i've got nothing

the old is creeping in. i can feel the 30 seeping in to my brain and making it impossible to be creative. or, maybe, i am just making it all up in my crazy old head. one can never be sure.

we used to live in south jordan, utah. we had this amazing horse named babe, and she was pretty much my horse. my pretty white horse. i would often go lie down next to her while she napped during the middle of the day; i felt such a huge feeling of peace during those times. i am craving that moment right now. the silence, the dirt, the smell of my horse, the feeling of a big animal trusting me so much, the calm of the moment. today has been a blur of "put that down", "no you can't have ice cream for breakfast", and "one moment, mommy only has two hands and little sanity left." i need a minute of calm. i need a deep breath of sanity inducing air. i need a horse, and a mountain to run her up.

looking back on the last 3 decades of life has been funny, and sad, and memorable in so many ways. i wouldn't change a thing because i love my life, but i definitely made some mistakes along the way. i got lucky, and for some reason i am astutely aware of that today.

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