i have to be honest, i used to look at stay at home moms and mock them in my head. how could that be difficult? how is that a job? don't you just sit at home and play with the little ones all day and snack? psh. stay at home moms.
and now, well now i understand that i couldn't have been more wrong about what a difficult job spending all day running evil minions and trying to keep your home clean is. if we are able to make it out if the house by noon it is a miracle. if by the time we make it out of the house i am not exhausted from the sheer effort that goes into getting to little kids and myself ready to leave, i surely am after we run our errands. strap in the car seats, unstrap and take one out, maybe hold the other baby or her in her car seat, don't touch that, no you can't have anything, why are you spitting at strangers, no we don't touch that, why are you even saying that, please stop crying we will be home soon, i am sorry i can't feed you, no you can't have cookies for dinner, seriously stop touching that, omg mommy has to go home before all of these people see her have a nervous break down. phew. it's so much.
and they are little tornadoes. in my next life i will never teach my children that toys exist, or i will just buy a puppy. i can clean the house and 5 minutes later everything is ruined. forget about eating in peace, either. the 3 year old thinks that as soon as i do something for myself he needs to jump in to make sure i am actually doing something for him. my life is cartoon theme songs, laundry, bedtimes, crazy arguments, weird sounds, tears, fights about food, diapers, bathroom floors covered in magical cleaning pee, toys, toys, more toys, and then we wake up and do it all over again. there is never a break. there is only calm after 9 pm and by then i am so exhausted that who even cares about the quiet. i look forward to the weekends and week nights after 7 because the closer comes home and the little monkeys attach to his gravitational pull and i feel less weight and my smile and my hair start coming back.
so, to all of the stay at home moms out there, i apologize for ever doubting you and i want to send out my love and respect for what you (we) do. this mother's day i hope that you all pat yourself on the back and sneak away for 5 minutes to enjoy a bit of silence.
and, because my mommy guilt will not allow me to end this post sounding so rude i must say - the smiles, the hugs, the cuddles, watching them grow up, being there to share all of the moments, singing the stupid theme songs with them, laughter, laughter, laughter, and more laughter, the walks, the trips out we turn into learning experiences, kissing them better, loving them every minute no matter what - those things make me love this staying at home and this being their mom. and sometimes, i may sneak in a moment to breathe so they don't see the cracks in my sanity, but when i walk out in the room again and they both smile up, happy to see me still, it reminds me that this is worth it. that the only place in the world i want to be is home, with them.