sadistic slumbers

* i feel like i have to preface this blog by saying that i do not choose to watch the kardashians. but yes, i am a person that will stop to watch a train wreck if one happens in front of me. if, for some reason (the soup!), our tv is tuned to E! and the kardashians are on i cannot look away. they are such interesting people to me because i truly cannot understand why people would actually want to watch them. and yet, they are my television show equivalent of a train wreck.

this morning the husband let me sleep in. (i actually slept until 9 am!) for me, most of my crazy dreams happen after the sun has risen and i continue peacefully in my slumber, burritoed in my soft comforter and squishy pillows. today the crazy dreams reached a monumental peak by way of the kardashians. i will tell the dream as i saw it - please try not to judge my insanity too harshly.

we begin at a dive bar. the best way to describe this bar is dusty; the colors were very sepia toned and the faces of the people around me took on a very softened look.  my husband and i were surrounded by some friends that are real in our life and some of, what i call, my dream friends (people that do not actually exist, but often pop up in my sleeping head.) we were deep in detective like conversation about the serial killings that were happening around us. the surroundings began to take shape as the conversation unfolded, sort of like they happen in a movie; where there is a description of events and places and the camera pans the location they are speaking about. the location was a large quarry with a giant mansion settled in to one of its ledges. the home was vibrant, but the surrounding were very gray and ominous looking. the dive bar happened to sit above the quarry and our homes were somewhere around, although never really shown in my dream. there was a television that was giving us the news of a serial killer in the area and the prime suspect was scott disick. anyone who has ever seen the kardashian shows would most likely agree that out of anyone on the E! network, scott would probably be the person voted most likely to be a creep ass killer. and yet, i was skeptical. we started to piece together the events and i started to argue with our group. is scott an ass? yes. but does being the world's most giant bag of douche make you a killer? not so much. i broke from the group and started a very video game like search for the killer. there were ledges to cross, clues that were grabbed by just the force of thought, and everything started to pull together. the video game like parts of my dream were vibrant, full of color and speed. the husband and i journeyed together and in picking up all the clues realized that it was actually rob kardashian that was the killer. and we brought it to everyone, who immediatly jumped to the defense of what they saw as such an innocent little guy, but the cops started to agree with me and finally i busted the case wide open. rob kardashian, serial killer. we found the clues all over the quarry and were congratulated for our hard work.

and then i woke up, because i could hear my little girl making noises from the other room and i knew that her dad did not have the same means to feed her that i did. and it took me a few minutes to realize what a crazy brain i live in. and i laughed. as much as i love my morning sleep in sessions, they send my dream brain to absolutely insane places. like i said, please do not judge me. you should hear about the crazy shit my mom dreams up!

lovely day in kerry land. we finally retrieved my summer wardrobe from storage and i found that last bit of motivation i need to lose the baby weight when absolutely nothing in my wardrobe fit me. i am going to dig down deep into my motivational bucket and pull that last bit out to help myself. i have been living in such a sad place for the last year and i am ready to help myself, finally. i need to do this because i want to feel better. the husband and ge went on a mother's day shopping trip and ge came home to tell me most of the presents that were bought and how excited he was to surprise me. chunk and i danced around the house a lot and i teared up several times thinking about how grateful i am to have the kids, the husband, and the family that i have.

i am looking forward to tomorrow because it is a day to reflect on my beautiful mother and the past that has brought me here today. it's like the facts of life always said : you take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have. until tomorrow, goodnight and good wine.

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