The nurse measured your head while you were lying on the table and went to measure it again thinking that she must have got the measurement wrong, I laughed and said, “nope, she just has a giant head like her Dad.” It’s true, you also have his love for cheese, his allergy to the sun (you sneeze every time you see the sun), and his amazing smile. Your 9 months stats are – weight : 21.8 pounds (90%) height : 28.5 inches (93%) head : 19.25 inches (97%!).
You may have a giant head, you may scream at me in demanding ways, you may take poops that literally overflow your diaper and lead me to cleaning the carpets, and you may make crazy growling noises at me, but you are beautiful and you are life changing and you and your brother have been the most amazing blessings I have had in my entire life. You keep us all laughing and when you are in that moment, claiming the center of attention that you and your brother fight for, you clap your hands and look up at us with those big blue eyes and we would do anything in the world for you. You constantly amaze me and fill me with pride and love and unicorns and rainbows. Our tagline for you is, “I’m Charli and I’m just happy to be here” because when you are happy, you are just sooo happy. We are all just happy you are here, too. Thank you for an amazing nine months, I can’t wait to see where you go next.
Love,
Mama
6.20.2011
all the noise, noise, noise, noise
something about it being hotter outside makes me not able to blog. that and the screaming 9 month old that won't let me put or her down. the same one that thinks i am an idiot for not understanding what she needs when she throws up her divatude every 120 seconds. she is so the opposite of ge, who was a nice baby.
we had a wonderful father's day weekend. we celebrated the weekend by doing a lot of nothing. saturday the husband took the kids off of my hands so i could spend 7 hours cleaning the house. hoorah! yesterday the husband got his presents and ge unwrapped them all, telling him what he was getting as the process went down. ge doesn't necessarily understand the word "surprise". books, a tie, comfy shorts, an i <3 my baby daddy cross stitch, and a "world's coolest dad" shirt courtesy of walmart - quite possibly the coolest shirt you could ever get for $5.64. the husband loved all of it, and he loved his day. we left the house to buy beer and steaks and then spent the remainder running around like crazy people playing basketball in ge's room and laughing until our sides hurt. we could have been a hallmark television special yesterday.
and now it is monday. and chunk woke up screaming at 4:30 and has a belly ache and my hallmark special has just turned into some sad indie flick or something like a horror film, but without that creepy doctor that you think you could trust but it turns out he is murdering everyone in the town and that crazy guy down the street knows, but you didn't believe him and now, well now it may be too late. something like that. i am praying to mark wahlberg that we are going to have a better week than last week, which sucked. hard.
it's funny, i had this post all written up about how everything had been so stressy and i finally felt like i was getting on top of this whole 2 demanding kids and 1 dirty house day in and day out thing and they saw me relaxing a bit and pulled the rug out from underneath my feet. being a stay at home mom can be so difficult sometimes. my bosses are unreasonable and they scream at me for no reason. and one of them doesn't even know words and she is the one that screams at me the most. i am hoping that we pass this little block in the road soon because it might turn into a movie a lot more like girl interrupted.
we had a wonderful father's day weekend. we celebrated the weekend by doing a lot of nothing. saturday the husband took the kids off of my hands so i could spend 7 hours cleaning the house. hoorah! yesterday the husband got his presents and ge unwrapped them all, telling him what he was getting as the process went down. ge doesn't necessarily understand the word "surprise". books, a tie, comfy shorts, an i <3 my baby daddy cross stitch, and a "world's coolest dad" shirt courtesy of walmart - quite possibly the coolest shirt you could ever get for $5.64. the husband loved all of it, and he loved his day. we left the house to buy beer and steaks and then spent the remainder running around like crazy people playing basketball in ge's room and laughing until our sides hurt. we could have been a hallmark television special yesterday.
and now it is monday. and chunk woke up screaming at 4:30 and has a belly ache and my hallmark special has just turned into some sad indie flick or something like a horror film, but without that creepy doctor that you think you could trust but it turns out he is murdering everyone in the town and that crazy guy down the street knows, but you didn't believe him and now, well now it may be too late. something like that. i am praying to mark wahlberg that we are going to have a better week than last week, which sucked. hard.
it's funny, i had this post all written up about how everything had been so stressy and i finally felt like i was getting on top of this whole 2 demanding kids and 1 dirty house day in and day out thing and they saw me relaxing a bit and pulled the rug out from underneath my feet. being a stay at home mom can be so difficult sometimes. my bosses are unreasonable and they scream at me for no reason. and one of them doesn't even know words and she is the one that screams at me the most. i am hoping that we pass this little block in the road soon because it might turn into a movie a lot more like girl interrupted.
6.10.2011
and then there was loud
her royal fatness, princess of cupcakes has decided that she doesn't want to be my sweet little baby any longer. she has decided that she would like to scream at me, often. the poor girl is teething, angry at the heat, and stuck in reverse. she wants to be on the floor so badly to crawl, but winds up pushing herself backwards every time and having a nervous freaking breakdown because she cannot figure out how to move forward. i never had this problem with ge; his problems were always solvable. he never just sat and screamed at me.
i feel bad for the chunkers, but it is honestly stressful to be screamed at and not know how to fix it. even when ge teethed he just wanted a cuddle and would stop screaming. i remember this being a tough age for ge in terms of becoming a toddler instead of a baby, but i don't remember it being this tough. and she is so big. carrying around a 26 pound sack of angry baby potatoes that screams at you while it's hotter than hell outside is not my idea of a fun day, but it seems to be the norm this week. my arms hurt, i am super tired, and obviously i am super complainey. i think if chunk was my mom i would probably be screaming at her, too.
i feel bad for the chunkers, but it is honestly stressful to be screamed at and not know how to fix it. even when ge teethed he just wanted a cuddle and would stop screaming. i remember this being a tough age for ge in terms of becoming a toddler instead of a baby, but i don't remember it being this tough. and she is so big. carrying around a 26 pound sack of angry baby potatoes that screams at you while it's hotter than hell outside is not my idea of a fun day, but it seems to be the norm this week. my arms hurt, i am super tired, and obviously i am super complainey. i think if chunk was my mom i would probably be screaming at her, too.
6.08.2011
so all over the board
* I have been trying to write this blog for 2 days and am pretty much failing miserably. I have been so busy with the kids during the day and the Husband and I have been enjoying each other's company and a bit of relaxation teevee during the night. And I make no promises for finishing this because the heat is rising back here on el east coast and I am so not built for heat. Maybe speed, but most definitely not heat.
Last night my 3 year old chastised me for not getting around to scrubbing the toilets. This after a long day of unpacking, grocery shopping, and jumping in to what will be a week long cleanse of our home. My Husband looked at me and said, "did he just tell you to clean his toilet?" And I wanted to say I am surprised, but that sums up Ge; he isn't doing it to be an ass, but he honestly cares about the clean and he knows that I am the one who gets it done. And, like I say, if the Bossy Cows were a gang, Ge would be their fearless leader.
Conversation with Ge go a lot like this lately,
Ge - Do such and such thing or give me such or such thing
Me - I can't hear you
Ge - Do such and such or give such and such, please
Me - Good, now say it all together
Ge - Mom, pllleeeeaaaase can you blah blah blah?
And there is always a thank you. He loves to get underneath my feet, almost tripping me, and then say excuse me so he can be a polite little annoyance. He still eats like crap, but he is getting better with choices. He refuses to drink water, which worries me because it's getting ridiculous amounts of hot back here. He is still so little. To put his size in perspective he is 3 and a half and is 28 pounds - his sister is 26 pounds at 9 months. At 9 months ge only weighed 18 lbs.
Chunk and Ge are such different little kids so far. Ge was independent even as a baby. He crawled early and talked late. He loved his alone time in his room and with his toys from the word go. He was thoughtful and payed attention to everything going on around him. Ge was a shy baby and didn't like anyone to talk to him that he didn't know even then. Chunk is needy, she is so dramatic and emotional, she will smile for strangers, and she is just barely starting to try to crawl. Chunk wants to be carried all day long, which is nice because I am looking for ways to work out and lunges with a 26 pound baby seem helpful.
We are headed into a 3 day heat up back east and I can already feel myself getting all cranky and complainy. The heat and I don't get along. I think that 70 is hot, so heat indexes of 105 + are just unbearable. I know that I am supposed to be grateful because our weather could be worse, but I am too hot to be compassionate and I reserve the right to be a whiny bitch whenever I please. Plus, we are suppose to go to the Phillies game Saturday and now they are calling for rain. Nature is screwing with all of us. I blame Anthony Weiner.
Last night my 3 year old chastised me for not getting around to scrubbing the toilets. This after a long day of unpacking, grocery shopping, and jumping in to what will be a week long cleanse of our home. My Husband looked at me and said, "did he just tell you to clean his toilet?" And I wanted to say I am surprised, but that sums up Ge; he isn't doing it to be an ass, but he honestly cares about the clean and he knows that I am the one who gets it done. And, like I say, if the Bossy Cows were a gang, Ge would be their fearless leader.
Conversation with Ge go a lot like this lately,
Ge - Do such and such thing or give me such or such thing
Me - I can't hear you
Ge - Do such and such or give such and such, please
Me - Good, now say it all together
Ge - Mom, pllleeeeaaaase can you blah blah blah?
And there is always a thank you. He loves to get underneath my feet, almost tripping me, and then say excuse me so he can be a polite little annoyance. He still eats like crap, but he is getting better with choices. He refuses to drink water, which worries me because it's getting ridiculous amounts of hot back here. He is still so little. To put his size in perspective he is 3 and a half and is 28 pounds - his sister is 26 pounds at 9 months. At 9 months ge only weighed 18 lbs.
Chunk and Ge are such different little kids so far. Ge was independent even as a baby. He crawled early and talked late. He loved his alone time in his room and with his toys from the word go. He was thoughtful and payed attention to everything going on around him. Ge was a shy baby and didn't like anyone to talk to him that he didn't know even then. Chunk is needy, she is so dramatic and emotional, she will smile for strangers, and she is just barely starting to try to crawl. Chunk wants to be carried all day long, which is nice because I am looking for ways to work out and lunges with a 26 pound baby seem helpful.
We are headed into a 3 day heat up back east and I can already feel myself getting all cranky and complainy. The heat and I don't get along. I think that 70 is hot, so heat indexes of 105 + are just unbearable. I know that I am supposed to be grateful because our weather could be worse, but I am too hot to be compassionate and I reserve the right to be a whiny bitch whenever I please. Plus, we are suppose to go to the Phillies game Saturday and now they are calling for rain. Nature is screwing with all of us. I blame Anthony Weiner.
5.25.2011
please send ice
you know what is hard? finding the motivation to blog when it is hot and humid. also difficult, not turning on the air conditioning. i have made myself a promise that i will delay turning on the air conditioning for as long as possible this summer because i absolutely do not enjoy the rape like bills that peco sends me for our old ass air conditioner and its constant state of on. seriously, i almost threw up last year when i got our first bill, but we maintained the condition of the air being cold because i was pregnant, and i get grumpy when i am pregnant. very. easily. i purchased a 17 dollar fan from target that seems to be helping, but still ... being on a grown up budget is hard. and it sucks.
the kids were absolutely horrible demons today. poor chunk is growing in her two top teeth and ge is 3. ge is 3 a lot, and chunk's teeth never seem to stop growing in. i am glad that peco can't charge me for this because i am sure that budget billing would not cover it at all. this business of being alive is incredibly expensive.
chunk-a-tron is a rolling fool around our house. she can scoot backwards, readjust her turn to move in a new direction, and she is trying really hard to manipulate those fat little knees of hers to stay up. she is an absolutely hilarious and sweet little baby. her papa loved my, "hold my closer sloppy kisser" song, because she loves to just latch on to any piece of my skin she can find to show affection. my tag line for the chunk is, "i am just happy to be here." because she continues to just love being alive, and being around everyone that pays attention to her. i honestly cannot believe that she is 8 months old, and that she will soon be 1. time flies when you live in such a beautiful world.
ge is a talking, singing fool. tonight he was following me around the house screaming nonsense while i was on the phone with his aunt brook. i jokingly told him that he was a burden and he burst out into a laughter that lasted 10 minutes. he loves to be challenging. he will tell me, "mom, i am going to be frustrating now" and he does, and he will. i love that he challenges me, i love it most when he is asleep and i am relaxing - like now. he loves to paint, sing songs while he drums, tell me what to do, play mickey mouse friends with his dad, and go anywhere outside. he is such a help at the grocery store and takes such loving care of his little sister. ge has always been and remains and incredible blessing on my life.
the husband is stressed with work, but he is wonderful as always. i am so incredibly proud of the person he is and the husband he is. he keeps me laughing at my worst moments and is always there for us unconditionally. plus, he knows my favorite wines and my drink order from starbucks! how can you say anything bad about that?!
the feeling in my hands is starting to return, but that has been met with a lot of pain from the various injuries i seem to have sustained in the 4 weeks of numbness. i am starting to believe that the last month + of hardships were completely due to zoloft withdrawal. horrible, awful, zoloft withdrawals. i will never miss that drug.
it's hot. i am sure that there are other words i planned on typing, but a 17 dollar fan only blows so much ... just ask lloyd how much more 8 dollars could have gotten us.
the kids were absolutely horrible demons today. poor chunk is growing in her two top teeth and ge is 3. ge is 3 a lot, and chunk's teeth never seem to stop growing in. i am glad that peco can't charge me for this because i am sure that budget billing would not cover it at all. this business of being alive is incredibly expensive.
chunk-a-tron is a rolling fool around our house. she can scoot backwards, readjust her turn to move in a new direction, and she is trying really hard to manipulate those fat little knees of hers to stay up. she is an absolutely hilarious and sweet little baby. her papa loved my, "hold my closer sloppy kisser" song, because she loves to just latch on to any piece of my skin she can find to show affection. my tag line for the chunk is, "i am just happy to be here." because she continues to just love being alive, and being around everyone that pays attention to her. i honestly cannot believe that she is 8 months old, and that she will soon be 1. time flies when you live in such a beautiful world.
ge is a talking, singing fool. tonight he was following me around the house screaming nonsense while i was on the phone with his aunt brook. i jokingly told him that he was a burden and he burst out into a laughter that lasted 10 minutes. he loves to be challenging. he will tell me, "mom, i am going to be frustrating now" and he does, and he will. i love that he challenges me, i love it most when he is asleep and i am relaxing - like now. he loves to paint, sing songs while he drums, tell me what to do, play mickey mouse friends with his dad, and go anywhere outside. he is such a help at the grocery store and takes such loving care of his little sister. ge has always been and remains and incredible blessing on my life.
the husband is stressed with work, but he is wonderful as always. i am so incredibly proud of the person he is and the husband he is. he keeps me laughing at my worst moments and is always there for us unconditionally. plus, he knows my favorite wines and my drink order from starbucks! how can you say anything bad about that?!
the feeling in my hands is starting to return, but that has been met with a lot of pain from the various injuries i seem to have sustained in the 4 weeks of numbness. i am starting to believe that the last month + of hardships were completely due to zoloft withdrawal. horrible, awful, zoloft withdrawals. i will never miss that drug.
it's hot. i am sure that there are other words i planned on typing, but a 17 dollar fan only blows so much ... just ask lloyd how much more 8 dollars could have gotten us.
5.24.2011
i'm about to get list like up in here
first, with the teevee talk
this weekend we get to see my sister and her family and they are going to take the little devils off of our hands for two hours so we can actually be grow-ups and go see the hangover two. i. are. excited!! i feel spoiled with all of this family time because my family is way cooler than yours. i mean, no offense, but i have to be biased. you would be biased, too.
- how awesome was house last night? i felt like the sick person story was a little draggy and ridiculous, but she paralleled house well and i absolutely love that actresses voice. i hope that it wasn't a hallucination, because that would be like the billionth time they have done that and i totally love the car into house scene. win.
- i am still mourning the loss of how i met your mother for the season, but they went out with a good bang and i can spend my lame summer television months thinking that lily is happily pregnant. i told the husband as soon as it started that she was with alien life form. this season was a lot of sad so i was happy to see it end with so much happy.
- i have never watched the biggest loser before, but i got hooked about half way through this season and i am loving it. i don't know what happens tonight, but i hope the best things happen to hannah. it really is amazing to watch the transformations.
- uhm, voice? yes? i love it and i got the husband hooked on it, too. i still think blake shelton is an absolute idiot for letting tyler robinson go, but i will move forward with the show trying to hold only a little grudge. the show really is the awesome and i am excited for it tonight.
- and yes, glee. i love me some glee. i love me some over-the-top break outs into random song and ridiculous plot twists. you could judge me, but jesus said not to. so there. i am hoping they win nationals. i don't know if the writers will do that, but i would rather it not completely mimic the last season-ender. plus, if they lose nationals you know they will probably take it next year and the formula gets a bit boring.
- how sucky is the end of good television!? i am super excited that we get so you think you can dance and next food network star soon. the closer is a huge summer time tee vee win for us, too. excuse me a minute while i go hug my television and tell it that i love it and i don't know how other people live without it.
this weekend we get to see my sister and her family and they are going to take the little devils off of our hands for two hours so we can actually be grow-ups and go see the hangover two. i. are. excited!! i feel spoiled with all of this family time because my family is way cooler than yours. i mean, no offense, but i have to be biased. you would be biased, too.
5.20.2011
laser envy
the kiddo's beloved paw-paw is in town and not only did he bring his love for entertaining our children, he brought a really cool blue laser with a super powerful beam. for his line of work he is the kind of person who needs super powerful laser beams, and as a proud relative i am the kind of person who just found out i love to play with super powerful laser beams. for instance: did you know that if you hold black paper up to said laser it will actually start on fire!? très bien!! also, playing with laser beams during the night time is a lot, and i mean a lot, of fun. i am probably not responsible enough to own one, nor could i legally buy one, but it was a lot of fun.
last nights adventures in phosphor fun were a blast, and today brings more merriment as we head to the slides and later make some blue cheese burgers. i absolutely love the chance to spend time with family and watch the kids get some solid interaction with their grandfather. slides and books by day - science, mma, and politics by night. perfection!
my blood test results came back clean, which is good, but slightly annoying. i am almost positive i am going to have to move myself to a gluten free diet to see if that brings the feelings back into my hands. i miss having extremities that feel normal. right now i am either in excruciating pain, or numb. blah. perhaps i will make the month of july not only about our freedom, but my freedom from gluten. i am going to give the zoloft withdrawals the two more weeks necessary to finish off, too, before i make any major decisions. part of me was just really wishing the doctor would call back and give me a solid issue and solution. they never have before though, so i suppose i am not too surprised.
off to play in the rain.
5.11.2011
my day had me
today has been a long day for so many reasons. i have really had to be on my a game the last 48 hours and last night the chunk-a-tron didn't really allot me the amount of sleep necessary for my a game. i occasionally felt like my game was a little more b minus today.
my long awaited internal medicine doctor's visit was today. friday i get a full blood panel workup and a throat ultrasound, but my doctor's first diagnosis is a "serious" thyroid condition and celiacs disease. celiacs doesn't concern me, because i have watched my sister kick ass at her gluten free life and i know that she will be there to give me advice and help me learn to cook, but i don't so much like the thyroid issues. no matter what i am ready to put the days of feeling awful behind me and hope that i can simply get a diagnosis and a path forward to feeling the best kerry that i can be.
right now america's next top model is on (go hannah!), there is a glass of wine to be drank, and silence to be enjoyed. and i am going to use these next minutes before i head off into slumber land to relax and reflect. cheers.
my long awaited internal medicine doctor's visit was today. friday i get a full blood panel workup and a throat ultrasound, but my doctor's first diagnosis is a "serious" thyroid condition and celiacs disease. celiacs doesn't concern me, because i have watched my sister kick ass at her gluten free life and i know that she will be there to give me advice and help me learn to cook, but i don't so much like the thyroid issues. no matter what i am ready to put the days of feeling awful behind me and hope that i can simply get a diagnosis and a path forward to feeling the best kerry that i can be.
right now america's next top model is on (go hannah!), there is a glass of wine to be drank, and silence to be enjoyed. and i am going to use these next minutes before i head off into slumber land to relax and reflect. cheers.
5.07.2011
sadistic slumbers
* i feel like i have to preface this blog by saying that i do not choose to watch the kardashians. but yes, i am a person that will stop to watch a train wreck if one happens in front of me. if, for some reason (the soup!), our tv is tuned to E! and the kardashians are on i cannot look away. they are such interesting people to me because i truly cannot understand why people would actually want to watch them. and yet, they are my television show equivalent of a train wreck.
this morning the husband let me sleep in. (i actually slept until 9 am!) for me, most of my crazy dreams happen after the sun has risen and i continue peacefully in my slumber, burritoed in my soft comforter and squishy pillows. today the crazy dreams reached a monumental peak by way of the kardashians. i will tell the dream as i saw it - please try not to judge my insanity too harshly.
we begin at a dive bar. the best way to describe this bar is dusty; the colors were very sepia toned and the faces of the people around me took on a very softened look. my husband and i were surrounded by some friends that are real in our life and some of, what i call, my dream friends (people that do not actually exist, but often pop up in my sleeping head.) we were deep in detective like conversation about the serial killings that were happening around us. the surroundings began to take shape as the conversation unfolded, sort of like they happen in a movie; where there is a description of events and places and the camera pans the location they are speaking about. the location was a large quarry with a giant mansion settled in to one of its ledges. the home was vibrant, but the surrounding were very gray and ominous looking. the dive bar happened to sit above the quarry and our homes were somewhere around, although never really shown in my dream. there was a television that was giving us the news of a serial killer in the area and the prime suspect was scott disick. anyone who has ever seen the kardashian shows would most likely agree that out of anyone on the E! network, scott would probably be the person voted most likely to be a creep ass killer. and yet, i was skeptical. we started to piece together the events and i started to argue with our group. is scott an ass? yes. but does being the world's most giant bag of douche make you a killer? not so much. i broke from the group and started a very video game like search for the killer. there were ledges to cross, clues that were grabbed by just the force of thought, and everything started to pull together. the video game like parts of my dream were vibrant, full of color and speed. the husband and i journeyed together and in picking up all the clues realized that it was actually rob kardashian that was the killer. and we brought it to everyone, who immediatly jumped to the defense of what they saw as such an innocent little guy, but the cops started to agree with me and finally i busted the case wide open. rob kardashian, serial killer. we found the clues all over the quarry and were congratulated for our hard work.
and then i woke up, because i could hear my little girl making noises from the other room and i knew that her dad did not have the same means to feed her that i did. and it took me a few minutes to realize what a crazy brain i live in. and i laughed. as much as i love my morning sleep in sessions, they send my dream brain to absolutely insane places. like i said, please do not judge me. you should hear about the crazy shit my mom dreams up!
lovely day in kerry land. we finally retrieved my summer wardrobe from storage and i found that last bit of motivation i need to lose the baby weight when absolutely nothing in my wardrobe fit me. i am going to dig down deep into my motivational bucket and pull that last bit out to help myself. i have been living in such a sad place for the last year and i am ready to help myself, finally. i need to do this because i want to feel better. the husband and ge went on a mother's day shopping trip and ge came home to tell me most of the presents that were bought and how excited he was to surprise me. chunk and i danced around the house a lot and i teared up several times thinking about how grateful i am to have the kids, the husband, and the family that i have.
i am looking forward to tomorrow because it is a day to reflect on my beautiful mother and the past that has brought me here today. it's like the facts of life always said : you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. until tomorrow, goodnight and good wine.
this morning the husband let me sleep in. (i actually slept until 9 am!) for me, most of my crazy dreams happen after the sun has risen and i continue peacefully in my slumber, burritoed in my soft comforter and squishy pillows. today the crazy dreams reached a monumental peak by way of the kardashians. i will tell the dream as i saw it - please try not to judge my insanity too harshly.
we begin at a dive bar. the best way to describe this bar is dusty; the colors were very sepia toned and the faces of the people around me took on a very softened look. my husband and i were surrounded by some friends that are real in our life and some of, what i call, my dream friends (people that do not actually exist, but often pop up in my sleeping head.) we were deep in detective like conversation about the serial killings that were happening around us. the surroundings began to take shape as the conversation unfolded, sort of like they happen in a movie; where there is a description of events and places and the camera pans the location they are speaking about. the location was a large quarry with a giant mansion settled in to one of its ledges. the home was vibrant, but the surrounding were very gray and ominous looking. the dive bar happened to sit above the quarry and our homes were somewhere around, although never really shown in my dream. there was a television that was giving us the news of a serial killer in the area and the prime suspect was scott disick. anyone who has ever seen the kardashian shows would most likely agree that out of anyone on the E! network, scott would probably be the person voted most likely to be a creep ass killer. and yet, i was skeptical. we started to piece together the events and i started to argue with our group. is scott an ass? yes. but does being the world's most giant bag of douche make you a killer? not so much. i broke from the group and started a very video game like search for the killer. there were ledges to cross, clues that were grabbed by just the force of thought, and everything started to pull together. the video game like parts of my dream were vibrant, full of color and speed. the husband and i journeyed together and in picking up all the clues realized that it was actually rob kardashian that was the killer. and we brought it to everyone, who immediatly jumped to the defense of what they saw as such an innocent little guy, but the cops started to agree with me and finally i busted the case wide open. rob kardashian, serial killer. we found the clues all over the quarry and were congratulated for our hard work.
and then i woke up, because i could hear my little girl making noises from the other room and i knew that her dad did not have the same means to feed her that i did. and it took me a few minutes to realize what a crazy brain i live in. and i laughed. as much as i love my morning sleep in sessions, they send my dream brain to absolutely insane places. like i said, please do not judge me. you should hear about the crazy shit my mom dreams up!
lovely day in kerry land. we finally retrieved my summer wardrobe from storage and i found that last bit of motivation i need to lose the baby weight when absolutely nothing in my wardrobe fit me. i am going to dig down deep into my motivational bucket and pull that last bit out to help myself. i have been living in such a sad place for the last year and i am ready to help myself, finally. i need to do this because i want to feel better. the husband and ge went on a mother's day shopping trip and ge came home to tell me most of the presents that were bought and how excited he was to surprise me. chunk and i danced around the house a lot and i teared up several times thinking about how grateful i am to have the kids, the husband, and the family that i have.
i am looking forward to tomorrow because it is a day to reflect on my beautiful mother and the past that has brought me here today. it's like the facts of life always said : you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. until tomorrow, goodnight and good wine.
5.06.2011
mommy blogging
i have to be honest, i used to look at stay at home moms and mock them in my head. how could that be difficult? how is that a job? don't you just sit at home and play with the little ones all day and snack? psh. stay at home moms.
and now, well now i understand that i couldn't have been more wrong about what a difficult job spending all day running evil minions and trying to keep your home clean is. if we are able to make it out if the house by noon it is a miracle. if by the time we make it out of the house i am not exhausted from the sheer effort that goes into getting to little kids and myself ready to leave, i surely am after we run our errands. strap in the car seats, unstrap and take one out, maybe hold the other baby or her in her car seat, don't touch that, no you can't have anything, why are you spitting at strangers, no we don't touch that, why are you even saying that, please stop crying we will be home soon, i am sorry i can't feed you, no you can't have cookies for dinner, seriously stop touching that, omg mommy has to go home before all of these people see her have a nervous break down. phew. it's so much.
and they are little tornadoes. in my next life i will never teach my children that toys exist, or i will just buy a puppy. i can clean the house and 5 minutes later everything is ruined. forget about eating in peace, either. the 3 year old thinks that as soon as i do something for myself he needs to jump in to make sure i am actually doing something for him. my life is cartoon theme songs, laundry, bedtimes, crazy arguments, weird sounds, tears, fights about food, diapers, bathroom floors covered in magical cleaning pee, toys, toys, more toys, and then we wake up and do it all over again. there is never a break. there is only calm after 9 pm and by then i am so exhausted that who even cares about the quiet. i look forward to the weekends and week nights after 7 because the closer comes home and the little monkeys attach to his gravitational pull and i feel less weight and my smile and my hair start coming back.
so, to all of the stay at home moms out there, i apologize for ever doubting you and i want to send out my love and respect for what you (we) do. this mother's day i hope that you all pat yourself on the back and sneak away for 5 minutes to enjoy a bit of silence.
and, because my mommy guilt will not allow me to end this post sounding so rude i must say - the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, watching them grow up, being there to share all of the moments, singing the stupid theme songs with them, laughter, laughter, laughter, and more laughter, the walks, the trips out we turn into learning experiences, kissing them better, loving them every minute no matter what - those things make me love this staying at home and this being their mom. and sometimes, i may sneak in a moment to breathe so they don't see the cracks in my sanity, but when i walk out in the room again and they both smile up, happy to see me still, it reminds me that this is worth it. that the only place in the world i want to be is home, with them.
and now, well now i understand that i couldn't have been more wrong about what a difficult job spending all day running evil minions and trying to keep your home clean is. if we are able to make it out if the house by noon it is a miracle. if by the time we make it out of the house i am not exhausted from the sheer effort that goes into getting to little kids and myself ready to leave, i surely am after we run our errands. strap in the car seats, unstrap and take one out, maybe hold the other baby or her in her car seat, don't touch that, no you can't have anything, why are you spitting at strangers, no we don't touch that, why are you even saying that, please stop crying we will be home soon, i am sorry i can't feed you, no you can't have cookies for dinner, seriously stop touching that, omg mommy has to go home before all of these people see her have a nervous break down. phew. it's so much.
and they are little tornadoes. in my next life i will never teach my children that toys exist, or i will just buy a puppy. i can clean the house and 5 minutes later everything is ruined. forget about eating in peace, either. the 3 year old thinks that as soon as i do something for myself he needs to jump in to make sure i am actually doing something for him. my life is cartoon theme songs, laundry, bedtimes, crazy arguments, weird sounds, tears, fights about food, diapers, bathroom floors covered in magical cleaning pee, toys, toys, more toys, and then we wake up and do it all over again. there is never a break. there is only calm after 9 pm and by then i am so exhausted that who even cares about the quiet. i look forward to the weekends and week nights after 7 because the closer comes home and the little monkeys attach to his gravitational pull and i feel less weight and my smile and my hair start coming back.
so, to all of the stay at home moms out there, i apologize for ever doubting you and i want to send out my love and respect for what you (we) do. this mother's day i hope that you all pat yourself on the back and sneak away for 5 minutes to enjoy a bit of silence.
and, because my mommy guilt will not allow me to end this post sounding so rude i must say - the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, watching them grow up, being there to share all of the moments, singing the stupid theme songs with them, laughter, laughter, laughter, and more laughter, the walks, the trips out we turn into learning experiences, kissing them better, loving them every minute no matter what - those things make me love this staying at home and this being their mom. and sometimes, i may sneak in a moment to breathe so they don't see the cracks in my sanity, but when i walk out in the room again and they both smile up, happy to see me still, it reminds me that this is worth it. that the only place in the world i want to be is home, with them.
5.02.2011
joy, the sweetest
maybe i ate a chili dog for breakfast. and maybe i covered that chili dog in cheese and red onions and hot sauce. and maybe i enjoyed every single bite of it. maybe.
yesterday during my yay-i-finally-can-sit-down-and-play-on-the-internet(!) time i was catching up on all of my favorite blogs (listed over there on the right, in case you didn't notice). i made my way over to joy the baker dot com and started reading her recipe for gluten free strawberry cupcakes and i was just so excited to see a flour girl show the gluten free crowd some love, especially since my sister is part of that gluten free crowd (a life changing thing for her, YAY!) i noticed half way in that this post was also a contest and up for grabs were not only the cookbook for gluten free cupcake, but also the coconut flour and arrowroot powder necessary to make them. holy gluten free cooking awesomeness, batman!
the criteria for the comment was to tell her what you did this weekend out of your comfort zone, and i did, but mostly i told her about how my wonderful sister had to go out of her comfort zone over the last year to rid her life of her beloved friends, pasta and bread, because they were literally harming her and her body. i also told her how wonderful it is that she was showing the gluten free crowd some love. and that i would love the book and flours so i could give them to my sister and demand that she bake me cupcakes every time i have the chance to come down to see her so we could eat cupcakes and drink wine (yum!)
seeing as i am a person who has never won anything i have learned to curb my anticipation for the luck of the draw, so i was very surprised this morning to see an email titled, "hi from joy". and i was super excited that she was so sweet to give this gift to me, so i could be the most thoughtful regifter ever. if that is something that one could be. i am excited and my sister is excited and she said that she will even let me have two (2!) cupcakes when she makes them. i couldn't have more support for brook and her gluten free life, especially because the bread is delicious and it is always fun to try new things when we go to her house.
and seriously, she made a gluten free rum cake that was to die for this christmas and you would have never said, "well there is no flour in this" because you would have been far too busy just eating and eating and eating. gluten free is just assumed to be not so good, but those assumptions are so far off and that community deserves all the love they can get because that life is expensive and often very inconvenient. did you know things like midol and crystal light have gluten in them? and that when people who have gluten intolerances have gluten they in turn have horrible reactions? that. just. sucks. most people don't have to worry about the realities of gluten allergies, but i have come to understand just what a solid pain in the ass it is.
so thank you to joy the baker for not only being an awesome blogger, but for making my morning. i love the internet and the blog-o-sphere because of people like her. and because people write funny things on pictures that make me laugh. and because of wikipedia.
aside from the joy love, my little chunky princess started feeding herself today! one puff at a time, deliberate hand to mouth action; it's a huge moment in her motor skill milestones! she is currently sitting next to me playing with her favorite toy she owns, a water bottle, and looking so proud of herself. and i know that i wrote about this over on flickr, but that little chunk, she just warms my heart. her smile and her happiness are infectious, and she always fills me with ooey gooey good feelings. puppies, unicorns, kittens, and rainbows - oh my! i wanted to share this video with you all, which doesn't truly do the chunk's cuteness justice, but it just feels like such a good moment to share with my fellow internet stompers. and so, i leave this post of gratitude for joy the baker, with a shared gratitude for baby smiles. in particular, my baby's smiles.
yesterday during my yay-i-finally-can-sit-down-and-play-on-the-internet(!) time i was catching up on all of my favorite blogs (listed over there on the right, in case you didn't notice). i made my way over to joy the baker dot com and started reading her recipe for gluten free strawberry cupcakes and i was just so excited to see a flour girl show the gluten free crowd some love, especially since my sister is part of that gluten free crowd (a life changing thing for her, YAY!) i noticed half way in that this post was also a contest and up for grabs were not only the cookbook for gluten free cupcake, but also the coconut flour and arrowroot powder necessary to make them. holy gluten free cooking awesomeness, batman!
the criteria for the comment was to tell her what you did this weekend out of your comfort zone, and i did, but mostly i told her about how my wonderful sister had to go out of her comfort zone over the last year to rid her life of her beloved friends, pasta and bread, because they were literally harming her and her body. i also told her how wonderful it is that she was showing the gluten free crowd some love. and that i would love the book and flours so i could give them to my sister and demand that she bake me cupcakes every time i have the chance to come down to see her so we could eat cupcakes and drink wine (yum!)
seeing as i am a person who has never won anything i have learned to curb my anticipation for the luck of the draw, so i was very surprised this morning to see an email titled, "hi from joy". and i was super excited that she was so sweet to give this gift to me, so i could be the most thoughtful regifter ever. if that is something that one could be. i am excited and my sister is excited and she said that she will even let me have two (2!) cupcakes when she makes them. i couldn't have more support for brook and her gluten free life, especially because the bread is delicious and it is always fun to try new things when we go to her house.
and seriously, she made a gluten free rum cake that was to die for this christmas and you would have never said, "well there is no flour in this" because you would have been far too busy just eating and eating and eating. gluten free is just assumed to be not so good, but those assumptions are so far off and that community deserves all the love they can get because that life is expensive and often very inconvenient. did you know things like midol and crystal light have gluten in them? and that when people who have gluten intolerances have gluten they in turn have horrible reactions? that. just. sucks. most people don't have to worry about the realities of gluten allergies, but i have come to understand just what a solid pain in the ass it is.
so thank you to joy the baker for not only being an awesome blogger, but for making my morning. i love the internet and the blog-o-sphere because of people like her. and because people write funny things on pictures that make me laugh. and because of wikipedia.
aside from the joy love, my little chunky princess started feeding herself today! one puff at a time, deliberate hand to mouth action; it's a huge moment in her motor skill milestones! she is currently sitting next to me playing with her favorite toy she owns, a water bottle, and looking so proud of herself. and i know that i wrote about this over on flickr, but that little chunk, she just warms my heart. her smile and her happiness are infectious, and she always fills me with ooey gooey good feelings. puppies, unicorns, kittens, and rainbows - oh my! i wanted to share this video with you all, which doesn't truly do the chunk's cuteness justice, but it just feels like such a good moment to share with my fellow internet stompers. and so, i leave this post of gratitude for joy the baker, with a shared gratitude for baby smiles. in particular, my baby's smiles.
4.30.2011
sprouting, yeah i did that.
the last 30 days have been an interesting time for me. i turned 30, my littlest one is 7 months old, the 3 year old gave me a run for my money every single day, and my husband and i truly found our stride as a couple. i am honestly thankful that i chose to blog this month, and i had no idea what this april had in store for me when april fool's day rolled around.
tonight i am having a hard time. the withdrawals have finally reached my brain and i am so frustrated that i have been reduced to self deprecating tears multiple times today. my memory has given me a run for my money tonight and i am frustrated because i know i shouldn't be having these issues. tonight i feel like the things happening to me are happening in snippets and it is hard to deal with. i can say, with all honesty, that the last week has been one of the most trying times in my life, and i am still powering through.
the husband didn't have a very good end of month and i feel for him. he works so hard for his company and for his family and i feel bad for him when things don't exactly work out for him. he kept his head with him as soon as he walked through our doors this week and he, as always, stepped in as the amazing father and husband that he is. i just couldn't put my feelings towards my husband in words that would give him justice; he is my best friend, my rock. i just love him, i really do. i couldn't possibly begin to be me without him.
chunk is growing up so quickly. i can't believe that she is already 7 months old. when i was 7 months pregnant with her i was miserable, and i never thought that she would be here. i remember wondering if i would be able to breastfeed her, if i would love her the same way i loved ge, and if i would even find the time to be a mom to her in the middle of the life of crazy that i lived. and chunk came and she blew me out of the water from the word go. i gave birth to her via c-section and being away from her during those moments of recovery were so hard. from the moment i met her i loved her with every inch of who i am. chunk has put the color into the sketch of my life and i love her for it more every day.
and ge, my sweet ge. that little boy is so brilliant and so sweet. at least once a day he turns to me and says, "mom? i love you, mom." and my heart is filled. i didn't know who i was before there was ge and he reminds me everyday that he has helped me find myself. being a mother to him has changed me for so many positive reasons and he taught me to find meaning in myself. ge is a hard subject for me because i feel like i become so choked up when i think about who he is. i am so proud of that little boy and we are so connected for so many reasons. even on our hardest days i can't help but pick him up into my arms and thank him for just existing.
i thought that 30 was going to be the end of me, but with my family behind me i know that it is just the beginning. living so close to my sister again has given me such happiness. being able to be 2 and a half hours away from a patio and a glass of wine with my hero, my friend, has brought such a new light into my life. i have reexamined my life and my friendships and everything i have in this life feels solid.
so sprout, yeah, i am doing that. i am going to keep doing that. i felt like blogging through april was hard, but when nablopomo sent me the email today that the theme for may is maybe, well i am on board. and maybe they won't all be lengthy. and maybe i won't make it every day. but i am going to try and i am going to pat myself on the back if i make it. and maybe tomorrow i am going to wake up and all of this shit is going to be gone and i will be back - 30 years old, mother of 2, proud wife, and still trying to figure it all the frack out.
tonight i am having a hard time. the withdrawals have finally reached my brain and i am so frustrated that i have been reduced to self deprecating tears multiple times today. my memory has given me a run for my money tonight and i am frustrated because i know i shouldn't be having these issues. tonight i feel like the things happening to me are happening in snippets and it is hard to deal with. i can say, with all honesty, that the last week has been one of the most trying times in my life, and i am still powering through.
the husband didn't have a very good end of month and i feel for him. he works so hard for his company and for his family and i feel bad for him when things don't exactly work out for him. he kept his head with him as soon as he walked through our doors this week and he, as always, stepped in as the amazing father and husband that he is. i just couldn't put my feelings towards my husband in words that would give him justice; he is my best friend, my rock. i just love him, i really do. i couldn't possibly begin to be me without him.
chunk is growing up so quickly. i can't believe that she is already 7 months old. when i was 7 months pregnant with her i was miserable, and i never thought that she would be here. i remember wondering if i would be able to breastfeed her, if i would love her the same way i loved ge, and if i would even find the time to be a mom to her in the middle of the life of crazy that i lived. and chunk came and she blew me out of the water from the word go. i gave birth to her via c-section and being away from her during those moments of recovery were so hard. from the moment i met her i loved her with every inch of who i am. chunk has put the color into the sketch of my life and i love her for it more every day.
and ge, my sweet ge. that little boy is so brilliant and so sweet. at least once a day he turns to me and says, "mom? i love you, mom." and my heart is filled. i didn't know who i was before there was ge and he reminds me everyday that he has helped me find myself. being a mother to him has changed me for so many positive reasons and he taught me to find meaning in myself. ge is a hard subject for me because i feel like i become so choked up when i think about who he is. i am so proud of that little boy and we are so connected for so many reasons. even on our hardest days i can't help but pick him up into my arms and thank him for just existing.
i thought that 30 was going to be the end of me, but with my family behind me i know that it is just the beginning. living so close to my sister again has given me such happiness. being able to be 2 and a half hours away from a patio and a glass of wine with my hero, my friend, has brought such a new light into my life. i have reexamined my life and my friendships and everything i have in this life feels solid.
so sprout, yeah, i am doing that. i am going to keep doing that. i felt like blogging through april was hard, but when nablopomo sent me the email today that the theme for may is maybe, well i am on board. and maybe they won't all be lengthy. and maybe i won't make it every day. but i am going to try and i am going to pat myself on the back if i make it. and maybe tomorrow i am going to wake up and all of this shit is going to be gone and i will be back - 30 years old, mother of 2, proud wife, and still trying to figure it all the frack out.
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