i want to write about my weekend. i want to say positive things about my sister, her husband, their child, and my many thankful thoughts towards them for watching our children. i want to tell you all that my sister somehow fixed all of ge's eating issues and tonight he decided that fish sticks were something he was going to eat, after falling in love with pesto pizza. i want to say that dinner was amazing, and that my husband and i are still reaping the benefits of a night to ourselves. i want to, but i am so relaxed. i had one of those weekends that makes me so grateful to be home because i feel like me again. i had one of those weekends that brings you peace in your heart and in your mind. i had one of those weekends that i will be grateful to all those involved for the remainder of my days.
and now, we relax.
4.17.2011
4.16.2011
perfect night
Chart house : martini, wine, east meets west tuna, blue cheese fillet mignon w/ mashed potatoes and grilled shrimp, mojito, baileys and coffee, and the house dessert with reese's peanut butter cup inside.
4.15.2011
learning as we go
ge is currently slouched over in his chair, becoming more and more of a pouty lump as the minutes tick by. occasionally he will spring from his chair and exclaim, "mom, it's one o'clock yet?". and i reply no, again, for the eleventy billionth time. lesson learned :
next time we are going to see aunt brook, do not tell the mini, until we are literally heading out the door, that we are going for a visit. he just gets so excited; he won't eat, he sleeps horribly, and he spend every waking moment asking when the hell we are going and thinking that his dad and i are completely incompetent and idiotic because why in the eff wouldn't we just leave now!? that little guy loves him some aunt brook. her house is a magical place full of puppies and happiness. why wouldn't he love it? we do, too.
(i failed to mention in my last post that the same pouty pants 3 year old also hilariously asks me, "mom, what's so funny about?" anytime i burst out laughing over something.)
of course the forecast for saturday is rain, rain, thunder, wind, and a bit more rain. so plans to wander the streets of annapolis are most certainly not a go, but delicious food and a bit of adult time with my husband is. i am getting really damb sick of all of this weather and i know that everyone else, from the west to the east is, too.
next time we are going to see aunt brook, do not tell the mini, until we are literally heading out the door, that we are going for a visit. he just gets so excited; he won't eat, he sleeps horribly, and he spend every waking moment asking when the hell we are going and thinking that his dad and i are completely incompetent and idiotic because why in the eff wouldn't we just leave now!? that little guy loves him some aunt brook. her house is a magical place full of puppies and happiness. why wouldn't he love it? we do, too.
(i failed to mention in my last post that the same pouty pants 3 year old also hilariously asks me, "mom, what's so funny about?" anytime i burst out laughing over something.)
of course the forecast for saturday is rain, rain, thunder, wind, and a bit more rain. so plans to wander the streets of annapolis are most certainly not a go, but delicious food and a bit of adult time with my husband is. i am getting really damb sick of all of this weather and i know that everyone else, from the west to the east is, too.
4.14.2011
em oh you es eeeeee
ge came running in from the patio today and happily screamed, "mom! it's just so nice to play bubbles outside!" the gods of weather finally shined a beautiful day of sunshine and 70 degrees upon us and he so enjoyed running outside and blowing bubbles and drawing with his chalk. i love watching him play outside; he always looks so genuinely happy. a lot like how he looks when he plays with his daddy.
we have been working on counting with ge for the past few months. i literally spent about 3 weeks trying to convince him that the number 5 exists. normally when he would count he would go, "1, 2, 3, 4 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 8, 9, 10!" 5, 6, and 7 really felt left out. one of his favorite games is hide and seek and we incorporated a need to count before we played at all and the other day, as he told his dad to go hide by the couch, he started counting and he counted from 1 - 15 and he included all of the numbers, and i was so excited that i let out a little yelp and felt a lot like crying. he counts to fifteen, he will actually sing me the entire alphabet song and he doesn't miss a letter, and he loves singing me twinkle twinkle little star.
my favorite activity of the ge man lately is his love for his mickey mouse clubhouse plush dolls. they are just the little disney store guys, perfect size for his 3 year old little hands, and he loves them. wow, does he ever love them. disney should start paying me for how often that kid watches, references, and dreams about mickey mouse. he currently owns pink minnie, red minnie, mickey, pluto, goofy, daisy, and donald and he carries them around the house with them. he loves to make his dad and i give them voices and act out games with them. but when he is having his own time in his room he will sit with all of them and give them his voice, and make them have his scenarios, and if you peek in on him while he is doing it he immediately turns red in the face and stops. and so i will sit by the door to his bedroom without him knowing and i will listen to my beautiful little three year old boy give his favorite toys his own voice. and wow, his voice is the cutest thing i have ever heard. and mickey and his friends, they fight, the make-up, the are never allowed to hit each other, and they always give one another hugs when something happened at ge's clubhouse to make them sad. listening to him give those dolls life makes me so proud to have such a sweet and beautiful little boy.
he may make crazy sounds, or tell me no when i try to do things like feed him, or put him to bed. but he is my pain in the ass little three year old and i love him more and more with each passing day. he gives me, his dad, and his little sister a voice, too.
we have been working on counting with ge for the past few months. i literally spent about 3 weeks trying to convince him that the number 5 exists. normally when he would count he would go, "1, 2, 3, 4 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 8, 9, 10!" 5, 6, and 7 really felt left out. one of his favorite games is hide and seek and we incorporated a need to count before we played at all and the other day, as he told his dad to go hide by the couch, he started counting and he counted from 1 - 15 and he included all of the numbers, and i was so excited that i let out a little yelp and felt a lot like crying. he counts to fifteen, he will actually sing me the entire alphabet song and he doesn't miss a letter, and he loves singing me twinkle twinkle little star.
my favorite activity of the ge man lately is his love for his mickey mouse clubhouse plush dolls. they are just the little disney store guys, perfect size for his 3 year old little hands, and he loves them. wow, does he ever love them. disney should start paying me for how often that kid watches, references, and dreams about mickey mouse. he currently owns pink minnie, red minnie, mickey, pluto, goofy, daisy, and donald and he carries them around the house with them. he loves to make his dad and i give them voices and act out games with them. but when he is having his own time in his room he will sit with all of them and give them his voice, and make them have his scenarios, and if you peek in on him while he is doing it he immediately turns red in the face and stops. and so i will sit by the door to his bedroom without him knowing and i will listen to my beautiful little three year old boy give his favorite toys his own voice. and wow, his voice is the cutest thing i have ever heard. and mickey and his friends, they fight, the make-up, the are never allowed to hit each other, and they always give one another hugs when something happened at ge's clubhouse to make them sad. listening to him give those dolls life makes me so proud to have such a sweet and beautiful little boy.
he may make crazy sounds, or tell me no when i try to do things like feed him, or put him to bed. but he is my pain in the ass little three year old and i love him more and more with each passing day. he gives me, his dad, and his little sister a voice, too.
4.13.2011
candle light vigil - twenties edition
my wonderful husband lit thirty candles for me this morning and woke me up to come see them along with the sweet ass classic 160 gig i pod he got me. he said it was welcoming in my 30s, but we see things a bit differently. and so, as i blew them out, i mourned the loss of my sweet friend 2. may my twenties rest in the chaotic peace they lived in. forever and ever, amen.
4.12.2011
i've got nothing
the old is creeping in. i can feel the 30 seeping in to my brain and making it impossible to be creative. or, maybe, i am just making it all up in my crazy old head. one can never be sure.
we used to live in south jordan, utah. we had this amazing horse named babe, and she was pretty much my horse. my pretty white horse. i would often go lie down next to her while she napped during the middle of the day; i felt such a huge feeling of peace during those times. i am craving that moment right now. the silence, the dirt, the smell of my horse, the feeling of a big animal trusting me so much, the calm of the moment. today has been a blur of "put that down", "no you can't have ice cream for breakfast", and "one moment, mommy only has two hands and little sanity left." i need a minute of calm. i need a deep breath of sanity inducing air. i need a horse, and a mountain to run her up.
looking back on the last 3 decades of life has been funny, and sad, and memorable in so many ways. i wouldn't change a thing because i love my life, but i definitely made some mistakes along the way. i got lucky, and for some reason i am astutely aware of that today.
we used to live in south jordan, utah. we had this amazing horse named babe, and she was pretty much my horse. my pretty white horse. i would often go lie down next to her while she napped during the middle of the day; i felt such a huge feeling of peace during those times. i am craving that moment right now. the silence, the dirt, the smell of my horse, the feeling of a big animal trusting me so much, the calm of the moment. today has been a blur of "put that down", "no you can't have ice cream for breakfast", and "one moment, mommy only has two hands and little sanity left." i need a minute of calm. i need a deep breath of sanity inducing air. i need a horse, and a mountain to run her up.
looking back on the last 3 decades of life has been funny, and sad, and memorable in so many ways. i wouldn't change a thing because i love my life, but i definitely made some mistakes along the way. i got lucky, and for some reason i am astutely aware of that today.
4.11.2011
giving 30 before 30
my 30th birthday is in 2 days. in the spirit of living 3 decades i have decided to make a list. i am calling this my 30 people, place, events, and / or things that i have loved before 30 list. it's a lengthy title, but my life has been, as well.
and now, in a not not random order, my 30 people, place, events, and / or things that i have loved before 30 list:
- red lodge, montana. for the years and years of experiences i have had there. not limited to, but including: the hotel, the hot tub, the pool, the laughs, the drinks, the drives, and the family memories.
- living in the same apartment complex as my sister for some wild and crazy years. we lived, we laughed, we drank a bit too much, and one time some guy with a mullet threatened us. also, pink fucking sauce.
- pool league. at one time i actually beat one of the top ranked women in utah. also included is playing in the diviest of dive strip clubs in magna, utah.
- avalanches and risqué behavior as a high school student during school hours. end of story.
- also in high school; receiving my fire fighting 1, haz mat certification, and emt-b with a class of all males and being called, "one of the boys."
- certainly, of course, the birth of my first child. the events surrounding his entrance to the world were traumatic, but he changed me in every way for the better. we gave each other the life we always needed.
- fire pits with my family. yes, we are loud, obnoxious, and probably speak over each other too often, but we have a damn good time doing it.
- the time they lit fire works off of our rental car in cowley, wyoming.
- cowley, wyoming. full of my family, a wonderful parade every year, and a teenage dance where i did some teenage things. the smell of cowley, and the happiness of being there, will always feel like home.
- throwing a snowball at a buffalo in yellowstone when i was a very young girl because it wouldn't move.
- karaoke bowling with a big group of friends. girls just wanna have fun.
- i ran over a bunny, once, coming home from a trip to montana / wyoming. and even though we were blasting slipknot in my sweet little isuzu, i burst into tears. i now call all of our hopping friends by our house my little bunny bunnies.
- the thousands of different haircuts and hairstyles that i have been through throughout the years.
- moving to new mexico. damn, i miss the food. i miss the people. and i miss our home.
- of course, chunky being born. the husband and i had such a surreal experience that week. she gave us a family and all we have her was life; it doesn't seem like a just trade.
- receiving the title of miss raz mataz. hell, just dancing as a little girl meant the world to me. i will always remember a decent shuffle - ball - change.
- my mother, sitting in mormon church so many moons ago, singing a beautiful song with tears rolling down her face on father's day. there was so much power and emotion.
- my sister, key west, dixie chicks cover - her beautiful voice singing on the patio is still something i can hear when i close my eyes.
- i hated me some tubby brothers, but somehow being included in my brother's games, even if they hurt me, meant a lot to me as a child.
- my sister's chemistry set.
- the day my husband tried to break my arm and i wound up getting punched in the jaw by his dad.
- yes, that was a lot of fun.
- key west. spending a week spending too much money with all of the coolest people i know - getting kicked out of sloppy joes - i mean, really, what beats that?
- the time a group of friends and i went hiking up to the hot pots in the middle of the night after watching blair witch project and dustin from walla walla jump out of the bushes and literally sent our friend screaming bloody murder down at least a mile of the mountain.
- hiking delicate arch by full moon.
- being a mom, a wife, a sister, and a daughter. and taking that roll very seriously.
- all of the music that has been the soundtrack to this crazy 30 year roller coaster that has been my life. honorable mentions go to (first and foremost) sublime, color me badd, the violent femmes, boys 2 men, slipknot, jewel, eagles, tom petty, ian anderson, garth brooks, and jay-z.
- moving to pa
- my wedding week with my amazing husband.
- the weekends, the days, the minutes, the moments, the everything that i stick into that seconds that is my life. it may not have always been perfect, but after thirty years i am in such an amazing place and i can honestly say; i simply couldn't ask for more.
4.10.2011
fluorescent self esteem
part of my issue with turning 30 has been reinventing my personal sense of style. having 2 children hasn't been that kind to my body and the way that i dressed pre baby weight does not lend itself well towards my current body type. plus, when i was pregnant with the chunk i pretty much ate whatever i wanted and now i am paying for it. oh, and i love food. i love butter and pasta and bread and fatty meats. i even love ice cream. and wine. at the beginning of the year i really tried hard to turn up the heat on working out, but i honestly do not have the time. when the kids have their down-time i use those moments to straighten up the house or prep dinner. and the weather outside this winter was so awful that we didn't get any walking time in. i am hoping to really push the walks this spring / summer with myself because losing just 15 pounds will put me back where i would be comfortable and happier with my body shape.
since i had chunk 6 months ago i have been hiding behind over sized clothing and pajama pants. i essentially live in pajama pants, i love them. none of my clothes really fit me anymore and the thought of trying on clothes depressed me. plus, i finally understood the pains of having bigger boobs. nothing. fits. seriously! by the time i find something that fits my chest i have lost all the shape in the bottom of it. nothing feels flattering and sizes just don't work anymore. by boobs are at least a size 12 and my waist is between an 8 and a 10. since i don't feel like i am going to quit nursing anytime soon i finally bit the bullet and did some birthday shopping today at the mall with the husband and the minis.
the first hour of the trip to the mall was a disaster. i was hoping that ge would start complaining so i had a reason to just give up and leave, but he didn't and the husband insisted i keep looking. at macy's i finally found 2 croppy pants and a shirt that didn't make me want to cry. felt pretty good. i wanted to find a dress to wear to the husband and i's fancy date next weekend, but i kept striking out. everything i tried on pushed me closer and closer to the brink of tears. trying on clothes is hell on a woman's self esteem.
i did, however, find the dress i was looking for after a round of pretzel sticks and cheese. shining like a beautiful blue light in the ann taylor window was this dress (<3). a check on the price found me saying, "shit, i really shouldn't do 148" but they were giving 30% off of your purchase and my husband told me to get my ass in the store and try it on. i never thought it would fit, but it did, and in a size down from the one i picked up first. it has been such a long time since i felt pretty and that feeling is wonderful. paired with these shoes i bought i am going to be a cute date for my husband. i was going to wear pajama pants, but i decided to finally dress myself up like a lady.
and so, to women everywhere, i just want to apologize and offer my sympathies. it doesn't matter what size you are we are all so hard on ourselves. i have spent so much time lately hiding behind my clothes that i forgot how good it feels to wear something i feel good in. the most beautiful women are the ones that feel it, no matter what size and shape they are. we all grow, we all change, but we all deserve to feel good. and to find heels that are comfortable.
since i had chunk 6 months ago i have been hiding behind over sized clothing and pajama pants. i essentially live in pajama pants, i love them. none of my clothes really fit me anymore and the thought of trying on clothes depressed me. plus, i finally understood the pains of having bigger boobs. nothing. fits. seriously! by the time i find something that fits my chest i have lost all the shape in the bottom of it. nothing feels flattering and sizes just don't work anymore. by boobs are at least a size 12 and my waist is between an 8 and a 10. since i don't feel like i am going to quit nursing anytime soon i finally bit the bullet and did some birthday shopping today at the mall with the husband and the minis.
the first hour of the trip to the mall was a disaster. i was hoping that ge would start complaining so i had a reason to just give up and leave, but he didn't and the husband insisted i keep looking. at macy's i finally found 2 croppy pants and a shirt that didn't make me want to cry. felt pretty good. i wanted to find a dress to wear to the husband and i's fancy date next weekend, but i kept striking out. everything i tried on pushed me closer and closer to the brink of tears. trying on clothes is hell on a woman's self esteem.
i did, however, find the dress i was looking for after a round of pretzel sticks and cheese. shining like a beautiful blue light in the ann taylor window was this dress (<3). a check on the price found me saying, "shit, i really shouldn't do 148" but they were giving 30% off of your purchase and my husband told me to get my ass in the store and try it on. i never thought it would fit, but it did, and in a size down from the one i picked up first. it has been such a long time since i felt pretty and that feeling is wonderful. paired with these shoes i bought i am going to be a cute date for my husband. i was going to wear pajama pants, but i decided to finally dress myself up like a lady.
and so, to women everywhere, i just want to apologize and offer my sympathies. it doesn't matter what size you are we are all so hard on ourselves. i have spent so much time lately hiding behind my clothes that i forgot how good it feels to wear something i feel good in. the most beautiful women are the ones that feel it, no matter what size and shape they are. we all grow, we all change, but we all deserve to feel good. and to find heels that are comfortable.
4.09.2011
small n small y big effing q
the family and i have long loved denis leary. no cure for cancer was hilarious, and lock and load is a personal favorite stand-up for me.when i watched it, many moons ago, i had no idea the realities of what i thought was hilarious back then. ge is a wild man and lately he has embodied the little drunken midgets that denis describes so well. and so, instead of my words today i give you denis's, because he is funnier than me and tells a damn good story. now, if you will excuse me i am off to have a beer and enjoy the silence. blessed be bedtime.
4.08.2011
burning bush? i think not
this may very well be tmi, but i am dying over here from continuous hot flashes. i so enjoy nursing my little chunk, but my hormones are so out-of-whack that i often feel like stripping off my clothes and hiding out in the freezer. if i wear anything more than a t-shirt, no matter what the weather, i am so miserable that it is unbearable. people look at me like i am a crazy woman when i am walking around in flip flops and t-shirt in the freezing cold weather, but every time they glance at me with the crazy looks i just want to scream at them, "you do not understand me! leave me alone to deal with my fifty thousand degree body in peace!" men just do not understand how much we women go through to produce evil little offspring and keep them happy and healthy.
last night my husband informed me that he took my sister's advice and made reservations at the chart house in annapolis for us for my birthday. he managed to snag us reservations for a table overlooking the water at sunset. not only will this be our first real date (by real i mean one where i wasn't miserably pregnant and feeling awful) in over a year and almost a half. he informed me that we will not be looking at any prices on the menu and that my only thing i have to do that night is enjoy myself. i am so excited. i cannot think of a better way to celebrate my crazy 30 years of life than expensive food and over-priced wine. there will be indulgence and it will be delicious. i love me some romance and i love me some husband.
i am typing this blog in the middle of the day because chunk is actually napping, again (that's 2 days in a row!) and ge is happily consuming tater tots and ketchup for lunch. how i met your mother is playing in the background and i am actually calm for the first afternoon in a while. i am enjoying the rain outside and the cool weather. there is a giant chicken to be roasted with lemons and garlicks for dinner, and the husband is bringing home fresh bread and salted butter to enjoy without regret. there is so much of friday night to enjoy ahead of me and a weekend with my wonderful family. i love being on the eve of weekends; it always lifts my mood to a better place.
last night my husband informed me that he took my sister's advice and made reservations at the chart house in annapolis for us for my birthday. he managed to snag us reservations for a table overlooking the water at sunset. not only will this be our first real date (by real i mean one where i wasn't miserably pregnant and feeling awful) in over a year and almost a half. he informed me that we will not be looking at any prices on the menu and that my only thing i have to do that night is enjoy myself. i am so excited. i cannot think of a better way to celebrate my crazy 30 years of life than expensive food and over-priced wine. there will be indulgence and it will be delicious. i love me some romance and i love me some husband.
i am typing this blog in the middle of the day because chunk is actually napping, again (that's 2 days in a row!) and ge is happily consuming tater tots and ketchup for lunch. how i met your mother is playing in the background and i am actually calm for the first afternoon in a while. i am enjoying the rain outside and the cool weather. there is a giant chicken to be roasted with lemons and garlicks for dinner, and the husband is bringing home fresh bread and salted butter to enjoy without regret. there is so much of friday night to enjoy ahead of me and a weekend with my wonderful family. i love being on the eve of weekends; it always lifts my mood to a better place.
4.07.2011
i just shouldn't listen
i do not want to turn my new and improved blogging land into a space to discuss my political opinions, but i do feel a need to state my opinion for just a moment. listening to the radio tonight on my quick drive to the grocery store i happened in on a conversation between hugh hewitt and rick santorum where-in rick declared that planned parenthood has never cared about women's health and were only interested in abortions and eugenics. as a woman, a woman that has utilized the amazing services of planned parenthood since my teenage years, i couldn't be more offended. i have used planned parenthood for such a wide range of services including, but not limited to: birth control, plan b, advice, medical paperwork, and pregnancy tests (where they never offered me an abortion option, btw.) planned parenthood gives so many young women a place to admit that they are having sex and take the proper precautions to prevent unwanted pregnancies. they have been a safe haven for so many women and a friend to many more. i absolutely cannot stand sitting back and listening to a man tell people his opinions about a place he never even tried to understand. as women we deserve an option, a place, a voice, a fracking opinion - for hell's sake. it's such a maddening issue to me.
all that being said, chunk loved her some carrots today. it seemed as if the puffs really helped motivate her to eat and enjoy eating. she actually napped today, allowed me to sleep for 3 entire hours last night, and the husband and i are hoping that she will extend that to at least 3 and a 1/2 tonight. i feel hopeful. she seems to be coming around to a napping schedule. as a skeptic, though, i know that as soon as she gets on a schedule something horrible will come along to knock her off of it.
i love red wine. i love it a lot. it helps me tell my 3 year old, who is currently covering my glass patio doors in bubbles, that he is right in the fact that he thinks he is actually cleaning them. i just smile, try and hold back my ocd needs to clean the mess of bubbles off my windows, and then sip my wine knowing that it gives me sour grape comfort - for the moment.
all that being said, chunk loved her some carrots today. it seemed as if the puffs really helped motivate her to eat and enjoy eating. she actually napped today, allowed me to sleep for 3 entire hours last night, and the husband and i are hoping that she will extend that to at least 3 and a 1/2 tonight. i feel hopeful. she seems to be coming around to a napping schedule. as a skeptic, though, i know that as soon as she gets on a schedule something horrible will come along to knock her off of it.
i love red wine. i love it a lot. it helps me tell my 3 year old, who is currently covering my glass patio doors in bubbles, that he is right in the fact that he thinks he is actually cleaning them. i just smile, try and hold back my ocd needs to clean the mess of bubbles off my windows, and then sip my wine knowing that it gives me sour grape comfort - for the moment.
4.06.2011
post of the day, take two
today i somehow managed to cook, clean, and care for the kids on such a minimal amount of sleep that i think chunk is turning me into a robot, too. we had fun, though, and ge loving the game epic mickey on wii was helpful for a bit of downtime when the chunk was taking her 15 minute nap.
i had ge help me put the roast in the crock pot today and help me make mashed potatoes and he was just so happy to be there helping. the kid is a natural in the kitchen and is completely enthralled with the process of cooking. i love his inquisitive nature and his love for getting in and helping no matter the situation. he is such an observant little guy and that can be both challenging and rewarding, depending on the situation. he doesn't forget anything and remembers things that happened over a year ago at only 3 years old. when he is trying to recall something that happened i can watch him view the moment in his mind through pictures and his words can never seem to come out as quick as the pictures he sees in his head. we have to often help him along a bit to find some of his words because he gets stalled and gets frustrated pretty easily. i hate to be "that mom", but the kid is just so damn brilliant.
having a 3 year old is such a surreal experience at times. he is so loving and tender and so willing to turn on you at any moment for any reason. i feel like i am often walking a tight rope to make sure that everything is held together and i have to be honest, my feet are tired. this weekend the husband is going to be stand-in-mom so i can do a bit of mall shopping for my upcoming dirty 30 birthday. i cannot wait to smell the commerce during the first moment i have been without a mini attachment in over a year. i am just hoping that the clothes i buy fit me as well as my beautiful family.
i had ge help me put the roast in the crock pot today and help me make mashed potatoes and he was just so happy to be there helping. the kid is a natural in the kitchen and is completely enthralled with the process of cooking. i love his inquisitive nature and his love for getting in and helping no matter the situation. he is such an observant little guy and that can be both challenging and rewarding, depending on the situation. he doesn't forget anything and remembers things that happened over a year ago at only 3 years old. when he is trying to recall something that happened i can watch him view the moment in his mind through pictures and his words can never seem to come out as quick as the pictures he sees in his head. we have to often help him along a bit to find some of his words because he gets stalled and gets frustrated pretty easily. i hate to be "that mom", but the kid is just so damn brilliant.
having a 3 year old is such a surreal experience at times. he is so loving and tender and so willing to turn on you at any moment for any reason. i feel like i am often walking a tight rope to make sure that everything is held together and i have to be honest, my feet are tired. this weekend the husband is going to be stand-in-mom so i can do a bit of mall shopping for my upcoming dirty 30 birthday. i cannot wait to smell the commerce during the first moment i have been without a mini attachment in over a year. i am just hoping that the clothes i buy fit me as well as my beautiful family.
te amo
I have a personal rule with myself; every time I am incredibly frustrated with the kids, I take a deep breath and say, "i love you." Let's just say that they really, really know I love them today.
4.05.2011
knee deep in "it"
for the past few weeks we have been trying to teach the 3 year year old the concept of sharing - something that be believes is third in line of bull-shit-things-he-has-to-do. third only to going to bed, and leaving the park. we started slowly; chunk should be able to have one of his toys when she plays in his room, but has to give it back before she leaves. this week we have moved more into making him share one of his toys at any given time in any given room. he is fine with sharing, as long as it isn't with his baby sister. but a breakthrough came today by way of goldfish crackers, and ended in her being able to play with one of mickey mouse's friends (pluto, to be exact, but they are his current prized possessions.) thank goodness the chunk already has an affinity for salty cracker goodness, or the clubhouse friends would have been out tonight as well.
the husband is away watching the phillies lose to the mets right now and i have the pleasure of spending all day in the madness that is two children. when my sister called tonight i relished every second of speaking to someone that doesn't spit, say ba-ba, or speak in tongues every five seconds. it isn't that i want to complain, because i love being a stay at home mom, but woah - that's a lot of kid time, batman.
but i am here with my friends, wine and silence. i am watching the phillies game, listening to the effing wind blow in more cold to the region, and typing happily away on my laptop; it could be worse. to be absolutely fair to the kids; i love the husband, but it is kind of nice to have some kerry time tonight, too. i very much enjoy my moments of silence, and when the become scarce (like lately), i seem to drink them in as if it has been years since i have had the quench of nothing.
i have been thinking about my birthdays leading up until the big three-oh, and the one that always comes to my mind is my 21st. my sister and i at wasatch pub in park city; i ordered a beer and the waiter didn't even check my i.d., we wound up at port o' call drinking i.r.a. car bombs that same night. we ended the festivities with family in las vegas listening to a crazy limo driver tell us inappropriate jokes, watching the amazing johnathan at the golden nugget, and me getting so drunk at the night club that i could only remember to take out my contacts after a cab ride i don't remember. oh to be young, dumb, and partying with the coolest woman i know. i am looking forward to this birthday. dinner with my amazing husband in one of my favorite towns, and then spending time with that same coolest woman and her equally awesome husband. i love that i have gotten to that moment in life where it isn't how drunk i get, but the quality of people that i get to celebrate life with.
in keeping with randomly mentioning the theme of april's nablopomo, i have to mention that family has been my greatest source of sprouting, and most likely until the end of time. family has been a center in my life, and those who know me best know that without a doubt (okay, but maybe with a bit of a laugh) and i hope to share that with my children. i hope that my children always grow up knowing how much family means and that no matter what, they are always there. we all sprout as family, and though we may always be at different places in the growing process, all we can hope is that the youngest ones catch up in the end. i know i am glad i have.
the husband is away watching the phillies lose to the mets right now and i have the pleasure of spending all day in the madness that is two children. when my sister called tonight i relished every second of speaking to someone that doesn't spit, say ba-ba, or speak in tongues every five seconds. it isn't that i want to complain, because i love being a stay at home mom, but woah - that's a lot of kid time, batman.
but i am here with my friends, wine and silence. i am watching the phillies game, listening to the effing wind blow in more cold to the region, and typing happily away on my laptop; it could be worse. to be absolutely fair to the kids; i love the husband, but it is kind of nice to have some kerry time tonight, too. i very much enjoy my moments of silence, and when the become scarce (like lately), i seem to drink them in as if it has been years since i have had the quench of nothing.
i have been thinking about my birthdays leading up until the big three-oh, and the one that always comes to my mind is my 21st. my sister and i at wasatch pub in park city; i ordered a beer and the waiter didn't even check my i.d., we wound up at port o' call drinking i.r.a. car bombs that same night. we ended the festivities with family in las vegas listening to a crazy limo driver tell us inappropriate jokes, watching the amazing johnathan at the golden nugget, and me getting so drunk at the night club that i could only remember to take out my contacts after a cab ride i don't remember. oh to be young, dumb, and partying with the coolest woman i know. i am looking forward to this birthday. dinner with my amazing husband in one of my favorite towns, and then spending time with that same coolest woman and her equally awesome husband. i love that i have gotten to that moment in life where it isn't how drunk i get, but the quality of people that i get to celebrate life with.
in keeping with randomly mentioning the theme of april's nablopomo, i have to mention that family has been my greatest source of sprouting, and most likely until the end of time. family has been a center in my life, and those who know me best know that without a doubt (okay, but maybe with a bit of a laugh) and i hope to share that with my children. i hope that my children always grow up knowing how much family means and that no matter what, they are always there. we all sprout as family, and though we may always be at different places in the growing process, all we can hope is that the youngest ones catch up in the end. i know i am glad i have.
4.04.2011
confuseled
i am so tired. i am so tired that there are moments of saturday afternoon that i do not remember. i am so tired that last night i thought i was going crazy, but really wasn't, but still had my husband taste test rancid meat. something that he did not appreciate. i am so tired that when i woke up this morning i felt like i could have fallen asleep standing for the first two hours of my day. i am so tired that i can't even focus any longer.
ge was never like this. he was never a robot baby that could go without sleep. he was like me - later to bed and sleep in for a bit in the morning. he didn't stay awake for days on end. he didn't nap for 15 minutes in the day and then demand to play. he was a lot less evil. a lot.
i am hoping to sleep tonight. i am crossing my fingers that evil robot puppy baby gives me at least 5 hours of sleep. i am crossing my fingers that i don't hear the sound of her lifting her legs up in the air and slamming them down on the mattress. that noise signals trouble. that noise signals that i am not going to sleep, again.
the beginning of this month is not starting out how i had wished, but i remain hopeful. the husband brought me home a universal charger for my laptop today and i am happy to have it back; even if i am having a hard time remembering how to use it. it was beautiful outside today and i left the door open while ge ran in and out in between playing with his bubbles on the patio. i am off to bath chunk and put her to bed so i can put myself to bed. i am so ready to welcome my covers.
ge was never like this. he was never a robot baby that could go without sleep. he was like me - later to bed and sleep in for a bit in the morning. he didn't stay awake for days on end. he didn't nap for 15 minutes in the day and then demand to play. he was a lot less evil. a lot.
i am hoping to sleep tonight. i am crossing my fingers that evil robot puppy baby gives me at least 5 hours of sleep. i am crossing my fingers that i don't hear the sound of her lifting her legs up in the air and slamming them down on the mattress. that noise signals trouble. that noise signals that i am not going to sleep, again.
the beginning of this month is not starting out how i had wished, but i remain hopeful. the husband brought me home a universal charger for my laptop today and i am happy to have it back; even if i am having a hard time remembering how to use it. it was beautiful outside today and i left the door open while ge ran in and out in between playing with his bubbles on the patio. i am off to bath chunk and put her to bed so i can put myself to bed. i am so ready to welcome my covers.
4.03.2011
easy like sunday evening
this might make me a horrible mother, but i am excited for when the kids go to bed tonight. it's not that i don't love them, or think that they are hilarious and wonderful, but they are loud. and the youngest one thinks that sleep isn't necessary. and the 3 year old has taken to either asking questions or making random noises in a very loud manner. they have given us a run for our money today and i think that both the husband and i are looking forward to ending our weekend by sitting in a quiet room saying nothing unless necessary.
this weekend has been a wonderful one. the temperature actually rose above 40 today and ge and his daddy went and played at the park while chunk and i had the most peaceful grocery shopping trip ever. my windows were open and fresh air poured in, making me spring happy. sushi last night was delicious and morning glory was a surprisingly delightful movie. the only issues i take with weekends is the quickness with which they fly by. time just keeps flying by and i want to snatch it up and slow it down for a while.
up tonight is a bit of vodka suace over penne, some fresh garlic bread, and strawberry shortcake(ish) for dessert. i am looking forward to enjoying the last minutes with my husband before he disappears into his work week. luckily his last month was a good one and he is heading in tomorrow with less stress than usual. i am also looking forward to getting out and taking the kids for a walk in what the weatherman claims will be a 70 degrees monday.
we were joking today that if we didn't have the kids we would be off exploring philadelphia, spending too much money on fancy wine and fancy dinners. we talked about all the toys we could have and all the exciting things we could do, but at the end of it all we decided that we would just want to get pregnant anyway. i have had so many years where i have wanted to be something, hell, anything other than myself. i was jealous of what other people looked like, what they had, where they went, and who they knew. but now, for the first time in my life, i wouldn't change a thing. if i was anyone else i wouldn't be the mother to 2 beautiful children or a wife to the most amazing man i have ever known. it has taken me (almost) 30 years to get here, but i am ... here. i have arrived. and just in time. i told the husband i wanted ice cream cake for my birthday ... at least i get an excuse to indulge.
and before i end this, as i sit watching the husband hold chunk she is literally trying to chew a table. a table. she gets angry when he pulls her away from the table. i thought i gave birth to a real live baby girl, but it turns out she is a puppy. a puppy that never sleeps.
this weekend has been a wonderful one. the temperature actually rose above 40 today and ge and his daddy went and played at the park while chunk and i had the most peaceful grocery shopping trip ever. my windows were open and fresh air poured in, making me spring happy. sushi last night was delicious and morning glory was a surprisingly delightful movie. the only issues i take with weekends is the quickness with which they fly by. time just keeps flying by and i want to snatch it up and slow it down for a while.
up tonight is a bit of vodka suace over penne, some fresh garlic bread, and strawberry shortcake(ish) for dessert. i am looking forward to enjoying the last minutes with my husband before he disappears into his work week. luckily his last month was a good one and he is heading in tomorrow with less stress than usual. i am also looking forward to getting out and taking the kids for a walk in what the weatherman claims will be a 70 degrees monday.
we were joking today that if we didn't have the kids we would be off exploring philadelphia, spending too much money on fancy wine and fancy dinners. we talked about all the toys we could have and all the exciting things we could do, but at the end of it all we decided that we would just want to get pregnant anyway. i have had so many years where i have wanted to be something, hell, anything other than myself. i was jealous of what other people looked like, what they had, where they went, and who they knew. but now, for the first time in my life, i wouldn't change a thing. if i was anyone else i wouldn't be the mother to 2 beautiful children or a wife to the most amazing man i have ever known. it has taken me (almost) 30 years to get here, but i am ... here. i have arrived. and just in time. i told the husband i wanted ice cream cake for my birthday ... at least i get an excuse to indulge.
and before i end this, as i sit watching the husband hold chunk she is literally trying to chew a table. a table. she gets angry when he pulls her away from the table. i thought i gave birth to a real live baby girl, but it turns out she is a puppy. a puppy that never sleeps.
4.02.2011
secret sushi saturday
The husband and I went to The Wegman's today and purchased a bunch of fresh sushi rolls and a 6 pack of Sapporo. Tonight when the kids finally go down to bed I am going to pull myself up a place on our carpet kitchen table and dig in to rice and raw fish dipped into insanely large amounts of ginger and wasabi in a bit of soy sauce. I want my sauce to be so spicy that I make a face. I am so excited.
I haven't had sushi in over a year and a half and I am going to love my sushi as much as legally possible. If I marry sushi am I a polygamist? I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I plan to do this all after the kids go to bed because ge likes to play this game when I eat where he asks me over and over what I am eating just so he can tell me that he hates it. Not my most favorite game. And I love him, but I love sushi, and I just want to enjoy my moment of lust fulfillment.
The husband and I watched The Fighter last night - a movie that I enjoyed and highly recommend. We stayed up past our.bedtime and debated religious freedoms and enjoyed a moment of silence. I knew that 2 children would be crazy, but I never expected to learn to love the silent moments so much. And, in keeping with one of my goals, I cross stitched. I cross stitched the shit out of a sail boat and it looks good. I am proud.
I miss my computer. I apologize for the grammatical atrocities in this post, but I will redeem myself soon. Hopefully Monday.
I haven't had sushi in over a year and a half and I am going to love my sushi as much as legally possible. If I marry sushi am I a polygamist? I don't know, but I am willing to find out. I plan to do this all after the kids go to bed because ge likes to play this game when I eat where he asks me over and over what I am eating just so he can tell me that he hates it. Not my most favorite game. And I love him, but I love sushi, and I just want to enjoy my moment of lust fulfillment.
The husband and I watched The Fighter last night - a movie that I enjoyed and highly recommend. We stayed up past our.bedtime and debated religious freedoms and enjoyed a moment of silence. I knew that 2 children would be crazy, but I never expected to learn to love the silent moments so much. And, in keeping with one of my goals, I cross stitched. I cross stitched the shit out of a sail boat and it looks good. I am proud.
I miss my computer. I apologize for the grammatical atrocities in this post, but I will redeem myself soon. Hopefully Monday.
4.01.2011
no green light
Today marks the beginning of my 30 blogs for 30 years. I was going to type out something with a bit more substance, but my computer charger decided to be less like a charger and more like a worthless piece of black plastic. And as much as I love typing lengthy blogs on my HTC incredible, I don't. Or, as my 3 year old says, "i just dont"
So instead I am going to type this. And after I am done I am going to finish off the chicken wings I am currently baking and follow their spicy goodness up with a beer. I love me some Friday.
I would like to personally tell Dell that I have similar feelings towards them at this moment that I had towards my 3rd grade classmate that hit me with his cowboy boot. He was an ass, just in case you are curious.
So instead I am going to type this. And after I am done I am going to finish off the chicken wings I am currently baking and follow their spicy goodness up with a beer. I love me some Friday.
I would like to personally tell Dell that I have similar feelings towards them at this moment that I had towards my 3rd grade classmate that hit me with his cowboy boot. He was an ass, just in case you are curious.
3.31.2011
shhhhhhhhh ...
chunk actually napped today. that makes the first time she has slept for more than 10 minutes in what seems like forever. when you don't get any sleep for weeks on end the days all seem to drift together; sort of like the lifetime movie network. i filled my time cleaning the crazy out of our home and answering question after question from ge. 3 year olds really have the words "what" and "why" on lock down.
"mom, what are these?"
"ducks."
"what kind of ducks?"
"yellow ducks."
"what kind of yellow ducks?"
"the kind of yellow ducks that don't say moo."
"why don't they say moo?"
"because they aren't cows."
"why aren't they cows?"
"because they are ducks."
"what kind of ducks?"
it sort of feels like a hardcore version of pete and repeat sitting on a fence except pete falls down a very alice in wonderland type well and someone is taking acid and the words just keep flying by in different sorts of font and size. it's just. that. intense.
30 for 30 starts tomorrow. i am hoping to get my blog on for 30 continuous days. it's about to get blogified up in kerry land. you have been warned.
"mom, what are these?"
"ducks."
"what kind of ducks?"
"yellow ducks."
"what kind of yellow ducks?"
"the kind of yellow ducks that don't say moo."
"why don't they say moo?"
"because they aren't cows."
"why aren't they cows?"
"because they are ducks."
"what kind of ducks?"
it sort of feels like a hardcore version of pete and repeat sitting on a fence except pete falls down a very alice in wonderland type well and someone is taking acid and the words just keep flying by in different sorts of font and size. it's just. that. intense.
30 for 30 starts tomorrow. i am hoping to get my blog on for 30 continuous days. it's about to get blogified up in kerry land. you have been warned.
understatement
ge : "mom, why is polly being drama?"
me : "i don't know. when you were a baby you didn't do that, though."
ge : "yeah, but now sometimes i am lots of drama."
me : "i don't know. when you were a baby you didn't do that, though."
ge : "yeah, but now sometimes i am lots of drama."
3.30.2011
bah bah blog roll
yesterday i took chunky in for her 6 month well check, and well check that ended in her not being well, which seems ironic. the fever and the screaming from her shots was a bit excessive this round, and i felt horrible for her when she woke up this morning and her injection sites on her legs were burning hot. i hate shots. i mean, i know that they are good for her and blah, blah, blah, but they suck. her doctor gave her the thumbs up before the nurses gave her her shots, and i breathed a sigh of relief knowing that she is doing well. you always assume they are, but you also always worry they are not. silly mom stresses.
i have decided to blog my way through the month of april and have committed to nablopomo for the 30 days. 30 days for the 30 years that i have been alive. i can't not believe i am going to be 30. if you would have asked 25 year old me if i would be in an amazing marriage with my best friend, the mother of 2 beautiful children, and living on the east coast when i was 30 i would have most likely fallen on the ground with laughter. i cannot believe what a difference a year makes, let alone 5. i am so proud of myself for being where i am today and instead of crying through my birthday i have decided to celebrate it. the last few years have been so fulfilling, and i am looking forward to more life.
i am sure there is more to say. i am sure that my son's addiction to mickey mouse is borderline crazy. i am sure that i am so damb sick of winter i could scream. seriously, wtf is up with all the cold weather, east coast? i need some spring. i need some walking weather. i need something other than bitter ass cold and windy. and now you are telling me that snow might be here in the next day or so? you can just eff the right off, mother nature. and with that i am off to recreate rice krispie eggs with ge like in the cute commercial; it looked like a good time, but i am thinking about turning them into monsters.
i have decided to blog my way through the month of april and have committed to nablopomo for the 30 days. 30 days for the 30 years that i have been alive. i can't not believe i am going to be 30. if you would have asked 25 year old me if i would be in an amazing marriage with my best friend, the mother of 2 beautiful children, and living on the east coast when i was 30 i would have most likely fallen on the ground with laughter. i cannot believe what a difference a year makes, let alone 5. i am so proud of myself for being where i am today and instead of crying through my birthday i have decided to celebrate it. the last few years have been so fulfilling, and i am looking forward to more life.
i am sure there is more to say. i am sure that my son's addiction to mickey mouse is borderline crazy. i am sure that i am so damb sick of winter i could scream. seriously, wtf is up with all the cold weather, east coast? i need some spring. i need some walking weather. i need something other than bitter ass cold and windy. and now you are telling me that snow might be here in the next day or so? you can just eff the right off, mother nature. and with that i am off to recreate rice krispie eggs with ge like in the cute commercial; it looked like a good time, but i am thinking about turning them into monsters.
3.28.2011
with or without lube
williams-sonoma always feel a bit like rape when i am checking out from my most recent purchase. when i purchased chunk's beaba babycook it felt a lot like rape - and that was only with two additional accessories. today i bought four jars for the food that were 30 dollars. and i hurt. and the guy who admired ge's mohawk as we checked out laughed when i told him i needed to take out a loan to afford all the goodness that his store has to offer.
my husband was hesitant when i told him that i wanted to purchase a 150 $ blender / steamer to cook the chunk's food. he saw the bargain that gerber had to offer in a jar, and i saw processed foods and chemicals in evil glass containers. he agreed to give in on the condition that i stop whining, and also promised that he would give my "hippie kid food needs" a chance.
so yesterday i plugged the babycook in and gave it a whirl. in 15 minutes the device has steamed a sweet potato to perfection. i dumped the orange potatoes from the steamer basket into the bowl, and the cooking water and blades whirled together with the starchy goodness and created a creamy, preservative free baby food that tasted - well, wonderful. and i don't even like sweet potatoes! i couldn't even stand the smell of ge's gerber baby food crap and i could have eaten a bowl of chunk's delicious first meal. now all we had to do is try in on the baby that loves boobs more than most men.
chunk wasn't too keen on it at first. part of that may have been because i allowed her 3 yr old brother to feed her her first few bites and he thought that he needed to jam the spoon down her throat. part of that was probably that she was confused why we would try and feed her anything else than teh milks because they are delicious. she started to figure out how to eat after about 10 minutes of trying, and she stated making less disgusted faces as the 1st feeding session went on.
no upset tummy today and we gave the leftovers another try - success! she enjoyed the orange goodness today and was starting to really understand the concept of a spoon. today she probably made it through about 3 tablespoons. we will have sweet potatoes again tomorrow before moving on to a green veggie on wednesday. tomorrow is doctor day, so i don't feel like we should try something new right after we have nurses stab her in the leg.
so my thoughts on the beaba baby? worth every freaking penny. you can cook veggies, fruits, pastas, rice, meats, and anything else blend-able in there. the clean up is easy and i am hoping that it will lend itself to expanding her palette at a young age. the cook book i got to go with it suggests starting in fresh herbs (like mint with peas) once she gets situated on solids. there are curries, rosemary salmon dishes, and the occasional delicious fruit combination. ge hates food with a passion and i am hoping that by starting the chunk of right we can avoid her craving potato chips rather than, oh, anything else.
ge is absolutely obsessed with mickey mouse club-house. i purchased him the little mickey and pluto stuffed animals last week. and today, as a treat, we went to the "mousey story" so he could pick out 3 more animals and 1 for chunk. he picked out minnie, daisy, and goofy for him and an adorable cat for chunk. my little boy, who is so all boy, will pick the girliest of stuffed animals and the pinkest of toys when you let him. i love the innocence of children, and hope that i can preserve his preferences without him finding out that society can be stupid and judgy for as long as possible.
my husband was hesitant when i told him that i wanted to purchase a 150 $ blender / steamer to cook the chunk's food. he saw the bargain that gerber had to offer in a jar, and i saw processed foods and chemicals in evil glass containers. he agreed to give in on the condition that i stop whining, and also promised that he would give my "hippie kid food needs" a chance.
so yesterday i plugged the babycook in and gave it a whirl. in 15 minutes the device has steamed a sweet potato to perfection. i dumped the orange potatoes from the steamer basket into the bowl, and the cooking water and blades whirled together with the starchy goodness and created a creamy, preservative free baby food that tasted - well, wonderful. and i don't even like sweet potatoes! i couldn't even stand the smell of ge's gerber baby food crap and i could have eaten a bowl of chunk's delicious first meal. now all we had to do is try in on the baby that loves boobs more than most men.
chunk wasn't too keen on it at first. part of that may have been because i allowed her 3 yr old brother to feed her her first few bites and he thought that he needed to jam the spoon down her throat. part of that was probably that she was confused why we would try and feed her anything else than teh milks because they are delicious. she started to figure out how to eat after about 10 minutes of trying, and she stated making less disgusted faces as the 1st feeding session went on.
no upset tummy today and we gave the leftovers another try - success! she enjoyed the orange goodness today and was starting to really understand the concept of a spoon. today she probably made it through about 3 tablespoons. we will have sweet potatoes again tomorrow before moving on to a green veggie on wednesday. tomorrow is doctor day, so i don't feel like we should try something new right after we have nurses stab her in the leg.
so my thoughts on the beaba baby? worth every freaking penny. you can cook veggies, fruits, pastas, rice, meats, and anything else blend-able in there. the clean up is easy and i am hoping that it will lend itself to expanding her palette at a young age. the cook book i got to go with it suggests starting in fresh herbs (like mint with peas) once she gets situated on solids. there are curries, rosemary salmon dishes, and the occasional delicious fruit combination. ge hates food with a passion and i am hoping that by starting the chunk of right we can avoid her craving potato chips rather than, oh, anything else.
ge is absolutely obsessed with mickey mouse club-house. i purchased him the little mickey and pluto stuffed animals last week. and today, as a treat, we went to the "mousey story" so he could pick out 3 more animals and 1 for chunk. he picked out minnie, daisy, and goofy for him and an adorable cat for chunk. my little boy, who is so all boy, will pick the girliest of stuffed animals and the pinkest of toys when you let him. i love the innocence of children, and hope that i can preserve his preferences without him finding out that society can be stupid and judgy for as long as possible.
3.25.2011
recipe for success
glass of wine. indian chicken curry. sleeping kids. good conversation. angry birds. mma. retail therapy. and the hopes for an eventual night of sleep.
chunk finally slept last night. thank you, gods of teething. her second tooth was a bitch. and i don't mean a female puppy. or dog. apparently i like periods. tonight. this has been a long week, but tonight i feel better. lack of sleep and emotional stress are not my friends. neither are my neighbors. in fact, they have never brought me cookies. perhaps i should bring them some.
i am trying my hand at cross stitching. my sister told me that, "you just count." she was right! it's actually kind of easy. again, something related to a neighbor i once had.
charli is babbling. gage's favorite thing to do is ask us a question and then tell us we are wrong. i am ready for spring and for walks and for temperatures out of 40. over the hill temperatures. i am glad it is the weekend. i am glad that my husband is awesome. i am glad that i have leftovers for breakfast. and i am glad that my glass of wine is still half full.
chunk finally slept last night. thank you, gods of teething. her second tooth was a bitch. and i don't mean a female puppy. or dog. apparently i like periods. tonight. this has been a long week, but tonight i feel better. lack of sleep and emotional stress are not my friends. neither are my neighbors. in fact, they have never brought me cookies. perhaps i should bring them some.
i am trying my hand at cross stitching. my sister told me that, "you just count." she was right! it's actually kind of easy. again, something related to a neighbor i once had.
charli is babbling. gage's favorite thing to do is ask us a question and then tell us we are wrong. i am ready for spring and for walks and for temperatures out of 40. over the hill temperatures. i am glad it is the weekend. i am glad that my husband is awesome. i am glad that i have leftovers for breakfast. and i am glad that my glass of wine is still half full.
Chunk. 6 Month edition
Charli,
I have tried, several times actually, to sit down and write you the 6 month letter that you deserve. I wanted to be poignant and hilarious and loving all at once. I wanted this letter to be something that you read as an adult and it just floored you because you felt how happy we are to have you. But I can’t. I can’t because your teething has kept your father and I awake for two days. Literally. Two. Days. I know it is not your fault, but this morning at 3 am I didn’t feel necessarily fond of you or your bottom teeth. At 1:30 this morning your father wasn’t very fond of your teeth either, but we definitely still love you. Even though we are exhausted and your 6 month letter will take a toll.
And yet, you have your moments of nothing but amazing. Your laughter is hilarious. You snort when you get super excited. You love to be entertained and to soak in everything that is around you. You love it when your brother knows you are bored and he comes running in the room to try and make you laugh. You are incredibly ticklish, which is fun because you are one of the chunkiest babies I have ever seen. You are constantly on the lookout for the next punch line, which is fun because all we have to do is cover out faces and say “boo!” to make you think we are hilarious. But we are. Even when we are sleep deprived.
I have been reflecting on the last 6 months and I truly cannot believe how quickly they went. I strongly remember waiting to go in for my c-section to finally meet you and it felt like it took 20 times longer than these last 6 months. You are such an amazing baby. You are so sweet and so loving and everyone that gets to know you is just as amazed by you as your father and I are. Your temperament is unlike any child I have ever seen. You always have a smile, even if you are feeling awful. Every time I pick you up you nuzzle into my shoulder and hug me. You love to dance around the room and you adore any form of music. I love you because you can’t judge my out of pitch voice; you actually enjoy my rendition of the theme from Weeds quite a bit.
You have a crib, but you refuse to sleep in it. You prefer your swing while your father and I are awake and know instantly if we have gone to bed because you demand to sleep right next to us. I would argue, but I am often tired, and you are so squishy comfortable. You love to edge in right next to me and have the same ability as your brother to take up and entire queen sized mattress when you can’t even fill one yourself. You just keep growing out of clothing. We are probably going to have to start eating bargain brands just to keep you dressed. Seriously, Charli, how the hell does one baby grow at such a rapid rate!?
You love your brother. I mean that. You. Love. Him. And he loves that you love him, too. He constantly brings you toys to make you happy. As soon as you see him you light up. He tries to feed you bottles, brings me diapers when he decides you need to be changed, and watches you when I need him to. You both are such wonderful children and your Daddy and I feel constantly blessed to have the both of you. You have such an amazing gift of balancing everything in such a positive way.
Chunk, we love you. I wish this letter could have been full of better grammar and a better range of vocabulary. I wish that I could say something as meaningful as you are to us, but you have kept us awake for so long that I literally am thankful that I can even type. And that is okay. It’s okay because you are here and because you continue to bring such amazing things to our lives. We love you. We simply love you and adore all that you are. You are so chunky and so funny and you make all of those moments better. We are a family and that means everything to us. So keep teething, keep laughing, and most of all keep being you. By the time you can understand all of these words you will be an even more amazing version of yourself – but I honestly have no idea how you can accomplish that.
We love you. I love you.
Mama
3.18.2011
it's a beautiful day in my neighborhood
it was 75 degrees here in pa today. 75 degrees, sunny, beautiful, and the air smelled of spring. if you have been on the east coast and dealt with this cold ass winter that came straight on the heals of a bitterly hot summer you know that 75 was a very welcome change. i opened my windows and doors. the fresh air flowed in and the little ones and i enjoyed every second of the day. a quick trip to the mall to finish up some anniversary present shopping for the husband, a quick grocery trip, a happy meal run, and we were back in time to put chunk down for a nap so ge and i could get our sidewalk chalk and bubbles on.
while riding in the car on the way to the mall my 3 year old was going through his round of asking the same question over and over and over again. when i stopped him and said, "ge, you know where we are going you don't have to keep asking," he burst out laughing. when i told him he wasn't funny he replied, "mom, you know i am funny." little kid is such a smartyass pants.
out of nowhere in the car chunk realized that she now possessed the skills to blow raspberries. this was a definite first and it floored ge with laughter. he kept asking me why chunk was spitting all over the place and was laughing so hard every time she did that he had tears rolling down his cheeks. they literally sat in the back of the car for 15 minutes laughing at each other and spitting all over themselves. damb, i love those kids.
today has been a beautiful day in so many ways. i cannot explain how happy i am. this anniversary with my husband means so much to me. he means so much to me. the man is an amazing force of greatness in my life. in the last year he has stood by my side and just loved me for who i am and i have found parts of myself i never even knew existed. he is so passionate about our family, about our life. he works incredibly hard to provide us with a life where we can center around our kids. he is hilarious, charming, so so so sexy, and he loves all the food i cook for him. he gives a mean compliment, is an outstanding gift giver, and is beyond thoughtful. the man is one of the most amazing fathers that ever existed. his laughter is infectious and i love to hear him tell stories. he is such a strong and intelligent man and i just love him. it really is that easy; i just love him.
we spent every month of this year buying something for one another on the 18th, just a little something and always a card full of overly lovey-dovey crap, and it has been wonderful and so sweet. today he surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a pair of tiffanys earrings; an absolutely wonderful gift. just having him, just knowing i get to wake up by his side would have been more than enough, but i will never complain about boxes in blue. and that's just who he is. he loves to see the people that he loves smile. i am so lucky to have him. i am so lucky to have to beautiful children with such loud laughs and bright personalities. i am so lucky to have a wonderful family that supports my crazy ass, and good friends who always have a nice thing to say.
to quote ben folds five, "i am the luckiest."
while riding in the car on the way to the mall my 3 year old was going through his round of asking the same question over and over and over again. when i stopped him and said, "ge, you know where we are going you don't have to keep asking," he burst out laughing. when i told him he wasn't funny he replied, "mom, you know i am funny." little kid is such a smarty
out of nowhere in the car chunk realized that she now possessed the skills to blow raspberries. this was a definite first and it floored ge with laughter. he kept asking me why chunk was spitting all over the place and was laughing so hard every time she did that he had tears rolling down his cheeks. they literally sat in the back of the car for 15 minutes laughing at each other and spitting all over themselves. damb, i love those kids.
today has been a beautiful day in so many ways. i cannot explain how happy i am. this anniversary with my husband means so much to me. he means so much to me. the man is an amazing force of greatness in my life. in the last year he has stood by my side and just loved me for who i am and i have found parts of myself i never even knew existed. he is so passionate about our family, about our life. he works incredibly hard to provide us with a life where we can center around our kids. he is hilarious, charming, so so so sexy, and he loves all the food i cook for him. he gives a mean compliment, is an outstanding gift giver, and is beyond thoughtful. the man is one of the most amazing fathers that ever existed. his laughter is infectious and i love to hear him tell stories. he is such a strong and intelligent man and i just love him. it really is that easy; i just love him.
we spent every month of this year buying something for one another on the 18th, just a little something and always a card full of overly lovey-dovey crap, and it has been wonderful and so sweet. today he surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of flowers and a pair of tiffanys earrings; an absolutely wonderful gift. just having him, just knowing i get to wake up by his side would have been more than enough, but i will never complain about boxes in blue. and that's just who he is. he loves to see the people that he loves smile. i am so lucky to have him. i am so lucky to have to beautiful children with such loud laughs and bright personalities. i am so lucky to have a wonderful family that supports my crazy ass, and good friends who always have a nice thing to say.
to quote ben folds five, "i am the luckiest."
3.17.2011
excuses, excuses.
why haven't i been here, internet?: well, life has been happening. life has been happening so much that i am forgetting how to walk, or type, or even breathe for that matter. chunk turned into a monster, cut a tooth (working on #2 now), learned how to sit up, and started enjoying a bit of belly time. ge literally spends his free time sitting in his room practicing new and 3-year-oldery ways of saying the word "no". when he isn't screaming no at me we are busy building trains, learning to count in order (up to six, conceptually has the amount of 4 down), singing our alphabet, or listening to him tell me his favorite things (the color blue, blue's clues, percy the train, bob the builder, and ice cream). and my husband decided to top off my ultimate stress level by angering someone so badly that he threatened his life, resulting in a restraining order being place against the guy and my husband making jokes that i did not appreciate. i don't know why men cannot understand that their fight training does not, in fact, stop fracking bullets. rabble.
so i have been busy. plus, i have had family in town. we spent and awesome few days with my mom and my sister, flashy soup can. and in the middle of their visit we had a rainstorm that literally flooded the schuylkill and we had the chance to wander around and look at the houses-turned-islands and magical disappearing roads. east coast storms are bad asses.
and right now i should really be cleaning my house, but i am not. obviously. i will get there, though, as it is my husband and i's favorite holiday (st pattys!) and it is our anniversary tomorrow. my husband is the shit and i absolutely love being married to him and we are both so excited to just celebrate us tomorrow. because we rule. and are cooler than school. and way more awesome than drool. threatened, kanye? you're not the only one that can drop a sick ass rhyme.
so i have been busy. plus, i have had family in town. we spent and awesome few days with my mom and my sister, flashy soup can. and in the middle of their visit we had a rainstorm that literally flooded the schuylkill and we had the chance to wander around and look at the houses-turned-islands and magical disappearing roads. east coast storms are bad asses.
and right now i should really be cleaning my house, but i am not. obviously. i will get there, though, as it is my husband and i's favorite holiday (st pattys!) and it is our anniversary tomorrow. my husband is the shit and i absolutely love being married to him and we are both so excited to just celebrate us tomorrow. because we rule. and are cooler than school. and way more awesome than drool. threatened, kanye? you're not the only one that can drop a sick ass rhyme.
3.06.2011
how not to clean on a weekend
I had many hopes for this weekend. Those hopes were a spring-cleaned home, a smell of bleach throughout that spring-cleaned home, and a marathon watching of cheesy Lifetime movies while accomplishing said goals. To say I failed would be to say that I didn't succeed in some ways, but my goals were only 35.6 percent achieved, and the home that I am typing this message from is nowhere near spring-cleaned. And Lifetime, well, I hope that they are achieving their viewership goals in other ways because I in no way contributed.
Instead of goal smashing I let my poor sick husband sleep in on Saturday. I played with my kids, made circus shaped waffles, and went about my tasks at a pace that would make snails mock me. I did, however, get some goals knocked out. My closet is a shining example of a solid hour and fifteen minutes of work, my husband's closet has been eradicated of man slop, the clutter has been removed from our living room, and my storage unit is the proud owner of all the shit I didn't want in my house anymore.
Last night I was certain that I would tackle today and finish up all of the things I didn't accomplish yesterday. There was going to be dusting and vacuuming and bleaching and pine-sol galore. I was even going to jam out to music to up my production level, but I changed my mind after my Husband let me sleep in for a half an hour extra. I changed my mind because we only have so much time to actually enjoy the weekend. I changed my mind because the Pennsylvania state lottery system has been good to me and I had 70$ worth of scratchies to turn in and I felt like putting them to use. We worked on a few chores today, the necessary ones to make my house cleaning goals accomplish-able tomorrow, and then I decided to grant a break upon my family.
With 70$ of cash in my pocket I decided that the best thing we could do was venture out of the house, head to the best grocery store we know, buy some beautiful New York Strip steaks and a bottle of amazing Napa Cellars 2007 wine. We came home and built trains with Ge. We played silly games with Chunk that filled out house with infectious infant laughter. And when the kids went to bed I put the Husband and I's steak in the cast iron skillet as the wine took a bit of time to breathe. Dinner was amazing. I am hoping that the episode of Big Love that is coming up in 5 minutes will be amazing. And my house doesn't have a voice, so I do not worry about the backlash from my laziness. To be honest. spending a weekend with my kids and my husband was way more awesome than cleaning. And, there is always tomorrow.
Instead of goal smashing I let my poor sick husband sleep in on Saturday. I played with my kids, made circus shaped waffles, and went about my tasks at a pace that would make snails mock me. I did, however, get some goals knocked out. My closet is a shining example of a solid hour and fifteen minutes of work, my husband's closet has been eradicated of man slop, the clutter has been removed from our living room, and my storage unit is the proud owner of all the shit I didn't want in my house anymore.
Last night I was certain that I would tackle today and finish up all of the things I didn't accomplish yesterday. There was going to be dusting and vacuuming and bleaching and pine-sol galore. I was even going to jam out to music to up my production level, but I changed my mind after my Husband let me sleep in for a half an hour extra. I changed my mind because we only have so much time to actually enjoy the weekend. I changed my mind because the Pennsylvania state lottery system has been good to me and I had 70$ worth of scratchies to turn in and I felt like putting them to use. We worked on a few chores today, the necessary ones to make my house cleaning goals accomplish-able tomorrow, and then I decided to grant a break upon my family.
With 70$ of cash in my pocket I decided that the best thing we could do was venture out of the house, head to the best grocery store we know, buy some beautiful New York Strip steaks and a bottle of amazing Napa Cellars 2007 wine. We came home and built trains with Ge. We played silly games with Chunk that filled out house with infectious infant laughter. And when the kids went to bed I put the Husband and I's steak in the cast iron skillet as the wine took a bit of time to breathe. Dinner was amazing. I am hoping that the episode of Big Love that is coming up in 5 minutes will be amazing. And my house doesn't have a voice, so I do not worry about the backlash from my laziness. To be honest. spending a weekend with my kids and my husband was way more awesome than cleaning. And, there is always tomorrow.
3.05.2011
maybe she's born with it, maybe it's flashy soup can
It may be a bit early (but only by three hours, people, and she is the most awesome soup can of them all!) But I want to wish a very happy birthday to my sister, Flashy Soup Can. My sister has always been there for me, no matter the issue in life. When we were younger she was there to soothe me with her brilliant Kermit the Frog impression, didn't kill me when I went all crazy in my sleep on her, and (the most important thing) she had Color Me Badd cassette tape that I could totally steal when she was out playing the flute or being her awesome self. She once had me deliver a pizza to a boy that said "yes" while I did a bit of a tap dance. Did she exploit me? Maybe. Did I want to be her more than anything else in the world? You bet your ass.
And now that we are older we sit around fires and tables and anything else that one sits around and we drink wine, talk about our kids, discuss politics, or make fun of people because we are awesome and they are ridiculous. Our relationship has finally matured into something that I love beyond words. And yes, she still is my hero. And yes, if I grew up to be anything like her I would be more than proud. My sister is an amazingly strong woman. She is beautiful and smart. She could drink you under the table and then embarrass you with a verbal slaughter that would make your mother blush. She is a wonderful cook, a brilliant photographer, and she can sing so beautifully that it will give you chills.
And now that we are older we sit around fires and tables and anything else that one sits around and we drink wine, talk about our kids, discuss politics, or make fun of people because we are awesome and they are ridiculous. Our relationship has finally matured into something that I love beyond words. And yes, she still is my hero. And yes, if I grew up to be anything like her I would be more than proud. My sister is an amazingly strong woman. She is beautiful and smart. She could drink you under the table and then embarrass you with a verbal slaughter that would make your mother blush. She is a wonderful cook, a brilliant photographer, and she can sing so beautifully that it will give you chills.
So a very happy birthday to my sister, my friend. I may not have always been the best little sister, but I have never stopped loving you and admiring you. I am so happy that we live close again and that my children have such an amazing Aunt to be around. I hope that we get to see you soon. <3
3.04.2011
we'd watch what we say, but words are invisible
overheard out of the 3 year old's mouth recently :
"oh shit, mom, i forgot all my pacies!"
"mom, i need you to fix the roof on this car because it fell off and i was like, damnit damnit damnit!"
(on waiting until tuesday for his nana to come visit and with irritation) "well she should just come today!"
"mom, when i grow up i will have a baby and feed it with my booms."
"oh shit, mom, i forgot all my pacies!"
"mom, i need you to fix the roof on this car because it fell off and i was like, damnit damnit damnit!"
(on waiting until tuesday for his nana to come visit and with irritation) "well she should just come today!"
"mom, when i grow up i will have a baby and feed it with my booms."
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